‘Like settling for second best. Putting my dreams and wants aside. The kids first. To some extent that’s okay when they are little, toddlers who can’t fend for themselves, or seven-year-olds who think their dad’s the bees’ knees, teenagers who need stability, but when does it stop? When is it ever the right time to say,yoo-hoo, look at me. I deserve to be happy, too.One day you wake up and realise life is passing you by and it’s a horrible feeling.’
‘Is that how you feel? Seriously, that life has passed you by.’
Babs gave a nod. ‘Yes, love. I do.’
Then Robin. ‘And I’m sure thousands, millions of women have turned a blind eye to an affair, thinking it will blow over and it’s a phase, a mid-life crisis, whatever. It probably always ends in tears.’
For a heartbeat there was silence followed by a question from Gina. ‘So what would you two do? If you found out Pete and the vicar were having affairs? Would you leave them?’
Babs answered immediately. ‘Too bloody right. He’d be bin-bagged and out the door in a flash. To be honest I’ve often wished it, that he’d run off with someone from the office and then I could play the injured party and have a cast-iron reason to call it a day.’
Gina was aghast. ‘Oh my God. Are you really that fed up, with Pete? Would you really leave him and the kids.’
And there it was. The million-pound question and now it’d been asked, Babs was suddenly desperate to voice her intentions, ones that right up until that moment had seemed like an out-of-reach fantasy. ‘Yes, I am that fed up. And there’s a strong possibility that I am going to leave, once I’ve worked out how to do it.’
Even Robin sounded shocked. ‘Would you really leave Demi? I mean, Isaac and Sasha are adults now but surely Demi needs you. She’s only just started college. I honestly can’t believe you’d even consider it. And that’s not a judgement by the way. It just sounds so un-Babs-like. To abandon her family.’
Babs puffed out her cheeks. ‘But I’m not abandoning them. Two of them are adults and need to stand on their own feet and I don’t think they ever will while I’m around. And as for our Demi, she’s got her head screwed on and she’ll be leaving for university in a year or so, and what’ll happen to me, then?’
She looked from one to the other, then answered her own question, ‘I’ll still be there. Stuck in my life and another year wasted in coasting. I’m not doing it anymore.’
‘But what about Pete? Don’t you love him anymore? Has he been horrible to you or something, and you’ve kept it quiet?’ This was from Gina.
Babs reached for Gina’s hand and gave it a jiggle. ‘No, love. He’s not been horrible, not in the way you mean. He’s just been Pete and that’s probably my fault. I have to take some responsibility for how it’s all turned out because I should’ve stood up for myself more, made the effort to get him to understand how I felt. And been firmer with the kids, so many things.
‘I can’t change the past, but I can bloody well change my future. And as for whether I love Pete, yes I do, but like an old friend I’ve known for all my adult life. I don’t wish him any ill, but I have to make a choice. Do I plod on? Or, do I take a chance?’
Gina nodded. ‘Only you can decide that, but I’m curious. Have you actually explained all this to Pete and given him the chance to change… or do you not want him to?’
Babs sat back in her chair, weary from her exchange with Pete and opening her heart to her friends but there was no point in telling half a story and if it meant helping Gina in any way at all, it’d be worth it.
‘I did want him to change, and I’ve tried to make him understand but today, just before I came here, it dawned on me I was wasting my breath. Gina love, pass me that bottle. I’ll have a top-up then I’ll tell you about our lay-by rendezvous… and then you’ll see why I was half-cut when I got here!’
By the time she’d given them chapter and verse, Babs could tell that Gina and Robin were on the same page and it was a relief, to have got it all off her chest. It had been stupid, keeping it all bottled up and she wished she’d confided in one of them beforehand. It might have eased the burden.
Turning to Gina, she asked her a question. ‘So now, do you understand what I was trying to say? I know you love the bones of Max and Mimi and want to protect their lovely world for as long as you can, but please, love, don’t sacrifice yourself in the process. In the end you’ll be more miserable than you are now, and they deserve a happy mum. With or without their dad, who, for the record, deserves a chance to prove you wrong.’
Babs was relieved to see Gina nod, yet not surprised by her answer.
‘I’ll give it all some thought, proper thought. The kids are going for a sleepover at Jimmy’s parents’ this weekend. He’s dropping them off on Friday, so I’ll have time and space to approach him. I just need to get it straight in my head and pluck up courage.’
Robin spoke next. ‘Well I’m glad to hear it, and both of you, please, please promise you’ll ring me, or each other from now. I can’t believe you’ve both being going through the mill and kept it to yourselves. Let’s promise to be here for each other, day or night. That’s what friends are for, and I am so glad to have you two in my life.’
Instinctively, all three of them stretched their hands towards a space on the table and formed a pile, one hand on top of the other in solidarity. It was a special moment, and it meant a lot to Babs, and she hoped to the others, too.
Then something pinged into her head. ‘So, that’s me and Gina all unburdened, so now I think it’s your turn, Robin. We still haven’t discussed Nate and what to do about him. We need to get our heads together.’
With a release of hands, they all reclined in their chairs and Babs could see that Robin was deep in thought, her brow furrowed, and then a light in her eyes. ‘Yes, we do, but before that we need something very important.’
Babs was intrigued. ‘Ooh, what’s that?’
Standing, Robin headed to the fridge, smiling as she went, a mischievous look in her eye. ‘It’s obvious,’ she pulled open the door and reached inside before showing them what she meant. ‘We need… chocolate cake!’
CHAPTERTHIRTY-NINE
ROBIN
It had been a bluff,stalling for time but the chocolate cake had done the trick and even Gina had accepted a thin slice which seemed to please Babs no end. Robin had taken a portion but had zero appetite for food whereas the rest of the bottle of red was sorely tempting. She’d have to abstain, though.
