‘Well, as if I’d leave you in the lurch right now especially with Christmas coming up. We need to give those girls a good time regardless of what’s happened and you look exhausted. I’ll ring in sick tomorrow and then get stuck into helping here while you have a rest. I think you need one, body and mind, don’t you?’
When the tears came, like lava from a volcano they wouldn’t stop, prompting Sylvia to dart from her chair and sit by Carmen’s side, holding her tight while she cried it out. ‘That’s good, you need to get it all out in one big go and then you’ll feel better.’
‘Do you think they’ll be okay? The girls and this one, too.’ Carmen placed a hand on her belly.
‘Yes, of course they will, they have us and once the dust is settled you and I will sit down and work out what to do going forward. We need to decide if you can manage here or you’ll have to call it a day and sell up – but for now, let’s just take one step at a time.’
The thought of leaving Appleton immediately filled Carmen’s heart with dread and now Sebastian, the wage earner was gone, everything hung in the balance. Panic came next to the party, pricking at her conscience, reminding her of mistakes, marrying the wrong man, trapping him in a house he hated, filling it with children he had no time for.
‘I hope I did the right thing… that it wasn’t all for nothing… the girls are my everything, and you.’ Carmen’s words were barely a whisper, pushing through a layer of fatigue and conjured by an exhausted brain.
‘What do you mean, love, the right thing?’ Sylvia pulled away and regarded her daughter, confusion flickering across her face.
Carmen didn’t answer immediately, rubbing her tired eyes, blowing her nose, sighing before she replied. ‘Trying… trying to make it work, hanging on to a man who didn’t love me anymore and then this–’ Once again she indicated the baby within. ‘–bringing another child into a loveless marriage and a broken home because I thought it would stick us back together.’
It was true, that’s what Carmen had done but admitting it didn’t ease the guilt. ‘I did it for all of us but most of all for the girls. I wanted them to have a dad and be a proper family. I thought it was the right thing to do.’
‘My darling girl, of course it was the right thing to do. You tried, for the sake of the girls you did what you thought was best and nobody could ever accuse you otherwise. You made a choice and put them first, and were prepared to sacrifice your happiness for them. So no more worrying, okay. And wecanbe a proper family and between us you and I will make up for anything they think they are missing, like I did with you.’
Carmen wiped away tears as she realised how her words might have sounded. ‘Mum, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up the past or make you feel bad and you’re right, you’ve been a mum and a dad to me, you filled all the gaps. So together, we’ll do the same. You were hurt too, all those years ago and did what you thought best at the time, just like me. I understand that more than ever now.’
A moment passed between them, mother and daughter, woman to woman, decades of history and memories of things they wished to forget or alter, binding them even closer together.
‘Well there you go then, we make a right pair, don’t we. Now, how about I make us some toast and another cuppa and then we’ll get off to bed and when those girls get up in the morning, we’ll be waiting with a smile on our faces and a bit of a spring in our step. Is that a deal?’ Sylvia stood, still watching Carmen closely.
‘It’s a deal and yes, tea, toast then bed. Thanks Mum.’
Sylvia patted her hand then bustled over to the bread bin. Relaxing her tense body into the sofa, in the glow from the kitchen lamp, the room warm from the logs that burned in the range, Carmen drew comfort from her mum’s words and being in the heart of the house that she couldn’t give up on. It was their home and she would find a way to stay.
* * *
A few days later, when the solicitor arrived to go over the details of Sebastian’s will, in one fell swoop all, or most of Carmen’s worries melted away. Perhaps the huge payout shouldn’t have come as such a shock because her husband had sold insurance for a living and therefore made a shrewd move. It was more the fact that – for once – he’d actually done the decent thing and ensured his family were provided for that came as a shock. Perhaps he did care after all. It was Sylvia who popped that bubble the second she’d seen the solicitor out and returned to the kitchen to sit with her shell-shocked daughter.
‘Well at last, he came good. Doesn’t surprise me though. I can imagine him now, making sure he screwed the insurance company for as much as he could and at the same time thinking he was invincible and the policy wouldn’t be cashed in. That’s how arrogant he was.’
‘Mmm, I know what you mean but let’s not dwell on that now. We’ve been handed a lifeline and that money means we can stay here. I need to make it work for us, though, not just leave it in the bank to pay the bills. The farm rents are a bonus and would have tided us over for a while but this is a pure godsend and a golden opportunity to change our lives. So get your thinking cap on, Mother.’
Sylvia nodded. ‘That’s all very sensible but let’s get Christmas over with first, and I for one fancy a trip into town. Come on, let’s go get the girls some nice bits and bobs. For once in our lives we won’t have to pinch the pennies and that in itself is a cause for celebration. We can have some lunch in BHS too. You’re paying. Chop-chop, get your bag and coat, you’ve pulled.’
They’d laughed for the first time in ages that day, and it wasn’t until the New Year that Carmen caught her breath, quite literally puffed out from hauling herself and her humongous baby bump up the stairs. She’d stopped on the landing to look out across the fields that now belonged to her when an idea popped into her head as she imagined them full of home-grown produce. A giant vegetable patch rather than a square in the corner of the garden.
It had been something she’d longed to do but looking after the girls and renovating the house had come first. Now, though, she could easily afford to have someone else restore Appleton, from the leaky roof down. And her mum could help with the girls and the baby (whenever it decided to make an appearance) while she started a business.
If she utilised the land that surrounded the property Carmen could open a farm shop which would sell what they grew, along with the meat and poultry produced by the neighbouring farmers. She had the capital to do it properly, start off small and grow a business that would provide jobs for the locals and give her an income. Never had Carmen been so energised and focused, driven and desperate to get back down the stairs and start making a list. Which would have happened had her waters not broken, right there and then on the landing.
* * *
One year and another daughter later, Carmen stood watching the diggers as they began scraping out earth for the footings that would be the foundations of her farm shop. Baby Leonora was fast asleep in the pram, rocked to and fro by Granny Sylvia who had given up her job and flat in Manchester and moved to Appleton permanently. The house was almost complete after being fully restored, rewired, re-plumbed and revalued by the bank who, going forward, would be happy to consider lending against Carmen’s considerable assets.
There had been another development with regards to her business venture and that was the hiring of a project manager who would oversee the planting and farming of the outlying fields. She had intended advertising for the role but word had spread of her plans and one autumn evening, she’d been surprised by a knock on the back door and found Bern waiting outside, looking bashful.
‘Sorry to impose, Carmen, but I wondered if I could have a quick word?’
‘Of course, and you’re not imposing. It’s great to see you. Come in and take a seat.’ Carmen quickly removed the knife and bag of potatoes from the table to make room for their guest.
Pulling out a chair Bern said hi to Rosina who was finishing her homework while Violetta played with Leonora on the floor by the new Aga.
‘So, how can I help? Do you fancy a coffee, or I have some wine.’
