‘I’m sorry, Maude, I don’t know what came over me and look at the time, you must be shattered, listening to me rattling on.’ Dottie felt slightly foolish, she’d never cried in front of Maude ever.
‘There’s no need to apologise, Gran. I feel honoured that you’ve shared all this with me and I’m not tired at all. I think you needed to get all of this off your chest and I can tell it’s been building up for a while, maybe even before we came to France. Do you feel better though, for telling me?’
Dottie didn’t hesitate. She really did feel like a weight had lifted. ‘Definitely, and you’ve been a wonderful listener, Maudie, and I’m so glad it was you I told all this to. I kept it locked away, waiting for the right person, and it was you.’
Maude gave Dottie a peck on the forehead. ‘Well, I’m going to make us some hot chocolate and then we can get ready for bed. I’d still like to ask you some questions though, I didn’t want to interrupt earlier.’
Dottie couldn’t imagine what more there was to tell. ‘I’ve told you everything now, we’ve caught up, really.’
‘But how did you get better and end up at the Ministry of Defence, and how did you meet Hugh and Uncle Konki again?’
Maude was talking as she flicked on the kettle and poured the chocolate powder into cups.
‘Hugh wrote to me and asked me to visit him at the convalescent home where he was recovering so he could thank me for saving his life, and he sounded rather lonely too. I didn’t want to go at first, I didn’t want to do anything, but it was Mémère who persuaded me. She was wise and suggested it would be good to connect with someone that understood. Slowly it dawned on me that Hugh was my only link to the Maquis and the idea of it spurred me on. Funny thing is, it’s not like we sat there and chatted about the good old days because we didn’t even mention the Resistance, those last days were too painful but it was as though we had a bond, and that was enough.’
Dottie stirred the hot chocolate that Maude handed her. ‘He was more worried that he’d said something embarrassing while he was ill, you know, rambling because of the infection in his bullet wound, bless him, but I reassured him that he had been a complete gentleman. From what I remember he did seem confused, talking about traitors and documents, smatterings of German that Konstantin interpreted as gibberish.’
Maude was smiling now. ‘I bet he thought he’d sworn undying love to you or something a bit rude. I told you he’s always fancied you, that’s why he made sure you were near him at work. Just think, you could have been Lady Dottie if you’d played your cards right and be living in that big posh house of his.’
‘You need to get a grip of your imagination, Maude, there’s never been any hint of that from Hugh, but you’re right, he has always looked after me and was a huge support emotionally too. Like I said, he was the one who found out about Maude and Vincent; he had, still has, lots of contacts. Hugh was so sweet, and I knew I could confide in him because he’d been there at the time, so when I was ready, like he promised, he brought me the information. I had to see it with my own eyes, to believe they really were gone.’
‘Well, he’s lovely and I’m glad his shyness and, you know, his physical appearance didn’t stop him from finding someone, even though he probably always held a torch for you.’
Dottie raised her eyebrows as she took a sip of her drink. ‘Moving on to Konstantin, my other imaginary admirer, when he popped up again it certainly was a surprise.’
Maude put her cup on the bedside table then wriggled up the bed. ‘Oh, I’m looking forward to this… go on, tell all.’
Laughing, Dottie followed suit. ‘Don’t start all that, you minx. Konstantin literally did just turn up one day. It was 1952, December to be precise, and I was on my way home from work, waiting for the bus and I heard a voice say, “Hello, my little Zaychik.” I was so shocked… but genuinely thrilled to see him.’
‘What was he doing in London?’
‘Well, it was the start of the Cold War and he said he was working as a consular attaché at the embassy, but I’ve always known, well, suspected that he was KGB. Hugh wasn’t pleased about our friendship, although he was gracious and thanked Konstantin for helping to get him to the boat. After that they remained guarded with each other but that was natural, owing to their work. It’s always fun, though, when they spar with each other. The rest is history. Your Uncle Konki just became part of my life, disappearing for a while, then he’d be back, witty, wise and loyal as ever. I’ve been blessed really, having them both in my life, but my favourite has always been Konstantin.’
‘Aw, I love Uncle Konki even though he still won’t tell me how he really got that scar on his face and I’ve heard about a hundred different versions of that story, the big fibber.’
Dottie laughed. ‘I learned a long time ago to take a lot of what he says with a pinch of salt but he’s never let me down and I would trust him with my life, just not to cheat at poker.’
‘I wonder why he never got married, do you think it’s because of his job?’
Relieved that Maude didn’t hint that it was because Konstantin was in love with her, Dottie related what she knew of his liaisons.
‘Probably, but he was never short of admirers and kept himself busy with a number of affairs, from what I can gather. Right, I think I’ve told you everything and I’m glad we ended with the life and times of Uncle Konki, thinking of him has cheered me up. I might ring him tomorrow while you’re painting a masterpiece. I’m going to get ready for bed now… it’s late and all this talking is exhausting, and I bet your ears are aching from my ramblings.’
A loud yawn from Maude confirmed she was tired too. ‘Not at all, Gran. It’s been fascinating and I’ll write it all down tomorrow but you’re right it’s late and I’m glad the last part was about Konki. I don’t want you feeling sad before you sleep or having nightmares because we’ve talked about the past.’
‘I’m not sad, so don’t worry. It’s done me good. Now go to sleep. I’ll turn the light out when I’ve finished in the bathroom. Sleep well, my darling girl. Love you.’
‘You too, Gran, night night. Love you too.’
Dottie watched as Maude turned over and snuggled down under the duvet, then she made her way to the bathroom and once inside, closed the door and her eyes on the past. There was only one more thing she needed to tell Maude, or did she? Perhaps the truth about George didn’t need to be told, it would do no good and maybe it was better that the only tortured person was herself, that the images she had of him at home in agony and those of Maude in a Nazi cell, stayed exactly where they were, locked in her mind for eternity.
30
Café des Amis
Renazé, 2005
They walked from the car, across the square, over cobbles that Dottie imagined still held her footprints, invisible, layers deep. She wouldn’t say it out loud but in her deepest moments, she’d imagined that coming back would be like walking through a portal and she would feel and see just as she did back then, in a time and place that clung tightly to her heart. It hadn’t happened yet because traffic still buzzed by, planes flew overhead, people crossed paths, connected to their phones, eyes focused on the screen, ears wired for sound. When she looked down at her feet, they still wore her Clarks sandals, not her black lace-up shoes, and the tarmac below told her she hadn’t time-travelled. She was stuck in the here and now.
