I tried to ignore the stab of panic. Everyone fucking left, why would she be different? Everyone except Riley. I worried that some day he'd decide this wasn't enough for him. He was smart.He could go to university and do whatever he wanted with his life. Sometimes I wondered why he stayed here. The life he could have if he left?—
I shoved the thought away.
"No," Riley admitted. "I think she likes it here as much as we do. But she's a city girl. She might decide a small town like this is too stifling for her. Too, I dunno, small."
"Is that what's eating at you?" I asked. "Is Aurora Hollow too small for you?"
He looked confused. "No. I love it here. I guess I feel like… I dunno, she's tipped everything upside down. I want her, but I don't know which way is up anymore. I don't know if she's going to stick around, or run off with Josiah or some other dickhead. Or leave and never look back."
I hooked my hand around the back of his neck. Brought his face closer to mine. Inhaled the scent of bourbon and leather.
"Since when are you insecure?" I asked, my voice rough.
"I'm not fucking insecure," he growled. "I'm conflicted. There's a difference."
"Sure there is." I brushed my lips over his, once, quickly before letting him go and stepping back.
"Now who's the insecure one?" His eyes shone in the light of a streetlamp behind my shoulder.
I puffed out a breath. "Both of us." I shouldn't care what anyone thought. Shouldn't let it change the way I behaved. Especially when we were more or less alone.
He opened his mouth as if to challenge my words, but then his shoulders slumped. "Yeah. Let's get out of here. Your balls must be blue as hell by now."
"Bluer." I put my hand on his shoulder again and squeezed. The only sign I could give right now of my feelings for him. The only one I'd give if we were alone. Expressing emotions wasn't something us mountain men were known for. The whole grufflumberjack vibe lived on in us, even though we only chopped wood for winter.
"Poor baby." His tone was lighter now, but not completely devoid of frustration and, in spite of his protests, insecurity. What could I do to alleviate that for him? I had no idea.
My dad was recovering, but he still needed to rest. I should be insisting he retire, or step back from a lot of the work he'd been doing for the last twenty years. I should be taking that off his plate. But if I did, I wouldn't be there to work with Riley. Could the business afford another staff member to replace me?
I didn't want to contemplate it. I hated the idea of walking away. Riley might fucking hate me if I did.
Yeah, there was nothing I could do to help his insecurity because I had enough of my own I didn't know what to do with.
I did what I do best. I elbowed Riley and said, "Who are you calling baby, asshole?"
He grunted a laugh, shoved his shoulder against me, then headed on down the road.
"You want to throw hands?" I said jokingly. "Is that what you want?"
"I'm not throwing hands with you," he said over his shoulder. "You're bigger and meaner than me."
"Damn right I am." I trotted a couple of steps to catch up to him, and shoved my hands into my pockets. "Wouldn't want to damage your pretty face anyway."
He turned around and walked backwards, grinning at me. Fucker was cuter than he should have been.
"You think I'm pretty?" He tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and almost fell over on his ass. At the last moment, he saved himself by grabbing a sign post beside him.
"Yeah, you're pretty," I said. "Clumsy as fuck, but pretty." I grinned at him.
He flipped me off with both hands and turned to walk the right way. "You're not so bad yourself."
"For a mean asshole." I toyed with the keys in my pocket while stepping carefully over the crack.
"Yeah, for a mean asshole." He walked beside me in silence for a few minutes, while the town settled further into their beds. Lights turned off until the only ones left were in storefronts and the streetlights.
No cars had passed for a while now. Times like this, I felt like we had the whole place to ourselves. The only sounds were our shoes on the sidewalk, and the breeze as it wandered past, making me shiver.
In a few short weeks, it would start to snow. We'd be busier than ever. It might be time to contemplate another couple of staff, even if I was going to stick around. Invest in a couple of snowmobiles. A few more snowboards.
