“No, stay,” I tell her.
Not like Jax won’t tell her everything anyway.
She shrugs, taking a seat next to Jax, who immediately slings his arm around her shoulders. My knees bounce underneath the table as my gaze darts back and forth between them, and I resist the urge to bite my fingernails. Maddie waits patiently as always, but Jax arches an eyebrow that says I better start talking soon. Most people would mistake the expression for impatience, but I recognize it for what it really is: worry.
I snort. Bastard is so damn protective. He doesn’t even know what’s wrong yet, and he’s probably already itching to fix it. As if this were something he could fix.
“I’m sorry I was a selfish asshole when I found out about you and Maddie,” I blurt out, forcing my gaze to meet Jax’s surprised one. He blinks, and based on the way he visibly relaxes, I think maybe he needed my apology as much as I needed to say it. I’ve already had this talk with Maddie, but watching Alek rush after Caleb today made me realize I never apologized to my own brother. Knowing Caleb now has the power to do to me what I did to Jax is giving me fresh perspective and leaves me feeling…agonizingly guilty.
When I think of Caleb telling his dad to pick between us, despair swirls inside my gut like a tempest. Little beads of sweat break out along my body, and I find it impossible to sit still. Underneath the table, I begin tapping my fingers against my thigh. This is exactly what I did to Jax, so I suppose I deserve it, but this shit sucks.
I just got Alek. What if I lose him before our story even begins?
“Water under the bridge, buddy,” he mumbles, clearing his throat. I almost roll my eyes at the wordbuddy, because that’s what he used to call me growing up. Back when Dad had just passed away, and he used to stare at my eleven-year-old, gangly- limbed body like keeping me alive was a puzzle he didn’t know how to solve. Sometimes the endearment still slips out when he’s feeling particularly affectionate.
“Is everything okay, Luke?” Maddie asks.
“Yes,” I say on reflex, then I grimace. “No, not really.”
“Do I need to beat somebody up?” Jax asks playfully, but his eyes are crinkled with concern.
With a soft chuckle, I stare down at my hands and wonder how Alek and Caleb’s conversation is going right now. Alek told me to trust him and Ido, but that’s his son. I’m just the emotionally damaged, clingy sad sack of shit he’s been sleeping with. In a competition between the two of us, there’s a clear winner, and it isn’t me.
Even if Alek does think I’m perfect just the way I am.
“Hey, talk to us,” Jax murmurs, his hand reaching across the table to squeeze mine once.
I blink away the sheen of unshed tears obscuring my vision and look up. “So, I told you I’m seeing somebody,” I begin, wondering just how much to divulge.
They both nod, and Maddie doesn’t look surprised so I’m assuming Jax told her.
“We were kind of keeping it a secret from someone, and they found out. And now it might be…over.” My voice cracks on the wordover.
Jax and Maddie jump up, both simultaneously rounding the table to my side. Arms envelop me, the clean scent of their body washes mingling together as they squeeze me. I throw an arm around each of them, greedily soaking in the warmth from their body heat.
“I don’t know what to do,” I finally admit in a hoarse whisper.
“You care for this other person, too?” Jax asks, both of them pulling away from me. Instead of going back to the other side of the table, they take the chairs on either side of me.
I jerk my head, because the possibility of losing CalebandAlek at the same time is a double blow that makes me want to cry until I’m heaving with snotty, ugly tears.
“Sometimes, you have to love people through their hurt,” Jax says softly, a sad smile playing around his lips. The words only make me want to cry more though, because I know he’s speaking from personal experience. “Give them some time to calm down, and they might be willing to see it from your perspective.”
“Maybe,” I mumble. But Jax wasn’t there to see the horror on Caleb’s face. I sniffle. “Aren’t you going to ask who I’m seeing?”
Jax’s eyes flash to Maddie, looking as though he’s seeking permission to do just that. She subtly shakes her head, and he rolls his eyes. “Fine, she’s right. You don’t have to tell us if you’re not ready.” Then he gives me a contemplative, almost hopeful expression. “Unless, youareready to tell us?”
I snort. “I think we’ve bonded enough today. Let’s not make this sappy.” Despite my words, I do want to tell him. I want him to know what I’m learning about myself. I’m just not sure I’m ready for that conversation, especially when I’m still figuring out what to call it. I’m feeling too emotionally drained at the moment.
When I lift my eyes, I don’t miss the way he silently mouths,“I think her name is Eve”over the top of my head, in Maddie’s direction.
The mention of Eve puts a damper on my already bleak mood and, for a brief second, I consider spilling the tea. I’m tired of covering for her. Tired of feeling like there’s this silent wedge between Jax and me,even if he doesn’t always seem aware of it.
But then he chucks me on the chin so affectionately that I lose my nerve and excuse myself.
A few minutes later, I’m flying down the backroads of Cedarwood Valley as I make my way back to Alek’s house. I’m not sure if he’s home yet, but I’m ready to face the music if he is. I just hope I like the tune.
Alek
