“Bitch it’s not us. It was his overly aggressive ass that damn near started a fire between our legs. I think I smell smoke bitch.”
“Please be quiet.”
“Yeah, okay. Watch and see. Don’t ask for my help when this nigga hurts us. You on your own bitch.”
And with that the buzzing stopped in my head, and it was clear for the first time of my life. Maybe he was good for me. My thoughts were never just my own, but as much as I wanted to be happy, I felt like I was missing a part of me. The part that protected and guided me although not always in the sanest way.
“What Love?” He asked, not even noticing that I had spaced out and was talking to the voice that lived in my head.
He seems so happy about this experience. Meanwhile my pussy was burning, and throbbing. I was so uncomfortable I just wanted to lock myself in the bathroom and soak my sore pussy in peace.
Would it feel like this every time?
He didn’t say anything else, just lifted off me, got to his feet and went into the bathroom that he had showered in earlier. I heard water running and assumed he was cleaning up, so I jumped up and went to do the same in the other bathroom, thankful to be alone again.
I sat on the toilet to relieve myself and winced at the burning sensation I felt. I patted myself as best I could with some tissue and saw streaks of blood on it. Going to the sink I washed up quickly before dropping the washcloth in the trash and went out to the sitting area to see Taye sitting on the sofa. He walked over to me and wrapped me in a tight hug.
“You’re mine now, you know that right?” He said, staring at me with a possessive expression that sent an uneasy shiver upmy spine. But the feeling of being wanted outweighed all the alarms that were going off in my head.
“Yes,” I said softly with my eyes on the floor. Scared to not say what he wanted to hear for fear of him deciding I wasn’t worth his time. I mean I had already had sex with him. It was too late to take things slow now, right? He tipped my head back with his finger so I could look at him as he spoke. His eyes were dark and void of any of the warmth they held earlier.
“You’re mine, Love.” He nodded my head and then kissed me hard on the lips.
What the hell was I saying? I didn’t know this man let alone want to be his after what had just happened.
“Call me when you find your way out of da lulu land.”
Sometimes you need to be careful what you ask for because you just might get it. That night was the beginning of a traumatic and scary roller coaster ride, and I was ready to get off.
Chapter 2
Pepper
FIVE YEARS LATER: PRESENT
The smell of stale body odor and portable toilets infiltrated my nose as I sat in the greyhound bus station with my ticket and a small bag of essentials; including the vital documents that I would need to start my life over, like my new ID, social security card and my birth certificate, turning me from Pepper Leila Mckinney to Leila Pepper Anderson. Anderson being my mother’s maiden name. Tyron had somehow been able to get these for me along with a few hundred dollars. He had been there for me in a way he hadn’t for a while now. It was like old times, but who am I kidding? It was probably to relieve some of the guilt he felt from introducing me to Taye’s crazy ass that day at the BBQ.
He watched in shame from the sideline as his brother manipulated, abused me and played with my heart. For five years I let him fool me into believing that he was everything I needed and that he would take care of me. But like Nyx told me he would, he hurt us more times than I could count, just to feed his sick need to control me. At first, he told me that my differences made me special and he didn’t mind that I wasn’t like everyone else. But then he started trying to change me into someone I didn’t recognize, someone that Nyx refused to talk toanymore. He was smart and when his mask started to crack, he switched to using the same tactics as my aunt to keep me under his thumb, constantly threatening to have me involuntarily committed.
I spent the last five years being groomed by Taye to be the woman he told me he always dreamed of but when I couldn’t live up to those dreams, he punished me. His punishments usually consisted of causing me pain until the point of collapse before he fucked me whether I was conscious of not. I wouldn’t be subjected to anymore of his mental and physical torture. Last night put an end to the hell I had been living since the day I told Taye I was his.
“This is it?” I asked, looking at the only person I had left that I thought would keep me safe.
“It is,” he said. “And so, you know I’m not mad. You did what you had to do. You deserve so much better than this life.” Tyron said with tears in his eyes.
At this point in my life I couldn’t care less if he was okay with what I had to do to protect myself. I believed he truly loved me, and I knew that he didn’t know what his brother was capable of when it came to me. But he wasn’t blind to the year of torment his mother caused me before I was handed off to his brother for his turn and that couldn’t be undone with tears and a couple hundred dollars.
“I love you, cousin,” he said before he left.
The intercom announced my bus was boarding and I hurried to the doors with my ticket in hand. I was one of the first few people to get on, so I chose a window seat right behind the driver on his right side. I wanted to be close to the front since it felt safer. I had learned to listen to my instincts instead of traipsing through the world with rose colored glasses on anymore. That kind of thinking got me into the last mess.
“All you had to do was listen to me in the first place and none of this would be necessary. But I won’t keep beating a dead horse.” Nyx giggled. “Nah, seriously let this be the last time you disregard my help. Neither one of us can make it without the other Pepper, remember that.” She hissed before going quiet.
I got comfortable, letting her words sink in. She was right, but I would never tell her arrogant ass that. Reclining the seat, I put in my earbuds and started an audiobook for the long ride ahead. It took fourteen hours to get to Brookview, after a two-hour layover in the city of Timberline. By the time I arrived at 1:15 PM, I was tired and smelled like a bus bathroom, but it didn’t matter because I was ready to start this new journey. As soon as my feet touched the ground I headed over to the desk at the back of the station. There was a pretty girl behind the computer who looked to be about my age, maybe a little older. She was holding a phone up, having an animated conversation like she was talking to someone on Facetime.
“Girl, let me call you back. I got people at my counter.” She said with a grimace like she smelled something foul.
“This bitch ain't about to let you use her phone, Pep.”Nyx whispered like anyone could hear her but me.
