Twenty-seven minutes had passed since Robin had collapsed in a heap at the table, unable to speak, allowing the tears to flow while her body was racked with sobs so intense they made her ribcage hurt.
Nate had brought her tissues and a glass of water and through it all she was aware of Edmund to her left, still in his seat, the fingers of his right-hand drumming on the tabletop. When her tears ceased, she kept her face hidden in her arms that were folded beneath her, resting on the cool pine. She could hear the constant thrumming transmitted through the wood.
It was Edmund’s way of showing impatience yet strangely, it had the opposite effect and soothed her, like a baby listening to its mother’s heartbeat. It gave her time to think.
By the time she raised her head to face Nate, she had realised one thing and decided on another. They weren’t going to change their mind, no matter how much she begged. And she would never look Edmund in the eye again.
All she could do was ask for time. Time with Willow before they took her away but before that gave it one more try.
‘I’ll ask you again. Please leave Willow with me and just walk away? It really is that simple, Nate.’
When he answered, he had the decency to look sincere, but the steel in his voice made his feelings clear. ‘I’m sorry, Robin. I can’t. You might think I’m doing this for purely selfish reasons, but I assure you that’s not the case. You’ll be able to visit her and it’s a lovely place. Edmund and I were there this morning and once you see it I’m sure you’ll agree. I’m so grateful to Edmund for offering to pay the fees because it’s taken a weight off my mind.’
Well, that’s okay then. As long as you’re fine and dandy, we’ll all just jog on like nothing’s happened, shall we.
When she spoke, Robin couldn’t hide her sarcasm. ‘Yes, I’m sure Edmund couldn’t wait to get his cheque book out and spend some of the fortune his mummy and daddy left him. It’s a pity he’s never fancied sharing it with charity, you know, doing good in the Lord’s name for the poor and needy of the world but hey-ho, such is life living with a devout hypocrite.’
Nate bowed his head and Robin hoped shame had just kicked him in the gut.
‘If you won’t change your mind, will you allow me one wish. It’s easy enough to grant seeing as you’ll have other things to be getting on with.’
She received a nod of the head. ‘Ask away.’
‘Let me have the rest of weekend with Willow, alone, just the two of us. I don’t want Edmund anywhere near her. I would also prefer it if you kept well out of my way and in the meantime, make alternative living arrangements. I don’t want you here any longer than necessary. I take it you’ll be going with Willow to the… whatever they call the place you’re locking her up in.’
Robin couldn’t bring herself to say the word ‘home’ because as far as she was concerned it was a prison. ‘And don’t think for one second that I’ll take her. I’m not having her think I betrayed her, because she will. If you do this, you do it yourself.’
Surprisingly, Nate didn’t even consult Edmund before he answered. ‘That’s fine. I’ll make myself scarce, but would you pack her things? You’ll know what she needs better than me.’
Then after he had the grace to blush at his request he confirmed arrangements. ‘And yes. I’m going to take her. I won’t come back afterwards. I think that’s for the best. But if you change your mind and want to…’
Robin raised her palm. ‘I won’t.’
Nate nodded then his focus turned to Edmund. ‘Edmund, please respect Robin’s wishes for the next two days and give her space and time with Willow. The last thing we want is any more upset.’
She didn’t see Edmund’s response and in the absence of a verbal objection, presumed he’d agreed with a nod. Then without another word, Robin rose from her seat and left the room, her wellies slip slapping on the tiles. Like her, they were muted as they made their way up the stairs. Her only thought was Willow and being with her.
From that moment on the clock was ticking, counting down the hours minutes and seconds until they took her precious child away.
CHAPTERFORTY-EIGHT
BABS
This isthe hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Don’t ever let anyone tell you leaving is easy because it isn’t. It’s agony.
This is my home. A place of safety that saw us all through the saddest and happiest times and its walls have wrapped themselves around me from the day we moved in. I know every stick of furniture, each knick-knack and plate, where I bought them and probably when, if I set my mind to it.
I built my nest here, and looked after my chicks one by one, imagining how they would grow and the people they would become once they fledged. And I have to laugh at the irony of that thought because they’re all still here! My big daft chicks still haven’t buggered off. Maybe once again mummy bird needs to show them the way, and I will.
I’ve been lying here on the sofa, listening to the dawn chorus outside as I went over it all one more time in my head. Planning what I’m going to say to Pete and the kids. I’m scared they’ll cry or get angry. I’ve settled on angry because my lot aren’t really criers, Pete especially, unless his team goes down a league and then it’s a different matter.
I’ve tried to salve my conscience with the fact that I’m not deserting three babes in nappies, and that I’ve got them all to a stage in their lives where they have the tools and moral compass to navigate the road ahead.
That said, our Isaac might need a nudge from Fiona and I’m starting to think our Sasha is welded to her bed, her laptop and her earbuds but at least she’s working. It’s the perfect job, sitting down and talking all day, albeit to customers about car insurance.
All in all, I think they’ll be fine. Demi especially. She’s got her head screwed on and I truly think that her spirit and common sense have helped me these past few months, yesterday at Mum’s, more than ever.
It’s Pete that I worry about the most. He could go either way. Vegetate in front of the telly feeling sorry for himself and drive everyone nuts, or just be Pete, doing all the things Pete loves to do. You never know, he might even book that holiday with ‘the gang’ and have himself a holiday romance. How would I feel about that? I honestly don’t know until it happens, but I do want him to be happy and for us to stay friends. It might be a big ask but we’ll see.
