“You are an angel,” he says, and I giggle as he places a wet kiss on my cheek.
The plastic fork snaps in Gage’s hand with a loudcrack, drawing my attention away from Nathan and his awful plan.
In the next breath, my ex pushes away from the counter. The legs of his chair cry out against the floor with an ear-splitting screech, cutting off all the conversation in the room. Every eye in the room is glued to him as he grabs his plate, dumps it in the trash, and walks toward the exit without any sense of urgency.
“Thanks for having me,” he grumbles and disappears through the door.
The room is completely silent for a beat before Karis and I jump to our feet at the same time. We both freeze, and she catches my gaze with a challenging glare, but I don’t wither under the pressure. After a moment, she looks away and nods toward the door. That’s the only signal I need to unlock my muscles and chase after him.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going,” I call out as I follow him into the hallway.
He stumbles over his feet as he stops his retreat. His shoulders stiffen, heaving with each controlled breath he takes, but he doesn’t turn to look at me.
“I can’t do this, Low.” He turns toward the wall and places his forearm in front of his face, and his whole body seems to collapse into it.
There’s so much raw anguish in his voice, I don’t correct the use of the nickname.
“Do what?” I ask.
“Act like it isn’t tearing me up inside to be near you but not be able to reach out and hold you like I want. Pretend that I’m not jealous of every one of your smiles that I didn’t put there. See you happy and thriving with my friends, and know that it’s in spite of me not because of me.”
“Gage—” I creep closer, standing only a few feet behind him, but he’s too caught up in his own torment to notice me.
“No, Kori, I don’t need you to comfort me. I’m the one who’s clearly not coping here. You aren’t doing anything wrong by being okay or by having fun with your friends. I just can’t be around while you do. Now go back inside and forget about me.”
“No.”
“No?”
“You heard me. Those are your friends in there. They have known you and loved you way longer than they’ve known me. So if one of us has to go, it’s me.”
It’s not like I’m not used to being alone anyway. Gage, though—he needs them more than I do. I’m okay with starting over again. They are all he has.
“Fuck that—”
He whirls around but falters when he sees me only a step away. His eyes widen, and for the briefest of seconds, everything he’s tried so hard to hide away is written clearly on his features. He’s so lost. I can’t help but reach out and cup his face to anchor him, and his hand covers mine without hesitation.
“I’m not stealing the people you love from you,” I tell him with no room for argument. I still love him too much to be that cruel.
His lids fall closed as he melts into my palm.
“Okay,” he says after a beat. “I’m sorry, Kori.”
“Don’t be sorry. Go have fun. I’ll see you around, yeah?” My voice chokes on the lie.
Sparks shoot through my body as he turns his head and places a soft kiss in the center of my palm. My heart flutters with all that stupid love that refuses to go away completely.
“Yeah. I’ll see you around,” he says as he pulls away and walks back to his friends without a backward glance.
I ignore the stream of incoming calls and texts from Evelyn and Nathan while I take the long way back to my dorm. They won’t understand why I had to do this. That I’m not giving up on them, but giving Gage the space he needs to heal. It’s not like I’m going to block them out completely, either, but I need to find a place here on campus that isn’t so interwoven with him. I need my own space to heal too. And maybe in a few months, we can try the whole friends thing again. Maybe there will be a day when I see his face and my heart doesn’t swell with the love that used to be there.
But that isn’t today.
Chapter 36
Kori
Making friends isn’t hard; keeping them is.
