When she looked over Maude was laughing but trying to hide it with her hand.
‘Gran, stop, that’s my granddad you’re talking about and there is a thing as too much information. But how did you meet in the first place? And was it his drinking that ended it? Mum hates talking about her childhood. It’s like she brushes it under the carpet.’
‘Oh well that’s your mother all over. What she doesn’t like or can’t deal with she just ignores and I’m fully aware of how disappointed she was with me in particular, that’s why she was hell-bent on being the complete opposite.
‘But back to Morris, before I get diverted. It began because he worked for my dad’s accountants and I met him when I dropped the books off. It ended when he couldn’t even be trusted to watch over your mum while I was at work. He’d been sacked for being drunk so I became the breadwinner. He decided to make some chips for tea and then passed out while they cooked. He set the kitchen on fire and could’ve burned the house down had Jean not smelt smoke. I was horrified when I came home to find the fire brigade there. My dad had a fit and punched Morris on the nose. Then when he got up off the pavement, I told him to go to his parents and stay there. Forever. That was that.’
Maude sucked in a breath. ‘Flipping heck. Mum never mentioned a fire, but she did say that it was a messy divorce, lots of arguing about the house. Is that why you still don’t get on?’
Dottie shook her head. ‘He gets on my nerves. That’s why we don’t get on. That man is a whisky soaked waste of space. If he’d done something about it, joined AA, or stood on his own two feet and not kept them under his parent’s table then I’d have had a bit of respect for him, but he didn’t. Instead he tried to take half my house and unbelievably wanted custody of your mum, as if. Hugh sorted all the legal stuff out and got one of his old school chums to represent me in court where he wiped the floor with Morris and his solicitor. Nobody was going to take away my home. Mémère Delphine once told me a story about fighting for what is yours, and I never forgot it.’
‘What story?’
‘I’ll tell you another day, I promise.’ Dottie wanted to wind up the whole annoying husband issue.
‘If that’s what you want. But back to Mum and Granddad Morris, they have a good relationship despite his obvious faults, so I don’t understand why it wasn’t the same for you. It’s not like you did anything wrong so why are you and Mum always at loggerheads even if it’s all done in a very polite and non-confrontational kind of way?’
Dottie raised her eyebrows at this. ‘That’s very observant of you, Maude, and you’re right, we’ve always danced around each other I suppose, but I do love her, for all of her faults.’
It was Maude’s turn to raise her eyebrows. ‘Aw, Mum’s lovely, she’s just not as domineering as you so maybe she wanted a quiet, battle-free life.’
Chuckling, Dottie agreed. ‘How very diplomatic… and yes I am domineering but somebody had to be sensible and keep it all together. Don’t forget the early sixties weren’t used to single mothers and career girls. TheGood Housekeepingversion of the fifties was ingrained and where women’s independence was concerned, they’d shoved the forties into a drawer marked “best forgotten”. That’s how I felt anyway.’
Dottie folded her arms and could feel a bad mood coming on, but thought it best to get the trip down memory lane over with. ‘Your mother had a good life. I provided for her while Morris went from one job to the next. The only reason he has money these days is because he inherited the family firm. Thank goodness people keep dying otherwise he’d be bloody destitute.’
At this Maude made a ‘Brrrr’ sound and shivered. Dottie agreed, it gave her the creeps too, which was why they rarely mentioned it.
‘Yes, he saw Jean now and then and did the superhero daddy thing, but it was me who paid the mortgage and for her school trips and holidays. Every single year I took her away and no matter where we went, I could tell she hated it, or me, or both. While I was proud of being the single mum by the pool, surrounded by beach ball batting families, Jean wanted to fit in, be like them. She was the only one in her class with divorced parents. I could tell she cringed when her friends came for tea and her father wouldn’t breeze in from work and get out his pipe and slippers. Instead there was just me, drinking G&T and grilling fish fingers.’
Maude smiled. ‘That’s how I remember you too, cooking my tea in your work suit, those kitten heel slippers with the fluffy front and drinking naughty water. That’s what you called G&T.’
Dottie shrugged. ‘Well your mum hated it. I tried hard to show her an example, pass on some of my resilience and independence. I took her to work so she would understand what I did, who the person who paid the bills was. Isowanted her to be proud of me. I was the one who helped with homework, who hoped her school reports would say she excelled at something or showed an interest in at least one subject. But Jean seemed to delight in being average. And no matter how hard I tried, I was always her biggest disappointment so I gave up egging her on, or chastising her, whichever way you want to look at it. The last thing I wanted on my list of faults was “pushy mother”. Instead, I made sure she was happy, whatever that meant in Jean World, and that she never did without. Then I let her make her own way and mistakes.’
‘At least you weren’t at loggerheads and gave in gracefully, that says to me that you were sensible, still loving her but in your own way.’
Dottie shrugged the compliment off, Maude continued.
‘When she talks about her childhood she’s never nasty, you know. It’s more matter of fact, a sort of “that’s how it was” attitude. She doesn’t come across as unhappy at all and Mum loved being with Granddad Tommy and Granny Paulette, she told me. And she loved Delphine too.’
At this Dottie brightened. ‘Oh yes, your mum loved being at the café, we all did. It was one of those places that buzzed with warmth and activity and your mum would be there as much as she could. Straight after school and whenever I had to work late, she’d stay over. And she won’t know this but when she began working there I was so proud. On her first day I watched from across the street as she waited tables and served behind the counter. It was like looking at myself because I used to be happy there too, working with my parents, laughing with the regulars so I understood why she liked it so much.’
‘Were you cross when Mum married so young?’
‘No, not at all. I expected it really and I could see she was happy, radiant in fact. Jean wanted to create everything she felt she’d missed out on and who was I to deny her that? I paid for her wedding because “you-know-who” had lost his job again but I was pleased too, for many reasons. I hoped it would make up for what I’d been unable to give her, even if it was in the form of a silk dress and a dream wedding. I was proud to hand over the cheque that paid for it all and even though I would’ve loved to walk her down the aisle, I bowed graciously to tradition and kept my fingers crossed that Morris managed a straight line.’
‘And did he?’
‘On the way down yes, but I spotted him taking a swig from his hip flask during the signing of the register so going back up was another matter. The vicar wasn’t amused.’
‘Well I hope you’ve enjoyed being a grandma a bit more than being a mum. You and I have always been best friends, haven’t we?’
Dottie’s heart flipped at this and she was eager to make a point. ‘My darling Maude, you have been a total joy ever since the moment I saw you, surely you know that?’
‘Course I do. I was only teasing.’
When an unexpected cloud settled on Dottie, she knew why. The only way to blow it away was by braving the deluge that accompanied it. ‘She is brave, you know, your mum, brave and strong and a fighter. I saw it first-hand when she had her miscarriages. My heart broke for my child. I couldn’t give her the one thing she wanted more than anything, but it was the only time she ever let me hold her and comfort her. For a little while, each time, she let me be her mummy and wipe away her tears. She needed me and it felt so good.’
Dottie swallowed the lump in her throat. ‘Whenever she found out she was pregnant I prayed so hard that it would be okay, then cursed and railed when it wasn’t, so you can understand the joy I felt when you were born. Not for me, for my daughter. And as much as I can be a grumpy old goat, I adore your dad and I am truly happy that he married your mum. I do not begrudge them one moment together.’
