to his full proud height
as ruler of this realm and said,
‘No. I cannot allow that.’
‘Has This Place Made You So Cold, Oh King?’
Styx’s voice rose from the waters,
and when I turned I saw her lift herself
from the river, like a siren from the sea.
I wanted to apologize to her for straying,
I wanted to run to her and embrace her tightly,
even though I knew she would hate it.
Instead, I stood still and let her walk to me.
When she did, she took my hand
in her cold wet fingers and held it gently.
‘You should have stayed home, Hekate,’
she said, but the words were not angry.
They were deeply sad.
I looked at her and then at Hades.
A sudden wave of fear gripped me.
‘What is it,’ I asked softly,
‘that you are not telling me?’
Secrets
I did not realize it until that moment: Styx’s avoidance of me, her brief visits only to ensure the essentials of feeding me ambrosia and nectar, was for reasons other than her river of oaths and death keeping her so preoccupied. Hades making a promise to my mother regarding my safety and then disappearing was not just because he was otherwise engaged ruling the Underworld. They were both hiding something from me. My mother hid things from me too. She would not name who was chasing us until the very end, even though I knew it was two powerful Gods. Everyone assumed that to protect children, they must be kept in the dark – no one understood those secrets haunted the same children they were so ardently trying to protect. I was beginning to recognize that eternity was a very long time and if this was now my home, I would not abide any more secrets. Not from those who were meant to take care of me. So I took my hand back from Styx and told her and Hades, ‘If I am to live here, I want to know everything. Every secret. Every wound. Every truth.’
Styx Exchanged a Look with Hades
and then he slowly nodded at her.
She took my hand again and said,
‘Hold on tight,
and whatever happens,
whoever calls you,
no matter what you see,
Hekate, donotlet go.’
