I nodded. We were all quiet for a moment. I felt the pinch of their admissions—I hadn’t wanted to bring them pain. But a strange thing was happening. When they spoke about these things, I felt like they becamemore.As if I’d only seen pieces of them before. And now they were clearer to me.
“Who told you that your dragon Chose you out of pity?” Oros spoke up suddenly.
I hesitated. He was so quiet and spoke to me so infrequently, I was taken aback. “No one,” I managed eventually. “I just assumed…?”
“Do you like it when people assume whyyoudo things, as if they’re in your mind and they know?”
I frowned. “No.”
“Do you want us to believe you when you tell us why you did something?”
I blinked. “Yes. Of course.”
Oros nodded but didn’t say anymore. I wanted to bristle, to defend myself—it was easy for them to say these things. But as I opened my mouth, Einar spoke.
“Do you think we’re just being kind, as well?” Einar asked, his chill gaze fixed on me.
I had to think about that one. My brothers were good men, but they weren’t alwayskind.
I shrugged. “I think you’re all good men, and you’d sacrifice your time for anyone you thought was your responsibility,” I said honestly.
“You think I’d let anyone ride on Sona with me? Do you think she’d accept just anyone on her back, even with me? Even out of pity?”
I thought of Akhane and shook my head. “No. But I’m not a threat—”
“Except to yourself,” Voski said grimly.
I frowned harder. “No. I’m not,” I said with a rush of conviction. “I learned something that day. I don’t want to die. I didn’t know what I wanted to live for, but I learned I wanted to live. And now I know it’s because I want to dothis.”I took a deep breath.
“Then what’s the problem?”
I tried not to be impatient. “The problem is, I can’t do this alone. And I feel anxious about asking you to help me all the time. It seems unfair.”
Ronen pressed his lips thin. “Weallneeded help at the beginning, Bren. How do you think we got here?”
“Not like I have,” I pointed out.
Ronen shrugged. “Everyone’s different. But we all know how it feels to be the one with the least experience, who has to learn everything. That’s why we’re willing to help. Not because we pity you, but because we want you to succeed, just like our superiors did for us.”
It was a strange moment. I knew he was earnest. I knew they all cared. They’d proven that already. So why couldn’t I shake the feeling that they’d rather not have to deal with me?
As talk turned to my brothers and the different experiences they’d had as Flameborne, the challenges they’d faced, and the people who helped them, anguish crept up my spine. I was torn between fierce gratitude that they cared and wanted to help, and the cloying sense that I was a child in their eyes. I wanted nothing less. I wanted to be here with them and be ahelp.I wanted to be seen as one of them.
‘You already are, Bren. That’s why it hurts them when you insist their efforts are duty,’Akhane offered.
That got me thinking.
As my brothers continued to share stories and gently tease, I chewed my lip. But before I could find any clarity, Ronen spoke up.
“It’s been a big day. And night,” he said, looking around the circle of us. “We learned more about each other. Found new ways to show respect. And dealt with a genuine threat. I’d say, all in all, it’s been an importantnight. Gather close, guys. This is a moment for togetherness and I think it’ll be helpful to talk to Bren about the things we discussed earlier.”
Nerves jolted through me to hear they’d been talking about me when I wasn’t there, but when Gil pretended to roll his eyes, I wanted to giggle. I swallowed it back, then went still when all my brothers stepped close until we all stood in a circle, shoulder to shoulder.
Akhane stayed close to me, but edged away just far enough that none of them would touch her.
When we were all crowded together, a lump grew in my throat looking around at each of them. When I reached Ronen, he gave me a sad, half-smile.
I was oddly reassured.
