I’d carry her through the pits of hell if she asked me to. As I cross over the threshold of my room with her in my arms, I’m struck with a sense of permanence. This is it—the start of our forever.
Epilogue - Gage
You would think after thirteen months of bi-weekly appointments, I’d be used to the constant ticking from the large decorative clock behind my therapist’s desk, but the monotonous sound never ceases to worm its way into my head. Maybe that’s the intention; for all I know, it could be some advanced technique the doc is using. I should ask Nathan. He’s the one who likes all the brain science shit.
My sessions with Dr. Shaw aren’t at all what I expected. In the movies, it’s always some guy lying on a sofa in a dark room while they talk about their childhood with a box of tissues. This is nothing like that. For one, my childhood was great—it’s being an adult that sucks—and two, there aren’t any couches involved. These forty-five minutes are spent in a cozy armchair in a well-lit office while the doc helps me work through my thoughts and offers coping mechanisms for when the gloom comes—which has been a less common occurrence since I started coming, so something is working.
“Kori graduated last week, right?” my doctor asks.
“Magna cum laude.” I couldn’t keep the proud grin from forming if I tried.
My woman is amazing. She’s smarter than me—there’s no doubt about it—and I’m not the only one who sees it. She had three job offers before her last semester even started, but she turned them all down, waiting until she found the perfect opportunity. One close to home—close to me.
She starts next month.
“That’s a big change. How is that?”
I huff and give a half-hearted shrug. Dr. Shaw narrows her eyes and gives methe look—the one that means she isn’t going to let nonanswers slide. I’ve gotten it more times than I can count over the course of our time together.
“It seems like a big change, but it’s not really. She’ll spend her days at work instead of classes, and her name’s getting added to the lease, but it’s not like we haven’t been living together already. What’s really different?”
“I suppose you’re right. I trust you would tell me if this was triggering anything for you.”
The idea is laughable. The gloom feeds on my insecurities, and there is nothing I’m more secure in than where I stand with my woman. It’s always been me I didn’t trust to do right by her, never the other way around. That’s not about to change.
“I’m good. Things are good.”
“You’ve come a long way since we started. I think it might be time we cut back on your sessions. There’s no reason for you to keep coming every other week. Let’s move to once a month and see how it feels.”
“Sounds good.”
“You should be proud of the progress you’ve made.”
“Thanks, Doc.” My face heats as I direct my gaze to the floor.
It’s hard to accept the praise, but she isn’t wrong. It’s been months since the gloom has gotten the best of me. Hell, I barelynotice its presence anymore. The process hasn’t been easy, but there was too much on the line for me to give up when shit got hard. I had already had a few sessions with Dr. Shaw before Kori came back into my life, but she has been my motivation to keep going. I promised both of us I’d never let my demons come between us again, and I meant that shit.
“That’s all the time we have for today. Like always, you can call me if anything comes up between sessions, but if not, I’ll get you scheduled for June.”
We say our goodbyes, and I head back to my truck. I don’t have a lot of time before I’m due back at the jobsite. There’s nothing glamorous about the apprenticeship or electrical work as a whole, but I’m decent enough at it, and it pays the bills far better than bartending ever did.
And as lame as it sounds, it gives me a sense of purpose—like I’m actually doing something that contributes to society. That, mixed with the therapy and my friends’ support, has helped me get to a place I haven’t been in for a long time. For the first time since my injury, I’m happy. Not just moments, but genuinely in a good place the majority of the time. Life is finally looking up for me, and I’m grateful every day I’ve got Kori by my side to live it with.
***
The smell of smoke greets me as I open the front door of my apartment. It should be alarming, but at this point, it’s almost expected. I learned pretty quick that Kori takes after her mom in the cooking department. That hasn’t stopped her from giving it her all despite my protests. She’s like her mom in that way too—stubborn.
“Everything good, Low?” I call out as I step inside.
Over the past year, the space I used to dread coming back to has become the place I want to be more than anywhere else. With my woman here, I don’t ever have to worry about coming home to nothing but grim darkness and silence. She fills our apartment with so much joy and life. Even when she isn’t here, her presence is palpable, and I never want to live without it again.
“Yeah. We might want to order pizza, though,” she says with an annoyed huff as she turns away from the stove.
Her face lights up when her gaze lands on me, and before I can blink, she’s throwing her arms around my neck. On instinct, my arms wrap around her as I pull her to my chest, and her sweet citrusy scent washes over me.
Even after a year, her affection still leaves me awestruck. It will never make sense to me why a woman like her would love a man like me, but I’ve stopped questioning it, and I’m never going to let her go.
“How was work?” she asks once she’s gotten her fill of me.
