‘I suppose I could ask you the same?’ Turning, standing straight and… proud, he walked over to the mini bar and as he looked over his shoulder gave her a wink. ‘I think we both need a drink and little chat, don’t you?’
Swallowing down bile, Violetta nodded because even though her instinct was to run, she knew she had to stay and sort this out. She also knew something else. No matter what the cheating, lying scumbag said, he wasn’t getting his fucking money back! That was for sure.
5
Rosina
Appleton Farm, Cheshire
Present day
Closing the door to her office Rosina rested against it, shutting her eyes for a second, glad that she had her own little space where she could escape the madness that Christmas brought to the garden centre.
They were busy all year round but December was off the scale when it felt like the whole of Cheshire descended on them. In recent years, pandemic aside, they’d had to employ parking marshals so that the queue of traffic didn’t block the road or the entrance otherwise they’d have complaints from the residents of Gawsworth village. Still, it was a great way for Max, her son, and a couple of his mates from college to earn a few extra quid and he loved doing his bit for the firm. His favourite place to be, though, was in the greenhouses, literally getting his hands dirty, up to his wrists in compost.
He watched all the gardening programmes on the telly and was hoping to study horticulture but in the meantime had sourced new varieties for the online side of the business, assuring his grandma that they would sell, and they did. All the family had him pegged as the next Monty Don and even though it might be a pipe dream, Rosina secretly hoped the eldest grandchild would one day play a bigger part in the business, maybe taking the helm. As long as he was happy she didn’t care, as long as he never felt like she did.
Returning to her desk Rosina pulled open the top drawer and looked at the Tupperware containing the lunch that she should have eaten hours ago, then pushed it shut. She had no appetite and even if she did manage one of the sandwiches there was a chance it’d make her nauseous. Combined with the panic attacks that were coming more frequently Rosina was on the verge of a meltdown.
She actually understood what people meant when they said that the walls were closing in because that’s how she felt, surrounded. From all corners of a dark room inside her mind came the whispers, reminders, warnings. And as if to reinforce the threat, her brain taunted her with images and each time she looked up the threat had taken another step closer.
Echoes of the past floated in her ears, the game her children loved to play when they were little: ‘What’s the time, Mr Wolf?’ and they would scream and run when Rosina would turn and roar ‘Dinner time.’
Looking at her watch she saw it would soon be time to go home and make dinner, and how ironic it was that a real-life wolf might actually come knocking at her door.
Resting her pounding head in her hands, Rosina tried to banish the demons, smother their incessant chatter, wipe them from her mind. No matter how many times she averted her eyes, clamped her hands to her ears, they lingered. The worst one, the biggest mistake she’d ever made, sneered from the shadows. There wasn’t an hour of the day she didn’t think about him, because he was always on the periphery, humiliating her, holding her to ransom.
And instead of lifting her up, the image of her husband Lou would make her weep, privately, of course. He would be so disappointed if he found out. She couldn’t bear the thought of how he would look at her, the things he would think, the trust lost. And to make matters worse, just out of sight, hovering behind their dad were her children. The respect they had for her, all the lessons she had taught them, the boundaries and rules she’d laid in place would become a mockery.
And there stood her mum and if that wasn’t enough, the essence of her beloved Granny Sylvia.
Shame consumed her as the final and biggest nail was hammered home when Rosina admitted how stupid she’d been. If only she had gone to her mum straight away and asked for help; if only her gran was still alive. She’d have confided in her, without a doubt, no matter how awkward the conversation would have been. They’d always had a special bond, been able to communicate with a look and share confidences. And while everyone in the family agreed that their mum was their rock, to Rosina, her Granny Sylvia had been a mountain. Touching the silver bracelet she wore on her left wrist, Rosina ran her thumb over the charm, a letter R. Her gran had given each of her granddaughters one.
I miss you, Gran. I wish you were here to tell me what to do.
Cutting through the moment, the vibration of her phone caused Rosina’s body to stiffen and if it wasn’t for the fact she had four children she would have ignored it. However, despite her other failings she was still a good mum. Yanking at her handbag that lay under the desk, Rosina placed it on her knee, and praying it was school to say that one of the girls was ill, because that truly was the lesser of all evils, she unzipped the top and took out her phone.
Seeing the name on the screen Rosina exhaled and answered. ‘Hi Mum, what’s up?’
‘Nothing, love. I just wanted to double-check a few things.’
Rosina smiled, indulging her mum. ‘Okay, fire away.’
‘What time are you all going to the churchyard on Sunday? I’ve already been?’
Grateful for the distraction and taking comfort from her mum’s voice, Rosina confirmed their plans. ‘Me and Vi will pick Leo up on the way and then come back for lunch, about one-ish. Is that okay? Darcy and the girls are going to watch Christmas movies at ours and Max will be working here.’
‘Perfect. I’m so looking forward to the four of us having some special time together before the run-up to Christmas week.’
‘Me too.’ The notion of being back at home in her mum’s kitchen brought Rosina some much needed comfort.
Intuitive as always, her mum asked a question that could only be answered with a fib. ‘Are you okay, love? You sound really tired. I bet it’s manic over there. Don’t forget to delegate.’
Rosina put on her best cheery voice. ‘Yes, I am tired but we all are really, and I do delegate, I promise. I swear if we stayed open twenty-four hours this place would still be heaving. But don’t worry, once we get the last weekend before Crimbo over, we should start to wind down. And it’s a Monday. I hate Mondays.’
‘As long as you’re sure everything’s okay. I do worry about you and I know Lou is a love but it’s not easy having a full-time job and four kids. So if you need some help, even if it’s a bit of housework, I can nip over to yours. Just give me a shout.’
Rosina felt the sting of tears and the wobble of her bottom lip but mustered a quick reply. ‘I will, Mum, I promise. And thank you.’
