Jonah didn’t argue, which was appropriate but gutting. After a beat, he patted my thigh. “Take a nap, okay? You sound wrecked as hell, and the last thing I need is you collapsing on me.”
I could tell that was his way of comforting me, so I took it for what it was, turned on my side, and did my best to let sleep take me.
At least in my dreams, if I was lucky, none of this would be real, and Ford would be with me.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-TWO
FORD
“Why are you still here?”
It had been three days, and in spite of how pissed off he was with me, Tucker was still in my apartment. And so was Amedeo. And so was Boden half the time. They were hovering in all the corners of my place, watching me putter to and from the bedroom. Watching me take care of Nugget, and go out to get the mail, and call my work to let them know I wasn’t going to come in.
The last real conversation I had with any of them was when Tucker sat me down, looked me in the eye, and asked what the fuck I was thinking.
“I was lonely,” I’d told him. Which was a partial truth. Iwaslonely.
“Not good enough.”
“I was stupid.”
“Hate that word. Try again.”
I fell in love with him the second I met him, and leave it to me to be the only fucker on the planet whowould fall head over heels in a single night for the one man I was not allowed to have.
Couldn’t really say that, could I?
“Look, I don’t know, okay? Things have been hard for me. Everything is changing, you’re all leaving me behind, even if you’re not going anywhere,” I added when Tucker sucked in a breath to remind me again that he was coaching in Boston, not the moon. “I know this whole…thinghe and I had wasn’t supposed to last forever. He showed up at my door, and he was destitute and sad, and he needed someone.”
Tucker had been quiet for a long, long time. Then he sighed and said, “You look like you need to lie down.”
I didn’t. But also, I did. So I crawled into my sheets and rotted for the next two days.
I didn’t expect them to still be here though. I figured after I ate totally silent meals and ignored any attempt to get me to talk to them, they’d give up for a while and let me be. But as I walked into the kitchen to attempt to eat some dry toast, Amedeo and Boden were walking out the front door, and Tucker had made himself comfortable on my couch.
“We need to talk,” he said as I filled a mug with black, tepid coffee.
“Haven’t we been talking?”
“I’ve been talking, but you’ve been a silent, defensive asshole, and I still have no real answers.”
Fuck. I hated that he knew me so well. Maybe it would be better if I just torched the friendship and tried to start over somewhere else. There were plenty of snooty-as-fuck, upscale grocery stores all over the US. I could find some other place that tolerated my bullshit.
“Ford,” he snapped.
“Uhg, fine.” I limped over and threw myself into the chair, glaring at him though I was pretty sure he couldn’t see that clearly from where he was.
Tucker sighed. “Please don’t make me be the mature one here, dude. You know I fucking hate that shit. I want to go back to frolicking in the goddamn leaves with my husband. I don’t want to do feelings.”
“So go back to frolicking, and come back here when you’re done being mad at me.”
“I’m done being mad at you.”
Blinking at him, I scoffed. “Dude.”
“I’m serious.” Tucker sighed and shook his head, leaning over his thighs. I realized he didn’t have his legs on, and I regretted putting mine on that morning because every muscle in my body was aching. “I’m hurt, okay? Like, really fucking hurt that you kept this from me. I’m hurt that you didn’t think I’d…I don’t know…understand? Find a way to deal with it?”
