How had she become this person? She had been the child her parents adored, the good girl who made them proud. Always well-mannered and well-behaved at social events, birthdays and family parties. At school she was bright and diligent, the kid who wanted to be in all the plays and clubs and teams. Who was never afraid of bringing home her report and who basked in her parents’ praise when they read out each comment and grade, their faces glowing at a job well done.
But Molly knew that wasn’t the full story. Right up until her dad died shewasthat nice person, even afterwards despite the heartbreak, when it was just her, Dee and Mum at home, with Magda of course and Nancy when she came to stay. Molly behaved, not wanting to upset her mum, heeding the words of Magda and Nancy that they all had to look after one another and pull together.
It was all fine untilheturned up. Shane. He was the catalyst.
She saw it all now, how her life had shifted and taken a different shape once he became part of the furniture, anobjet d’art,an expensive one at that. If only her mum had kept the receipt and then sent him back when she realised he was a complete sack of shit. A poor quality dupe.
What Molly needed to focus on was herself, track the changes in her own personality because then she might make sense of it all and help her deal with the grief and shame and bitterness that was eating her insides.
She’d resented Shane’s intrusion in their lives from the off and yes, had turned into a royal pain in the arse for a long time, finding ways to kick out. Even when she’d finally accepted that Shane wasn’t going anywhere and cut him some slack, being quietly rebellious sort of eased the pain of missing her dad and made her feel powerful, like she had a secret side that nobody knew about.
Like when she discovered that even though she had money in her purse, shoplifting gave her a buzz. And then, it gave her a handy escape route she used to her advantage for many years. She was thirteen, and on the patio playing with a super-bouncy glittery ball she’d ‘acquired’ in the village shop. She slammed it so hard it ricocheted into the rhododendron bushes. Being rather fond of her free toy, Molly set off to retrieve it. Pushing between the foliage, she became invisible, swallowed up by the mature greenery that bordered the fence to the property. As she searched Molly noticed that one of the fence panels had broken away from the post at the bottom and if you pushed it, it flapped open, just enough to squeeze through. It was a perfect place to hide her stash of shoplifted rubbish and a nifty way in and out of the garden.
For the rest of her teenage years, Molly had used the escape route to sneak in her shoplifted bits and bobs that she hid in acarrier bag. When she hooked up with Harley, Molly shared the secret, and if there was a party in the village, or a cider-binge in the park, she’d wait until dark and meet Harley on the other side of the fence. Nobody knew she’d been out, got smashed on cheap booze and thrown up in her den.
And no one knew that she often played truant. They didn’t know she had once set the sprinklers off in school by setting fire to the loo roll in the toilets with a cigarette. There was so much more that Molly could admit to, small wins that gave her some power back and totally trashed the image her mum and family clung on to.
So as she sat there on the stairs she had to ask herself if Shane was totally to blame for her secret life as a pain in the arse, or deep down was she just a two-faced monster? Was she looking for a scapegoat or had she always had a bad side buried deep inside? She was capable of being sly, telling teenage lies, petty theft, having sex with her stepfather and looking her mum in the eye at the same time. It didn’t bode well.
Hearing Magda come into the kitchen from the garden, Molly snapped out of beating herself up and not wanting to chat, turned and raced up the stairs, her head too full of it all, Harley, Shane, her mum, Nancy and the will reading that hovered like a portent.
She was glad that Nancy had held off the solicitor until after the funeral but they still had to face hearing her mum’s final wishes and it knocked Molly sick. Everything coming down to money and shares and property was crass and she wished she didn’t have to be present. Maybe she could swerve it. Dee would. No way was she in the right headspace at the moment.
Passing her sister’s room she paused and knocked gently on the door, and when there was no answer, pushed it open quietly. As expected, her sister was sleeping, headphones on, eyes closed, locked in a world of her own, and for a second Mollyenvied her the ability to tune everything out. She was about to turn around and leave when Dee opened her eyes and Molly wondered if she’d been pretending all along. But seeing a faint smile on Dee’s face wiped out the cynicism and encouraged her to attempt a chat.
