“No.” He cut her off. He didn’t need Serafina’s help putting images in his head of him and Lilias flesh to flesh. He tortured himself quite regularly with images his own mind provided. “She’s not the sort of lady to be intimate without entanglements.”
“Then why not get entangled?” Serafina asked. “Ye clearly wish to.”
He scrubbed a hand across his face and made a move for the door. “It’s not that simple. She belongs to someone else.”
“Ah. I’m sorry, Greybourne. But it’s good to be the sort of man who does not take what belongs to another.”
That’s what he kept telling himself.
“Goodbye, Greybourne. I’ll miss ye.”
He frowned. That sounded like an end to whatever had been between them. He wished he felt something, but he didn’t. “‘Goodbye’ as in this is the end of our time together?” he asked for clarification.
She nodded, came to stand before him, and pressed onto her tiptoes. “Aye. I do not like to take what belongs to another, either.”
“What the devil do you mean by that? I don’t belong to anyone.”
“Silly, foolish man,” she said while opening her bedchamber door. “Of course ye do. Yer heart belongs to her, whether ye wish to acknowledge it or not.”
Her words stilled him completely. It was like light flooded his mind.Damnation.He couldn’t deny the truth. It had never been about mere desire or worshipping her. It was much more. It was that dangerous emotion that drove a man to do unwise, dishonorable things just to be with the woman who held his heart in the palm of her hand.Love.It was more imperative than ever to keep a distance between himself and Lilias. Too much time near her and he wouldn’t trust himself not to weaken, to say something he ought not say, to do something he damn well should not do, and that would be unforgivable.
Lilias almost ran Nash over with her horse and gig. It happened so fast she did not even have time to scream, but as the realization hit her, she began to shake. In her defense, it was very late, the fog swirled heavily, and she was exceedingly tired. Besides that, he’d dashed out in front of them. Nash was lucky that the light from the street lamp hit him directly or she most definitely would have killed him. Nowthatwould have been a true Gothic romance.
Heroine runs over hero who didn’t love her. In the unwritten tragic book that was her one-sided love story starring Nash, she’d be cast as a scorned murderess. Her heart thudded at the thought.
“What the devil are you doing out and about at this hour?” Nash roared, swallowing the distance between him and her very agitated horse. The horse reared, and Lilias’s heart skipped several beats in fear for Nash’s life—again—but he sidestepped the beast, grabbed the reins, and stilled the animal.
He looked magnificent, as usual, the rogue. He had on another kilt that showed his legs—heavens, they were lovely—and his cravat was undone, as well as the top of his shirt being yanked open. She could see a light dusting of hair on his chest, and her fingers tingled with the desire to touch him, and as the mist turned to a soft rain, a drop of water landed on his nose which made her want to wipe it off or even lick it. Heat flushed her at the thought.
She’d imagined when she might see him again at a ball, and she had planned to look much better than she likely did at this moment. She likely looked a mess. At least the foldable head of her gig was up or she would have looked utterly bedraggled, seeing as how she’d been to the rookery and back tonight in sporadic rain.Twice.She’d driven in the drizzle the first time to rescue a witless lady from the rogue who’d lured her there, intent on seduction, and then Lilias had been called out again unexpectedly by Frederica. It seemed a very damning scandalous confessions manuscript by a Society mistress was about to be published. One of the titillating chapters in the book happened to be about a marquess, Lord Quattlebom, who was having an affair not only with said mistress but with a young unwed lady, a Lady Katherine. Lady Katherine and Frederica were friends, and she had cried to Frederica about her problem. Frederica had taken it upon herself to accept the mission and go out alone to confront the mistress who had written the manuscript. There were strict rules against going on missions without anyone knowing and about accepting missions without a vote from the other SLAR members, but Frederica had broken those rules.
Then Frederica’s carriage had been stolen in the rookery. A dirty, though devilishly cute, urchin boy had shown up at Lilias’s home and told her Frederica was in need of her help and where to find her. Lilias had collected a dazed Frederica from a rather surly redhead, taken her home, and helped her sneak back into her bedchamber. Having done all that, she was certain her hair was in utter disarray. Not to mention her gown was soiled and torn from helping Frederica up the tree to her window. And Lilias was missing a slipper. It had fallen off while climbing, and she had not been able to find it in the dark.
No, she most definitely did not look anywhere close to the picture she’d wanted to present: the woman he’d see and ask himself why he let her get away. Of course she knew she ought not let her mind go down such paths, but honestly, she tried and her mind refused to obey. It was a problem. A large one. Especially now that she was betrothed to Owen, a man who didn’t make her mind go anywhere other than to fond memories of pleasant times with a good friend. It was all so depressing and final.
“Lilias, did you hear me?” he bellowed, making her scowl. “I asked what the devil are you doing out at this hour?”
“I heard you,” she bit out, her irritation rising as she studied him. A suspicion arose. His untied cravat had not raised any inner alarms, nor had his being upon the lane at such a late hour. She knew men went to gaming hells and gentlemen’s clubs late at night. It was the lip paint smeared on his cheek that made a hard realization hit her. He’d been dashing out on the lane from a woman’s house—or the lady’s bedchamber more likely. Lilias’s stomach clenched. An illicit affair? Was the woman wed? Did it even matter?
No. No, it did not.
Nash had stolen her heart, albeit apparently not purposely, and he’d frozen it while she’d waited for him for seven long years. Although, again, not purposely on his part. Then he had crushed it when she’d seen him at his house, and again on the terrace. Honestly, there should not be even the tiniest portion of her heart left to break, but she vowed she heard a crack as she stared at that lip paint.
“It is none of your concern what I’m doing out,” she said and tried to snatch her reins away.
But he held firm and scowled up at her. Even scowling, he was a sight to behold. Firm, full lips. Chiseled jawline. Arched brows that displayed his annoyance perfectly. “You are my concern,” he shot back.
Her heart squeezed, though she tried to stop it. The concern he spoke of was not the sort she had longed for, and now that she was betrothed, it would be devastating in an entirely different way if she were to learn Nash did indeed care for her. The situation was intolerable. She almost wished he’d go back to Scotland.Almost.She could not quite make herself truly wish him away. She supposed she must enjoy the torture of being near him.
Really, her thoughts were most inappropriate. She had to take herself in hand and get home quickly. She could not chance being seen out at night alone, nor with Nash. Either discovery would destroy Owen, not to mention endanger their betrothal and her mother’s and sister’s well-beings.
“We have absolutely no ties to each other anymore,” she said, yanking on the reins again to no avail, “so I amnotyour concern.”
“You are wrong,” he said, the words making her hope soar. “You are betrothed to Owen, which binds us.”
Her hope plummeted.Again.She prayed it stayed down permanently this time. It was a futile hope at this point, anyway. “Let go my reins! If I’m discovered with you, the scandal will set London on fire.”
“I’m more concerned about your being out alone than a possible scandal, Lilias. Besides—” he glanced up and down the empty lane “—there is no one out and about at this hour.”
