Rosina backed Violetta up. ‘No, seriously, Mum. I get why Leo didn’t want to tell you about Joel, who I’m very chuffed about, by the way.’ She winked at Leonora who beamed and gave her one back.
‘And again with Vi, who I must say has done a sterling job of pulling the wool over our eyes for so long and in my opinion missed her way and should be a secret agent.’ At that, they all laughed as she grabbed her mum’s hand and then became serious. ‘But this Christmas is for you and none of us wanted to spoil all your plans because if anyone deserves their perfect day, or weekend or however long you want it to go on for, you do.’
Violetta spoke next. ‘Rosie’s right. You’ve never ever let us down and for as long as we can remember you’ve been the best mum and grandma. And I know you never talk about it much, but you put what happened when you were little behind you, and focused on us, always giving us the best Christmas Day you could so now it’s our turn to make it special for you.’
Leonora agreed. ‘And that’s why in our own messed-up ways, without knowing we all had secrets, too, nobody wanted to be the one who ruined it. You’re ace, Mum. You really are the best example anyone could wish for, it’s as simple as that.’ Leonora’s voice cracked on her final word, and when her mum spoke hers was slightly croaky too.
‘Well, those were lovely words and thank you for trying to protect me but you shouldn’t put me on a pedestal, you know. I’m not perfect, I’m really not and I’ve made mistakes and done things that have kept me awake at night so in future, please remember that. We all have our secrets.’
Rosina tutted. ‘Well, I find that very hard to believe. In my eyes you’re our rock.’
Carmen smiled. ‘Actually, I think the true rock of our family was the person who is missing from the table right now. Your gran was the strongest, most honourable woman I know and okay, she had her views that could make us cringe sometimes but she put me first always, and then you three when she came to live with us and honestly, without her help I wouldn’t have been able to build the business. She’s where we get our strength from, she was the glue, the one who kept us all together and I miss her so much.’
Rosina remembered that her gran always told them it was okay to cry, let it all out and then get on with it, so they did. They shared a moment of quiet, all four overcome by emotion. The clock ticked and from the corner of her tear-filled eye, Rosina imagined her gran, sitting at the end of the table, smiling as she flicked her lighter. It was probably her imagination but she could have sworn there was a hint of cigarette smoke in the air, and someone whispering in her ear.
I was listening, Rosie, my love. And I always will.
25
Carmen
Violetta, in her inimitable way, was the one who brought them all back to earth with an unsurprising statement. ‘Ladies, I need another drink! And not a mug of sweet tea, either.’
‘Well, why break the habit of a lifetime?’ Leonora was wiping her eyes with her sleeves, giving Rosina a wry smile as she spoke.
‘Hey… don’t knock it. I have three able-bodied babysitters at my beck and call and after the week I’ve had I’m going to make the most of it. And being able to conk out in my old room cuddled up to Darcy. That mattress is still the most comfy one in the world.’
At this Carmen smiled. She loved the fact that when they stayed, Violetta and Darcy still slept in the same bedroom that had Violetta’s name plate on the door. She also loved how her three daughters had stuck together over the last couple of hours and rallied, their usual banter creeping back into what had been a heavy set of conversations.
It would probably take a while for her to truly digest everything she’d heard and out of the three confessions, Leonora’s had troubled her the least while Rosina’s and Violetta’s had almost given her heart failure.
Not that she had let it show. First rule of being a mum is wearing an impassive expression while your children tell you something you really don’t want to know – like the time a letter went home to all the Year 3 parents about stealing food; and at bedtime, Leonora admitted it was her who’d taken Philip Bolton’s orange Kit Kat from his lunchbox and eaten it in the toilets. Show even a flicker before they’ve confessed, they will clam up; and if you overreact, they will never tell you anything ever again! It was the law.
In all honesty, she’d been that shocked during Violetta’s outburst that she couldn’t even think straight, let alone speak. So whatever expression she’d portrayed during that, and then Rosina’s astounding revelation wasn’t actually down to acting, more being totally and utterly dumbfounded.
It was seeing her daughters’ distress that had really and truly rocked her. And that alone brought such a rush of white-hot rage that it wiped out all traces of shock, clearing her head and allowing her to think straight. They were relying on her. She had to pull herself together and fast. And if it hadn’t been for her ridiculous hankering for a happy-ever-after Christmas, they’d have been able to nip some of it in the bud even sooner.
And there was something else that bothered her. Their insistence that she was perfect, beyond reproach. Was that why they felt unable to confide in her? She hoped not. God only knew she wasn’t perfect yet no matter how many times she’d told them, they wouldn’t have it.
Then again, through her own rose-coloured specs she remembered her mother, the great Granny Sylvia, as being beyond reproach when they all knew she could also be a complete nightmare. Refusing to eat her Kentucky Fried chicken when she found out it was halal, turning off her favourite soaps if one of the characters turned out to be gay and then thinking Nigel Farage was the answer to all her prayers.
It was an easy thing to do, turn a blind eye to a parent’s mistakes and forgive them. Like she’d forgiven her mum for taking them away from London and a place her dad could easily have found them, or rang them on the phone. And then there was belief and trust that what a parent says is true, and does things for the best. She’d believed her mum when she said her dad had run away with Martha but what if he’d changed his mind and decided he loved them more? He might have wanted to come back. In the end Carmen chose right over wrong. She’d been there when Martha came round to tell them what her dad had done. He’d been bad, going off with another lady and that was that.
It was the same with her own children. Rosina had witnessed her father’s behaviour first-hand, and Violetta and Leonora had taken everyone’s word that it was true. Yet still, after all these years none of them had ever questioned her role in it all. None of them had been cross with a silly young girl who had thought she knew best and tried to trap a man not once, but twice with a baby. It was she who had insisted they stayed at Appleton, a place Sebastian hated. It had driven him away and made him bitter so that he sought solace in drink and women he met on his travels. That was no excuse for the way he’d treated her but then again did she have an excuse for the things she’d done?
‘Mum, earth to Mum.’ Leonora clinked two glasses together in a further attempt to attract Carmen’s attention. ‘Would you like a glass of wine? You were miles away then.’
‘Yes, that would be lovely. And then we need to get ready. The others will be here soon and heaven help us if we’re not raring to go. And Bern can’t wait to be in charge of the train… Ooh, which reminds me.’
Violetta stopped mid-pour. ‘Reminds you of what?’
‘That I had two things to tell you but somehow… Oh yes, it was Leonora’s news about Joel that diverted us and then all hell broke loose. Anyway, I have something else I’d like to tell you, apart from looking for my dad.’ Carmen took one of the glasses of wine and a fortifying sip, noticing as she did that all three daughters had her in their sights and were waiting.
‘Well, and I know we’ve taken our time about it, but Bern is moving in here, to Appleton, with me.’ There, she’d said it and had no idea why she felt so hot and bothered because they were used to seeing him there, had been for years. Maybe it was the silence around the table that unnerved her. ‘Somebody please say something! Put me out of my misery for goodness’ sake.’
Violetta did just that with a round of applause and awoohoo, followed by her sisters. ‘At bloody last! What’s brought all this on? Oh, oh. I know. You’ve got Berny-Bernice pregnant, haven’t you, Mum?’
Carmen couldn’t help laugh at Violetta’s ridiculous question and took it in good part, she had no other option really. ‘No, I haven’t got Bern pregnant, you monster. Sometimes I wonder where your mind goes, I really do.’