‘Hey, how are you feeling? Have you eaten today, my little skinny-minny?’
Dee pulled off her headphones and replied, ‘I’m not hungry.’
They sat in silence for a heartbeat or two then Dee said, ‘Sometimes, when I wake up I forget Mum’s not here. Then I remember and I just want to sleep forever. Last night I prayed I’d go to sleep and never wake up because I hate… I hate all this so much and want it to stop. I don’t want to be here without Mum.’
Molly’s heart clenched and dread coursed through her whole body as she grappled with the right thing to say. ‘I hate it too, Dee. I miss Mum so much and how we are now is awful but it will get easier, you know… one day, I promise. And I’ll help you through it, and so will Nancy. She’s promised to come back and look after us, and we have Magda, too.’
‘And what about Shane? What’s going to happen to him? You all hate him so he can’t stay here… but–’ Dee pulled the covers up to her neck and closed her eyes.
‘But what?’ Molly asked.
‘Nothing… I don’t want to talk about it anymore, so can you go. Please, Moll, just leave me alone.’ Dee turned on her side, away from Molly, and pulled her headphones back on, shutting down any further conversation.
Accepting she’d been dismissed, Molly stood and left the room as quietly as she’d entered then went next door to her own, but before going inside, she remembered something Magda had said before the funeral. Knowing Shane was out, she made her way to the end of the hall and let herself into his room.
Without thinking it through, she went straight to the wardrobe. Kneeling, she looked inside and checked the shelf that was stacked with T-shirts and sweaters which she pushed aside. There was the safe, exactly where Magda said it was, shoved to the back out of sight. There was a digital display on the front and a keypad that held the secret to whatever was inside. Molly wondered if he kept his cheat phone in there and had the sudden urge to scroll through it and see how many other women there might be.
Ten minutes later and out of ideas, having tried every combination of significant numbers she could think of, Molly conceded defeat. Whatever the safe contained, remained locked behind a steel door. It dawned on her that it didn’t matter what dirty little secrets were inside. She already knew enough about the man she used to love to know he was a fake, that he’d lied and manipulated her, groomed and used her and nothing she could discover could be worse than that.
Chapter Forty-One
Molly had waited up late for Nancy to get home, but her granddad wasn’t well and Gran and Aunty Betty were in a flap and wanting to ring an ambulance, so in the end Nancy stayed over to keep an eye on all of them.
But Molly couldn’t hold it in, not until morning. The stuff Harley had told her was like toxic waste poisoning her blood and she had to get it out so, in a series of back-and-forth text messages, she’d told Nancy the whole sordid story. In between administering cups of tea and assuring her mum and Aunty Betty that they did not need to sit in A&E for twelve hours, Nancy called Molly and in hushed tones they dissected Harley’s situation. As Molly hoped, Nancy was going to make damn sure the torment ended.
She hadn’t returned until 2am, and they agreed not to discuss the matter in the house. The will reading was set to take place at 4pm that day so they’d agreed to get up early and go out for breakfast, somewhere they could talk privately.
The children’s playground was nearly empty save for a toddler swinging in slow arcs while his mother scrolled throughher phone and pushed him from behind. Beyond the low fence, benches dotted the curve of the pathway. Molly sat shivering on one, her floral dress catching on the morning breeze, making her glad she’d worn her denim jacket.
Nancy joined her a few moments later, carrying two takeaway coffees from a food truck nearby. She passed one to Molly without a word and sat down, leaving a small gap between them. Neither of them had an appetite for food and the park seemed as good a place as any to talk. They sat in silence for a few sips, their thoughts elsewhere, maybe shared, thinking of the will reading later. That was one of the reasons they were there, away from the house so that Nancy could divulge whatever it was she’d been holding in, a secret that had direct bearing on whatever the solicitor was going to say. And to talk about Harley.
‘What do you think we should do about Harley? We have to get Shane off her back even if it means I give her the money to repay him, then he won’t have a financial hold over her.’ Molly would transfer the money that day if necessary and give Harley written proof that it was a gift.
