Jimmy also vied for attention. ‘Earth to Gina… do we have any chocolate? I promise I won’t tell the kids. I know you’ve got some stashed somewhere, my little Mars bar muncher.’ He winked, still chewing a Jammie Dodger, his blue eyes fixed, smiling. She loved that, when his smile was just for her, even for a second.
‘Top shelf inside the box of All Bran.’ Gina revelled in his look of joy, a grin spreading across his face followed by a grimace.
‘Urgh, who in their right mind eats All Bran?’
‘Well definitely not the kids, which is why I hid it there and DON’T you dare eat all my stash. Save some for me.’
He raced over to the cupboard, rubbing his hands together in delight at the prospect of a treat. How she loved him, this disappointing man whose normally groomed fair hair, currently left to its own devices, now flopped in unruly waves as he delved inside the box. Yes, his trendy beard needed a trim and the ‘just got out of bed’ look might soon wear thin, but nothing could disguise his charm or smother his wicked sense of humour and caring nature. Of all his glowing attributes, if you took away the fancy trimmings, in looks and life, he was still the guy she’d met at a rugby do, a people person. A decent bloke. Or that’s what she’d believed.
No, she couldn’t go there. It was too much to even peep at the pictures she’d painted in her head. She had to deal with the present, smooth the crinkles out of their life and in turn, ease the ones etched across her husband’s brow. Even though he’d been worried about the economy, at that moment she suspected the difficult choice between a bar of Galaxy, or a Flake was currently his greatest concern.
‘Have the Galaxy; you make too much mess with a Flake.’
Jimmy nodded, knowing his own limitations and stuffed the second choice back in the cereal box while she delved into his mind.
‘I reckon lockdown is going to be a huge challenge for any employer, but if the government helps out, you’ll just need to focus on motivating your team and keeping that side of things on track… for when it’s over and everyone can get back to work.’
How bizarre, that even though it had just begun, the mention of lockdown ending caused something inside her chest to flutter and Gina knew why. When the kettle clicked, she decided to test the water.
‘Do you think it’s going to drive you mad, being here with me for days on end?’ She’d purposely omitted the children because they weren’t the problem; she was. It was she who lacked, just like always. She held her breath, watching his eyes concentrating on spooning sugar into his mug because it drove her mad when he sprinkled granules on the worktop.
When he looked up, he wore a quizzical expression. ‘No, not at all. In fact I think it’ll be fun, having some time with you and the kids especially in this weather. We’ll just have to make the best of it.’
Gina bridled yet forced a smile and turned her anger into a jokey retort. ‘What, make the best of a bad job? Being trapped at home with the wife. Deprived of your interesting colleagues and friends. Ah, I get it. I’m the booby prize.’
A flicker of something crossed his face, he looked troubled, suspicious before turning her comment on its head. ‘No, I don’t mean that, Mrs Touchy. I meant that it’s a situation we didn’t expect but could turn to our advantage. When am I ever going to get this chance again? Not to be up at stupid o’clock to avoid the rush-hour drive into the city. To have breakfast with the kids, be home before bath-time, read Mimi the same fairy story a hundred times or play football with Max. It’ll be nice not having to pack family time into just the weekend. For however long it lasts we can pretend the weekend happens every day.That’swhat I meant.’
And even though his words should’ve brought comfort, they hadn’t. Because he hadn’t mentioned her, not really. He hadn’t singled her out. He’d lumped her in like she came with the deal, part of the package. And it stung like nettles, the blisters of hurt blooming below the surface, out of sight in the place she kept her secret, or – more to the point – his secret.
Swallowing her disappointment Gina chose to rally. ‘Well, it’s not going to be all fun and games because you still have work to do. And Max will need to be home-schooled, but I can take care of that. Mimi probably won’t even notice but I think they’ll miss their friends.’
Jimmy brought over their mugs and sat opposite at the kitchen island. ‘I’ll do my bit, don’t worry about that. I’ve been saying you look tired lately and you’ve lost weight again. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.’
He gave Gina a look that meant,do you want to talk about it?And in truth she did, but couldn’t because then it would all come out. Like when you opened the fluff-filter in the washing machine and all the gunge and grime dribbled out. And then they’d be finished. So instead she responded with a vacant expression, one that meantmove on.So he did.
‘Maybe we’ll need to have some kind of daily timetable, you know, to keep the monsters in check, so Mimi doesn’t go feral, and Max does his lessons. If I set aside part of the day for working, I’m sure there’ll be plenty of time to do family stuff. After all, I won’t be commuting or entertaining clients or wasting an hour for lunch because we can have it here, together. See, I’m liking lockdown more and more with every minute.’
Jimmy took a swig of tea then stood, his attention drawn to the garden where Max was attempting keepy-uppies and Mimi was having a conversation with her dolls and teddies who she’d gathered in a semi-circle around her.
Gina followed his gaze and took in the scene and held in her mind a moment of childhood bliss. An afternoon cocooned in ignorance of everything that was going on in the world, on the other side of the perimeter fence, or in their parents’ marriage.
The thing was Gina wasn’t even sure what was really going on there either, although she had a very good idea and it had been killing her for too long. Slowly and surely like a disease eating her mind and body.
‘Come on, let’s go outside and get some sun on our faces, and I’ll show Max my superior keepy-uppy skills. Let’s stick the barbecue on and eat outside. Have we got any sausages?’
‘What?’ Gina was miles away and dragged her eyes and concentration back to Jimmy.
‘Sausages, do we have any?’ Jimmy drained the last of his tea and placed the mug on the island.
‘Yes, we have loads, some in the fridge and more in the freezer. I’ll get them out and wash these up. You go outside. I’ll be there in a minute. We’ll discuss timetables and navigating lockdown later when the kids are in bed.’
He didn’t need to be asked twice, mainly because washing-up wasn’t on Jimmy’s radar and he was useless at loading the dishwasher. His mum said it was a ploy he’d perfected at thirteen and Gina was a fool to fall for it. Yes, Gina was a fool all right, no doubt about that.
Dumping the mugs inside the dishwasher Gina slammed the door shut and then rested her hands on the cool marble, closing her eyes and taking a moment to compose herself, go over the rules that would govern their lives, that would keep Jimmy at home with her and well away from that woman. The bane of her life.
She’d been given another chance and finally, after all the years of saying her prayers, believing, clinging on to her faith like a talisman, just as she was about to throw the towel in and tell God that he was a big let-down, there was hope. Not that she’d asked for a pandemic. But as an answer to a prayer for the woman who was having an affair with your husband to drop dead, it wasn’t far off the mark.
As she engaged her slow-breathing technique, Gina also admonished herself, taking the blame for allowing a charmed life to lull her into a cycle. Rinse and repeat. She’d just stood back and let it happen, been complacent and the buzz they once had was barely audible, the spark intermittent like a dodgy pilot light.
