Chapter Twelve
Truth was the only way forward. No matter how painful, it had to be truth. As she opened the parlor door, Lilias realized that as angry as she was with Owen, now that her ire was cooling a bit, she felt sorry for him. He didn’t really love her. Love was not selfish and possessive to the point of lying to keep someone with you. Owen feared being left again by someone close to him. So as she shut the door and he turned away from the window to face her and a smile lit his face, she restrained the simmering fury she felt.
“You lied to Nash,” she said softly.
His whole demeanor changed. The smile faded, his eyes grew hard, and his shoulders stiffened. She had hoped he would be remorseful, that they could somehow salvage their friendship, but he was clearly far from ready for that. It left her with the need to put distance between them, and it filled her with aching sadness.
“I have devoted my life to you,” he said. The words held an edge that she didn’t like. She took a step back. “I would do anything for you. Yes, I lied. But that’s because I love you. He’ll do nothing but hurt you.”
“You cannot keep someone with lies, Owen. You knew I loved him.” She had thought about it a lot over the last day since Guinevere’s revelation about Owen’s lie. “You knew I loved him, and you did all in your power to ensure he and I never had a chance. That is not love.”
“Isn’t it?” he snarled. “Tell me what love is, then. I don’t know.” He shook his head. “Everyone I love leaves. You. My mother.”
He’d never wanted to speak of his mother before. Lilias had tried, but he’d always refused. Tears sprang to her eyes now at the hurt inside him. “I won’t abandon you, Owen, not if you don’t force me to, but the way I love you is in friendship. It’s always been friendship.”
“Why?” he demanded, his voice like thunder in the silence. “I’m better for you.”
“No.” She shook her head, her heart so heavy. “I would make you crazed with my love for adventure, my need for freedom.”
“You need a protector, Lilias! Someone to guide you and keep you from harm. I’m that man! I’ll keep you from doing foolish things.”
“I don’t want or need that sort of protector,” she said through the tears that were now falling. Her father had given her that gift, as had her mother, even if she hadn’t wanted it at the time. All those years Lilias had longed to feel protected, and she had unknowingly learned to protect herself.
Owen advanced so quickly she did not have time to react. He grabbed her by the arms as his expression twisted in agony and fear. “He is not who you believe he is! You don’t know Nash, not really. You never did.”
“Release me, Owen,” she demanded. “You’re hurting me.”
He stared at her for a moment, as if he might not do as she asked, but he finally released her. He turned and kicked out at the side table. It toppled over, the vase upon it shattering and water spilling across the floor.
Right away, a scratch came at the door. “My lady?” the butler called. “Do you need assistance?”
Owen shook his head and raked his hands through his hair, visibly trembling. “I’m sorry,” he said, sounding frustrated. “I won’t lose control again. That was not acceptable.”
“I’m fine,” she called to the butler as she touched Owen’s arm lightly. “It’s understandable, Owen. I’ve hurt you.”
“I’ll take the hurt, if you will only but see. I am best for you. He will not even have you. I vow it. You’d not want him, either. He’d hurt you as he hurts everyone. He killed his brother.”
Her heart dropped at his continued lies. “That’s not true.”
“It is! My father told me years ago that Nash stole the girl his brother loved from him, and the brother charged him on the ice, the ice broke, and when he fell through, Nash stood there and watched him drown. My father heard the truth in Town.”
She could hardly believe how Owen was turning on Nash. “Your father heard gossip,” she said, fiercely angry. “Nash told me what happened.”
“And you think he’d tell you the truth?” Owen demanded harshly.
“Yes,” she said, “he would. I know him.”
“Do you?” he sneered. “Did you know that the day I challenged him to a race in front of you, he had told me the night before that he’d let me win. He knew he was better. He told me that to shame me, to best me just as he had his brother. And I almost died—just like his brother.”
“No!” she vehemently denied. “He would never want to hurt you. He’s denied himself to protect you!”
Nash’s words from the night they stood outside the Orcus Society rang in her head then.It’s not just that, Lilias. God, it’s not, but that’s enough.Had he been referring to Owen? She had suspected all along that Nash blamed himself for Owen’s fall, but if they’d had this conversation and Nash had said he’d let Owen win, she understood why he might blame himself. But she knew Nash. He would have never hurt Owen purposely, and the fact that Owen would try to make her think so infuriated her.
“He would never have intentionally hurt you like your mother did when she left you and your father,” she said.
“Maybe not,” he said, “but he can’t help himself. He’ll hurt you next.”
“Get out,” she said in a firm but quiet voice. She had not wanted it to be like this, but this was how it had to be.
