Stan huffed his exasperation. ‘After I was arrested he fell apart and started missing school because of the whispers and nasty comments. Basically, he was getting bullied and I think it all got too much. He turned into a bit of a snapper and got into a couple of fights, which is out of character. He just couldn’t take it, the usual stuff, name-calling, notes stuck inside his locker, text messages and then it was all over Facebook. His girlfriend dumped him when her parents stuck their oar in, and when it came to his GCSEs the only way Mum could get him to go was by dropping him off at the door. He’d aced his mocks but his actual results were a disaster so instead of going into sixth form like he wanted, he’s moved schools and has to resit them all. Because of me he’s always going to be a year behind and to make things worse he lost his mates. They’ve all got on with their lives while he’s had to start a new one without me there to help him.’
Billie was stunned and angry and sad. It then occurred to her if she felt this way then Stan would be riddled with the same feelings, only magnified a million times. ‘Well I’m here now and I’ll go and see them tomorrow. I promise. And I’ll do whatever I can to help. I love them both to bits, always have and always will. Nothing’s changed.’ Billie meant it with all her heart. Splitting up with Stan had hurt even more because it meant losing Sue and Darren too. Hopefully that was going to change.
‘Thanks, Billie. It will set my mind at rest if you do. They’ve both been in to visit but the first time Mum just cried all the way through and Darren looked like he was in shock. It was bad enough waiting for nearly a year to go to trial and the strain was unbearable for all of us, especially because they both believed I was innocent. So this…’ Stan flicked his head to the side. ‘It’s almost finished them off.’
‘Well, I’ll work out a rota with your mum so that we both get to see you. Or maybe we can all come together if that’s what you want. It says you can have up to three visitors at a time so we can all squeeze in.’ Finally, Billie felt she’d found something positive to say and hoped the idea of a happy group chat around the Formica table would lift him. Maybe now was the time to say more but Stan’s next comment interrupted her train of thought. Or was it just another excuse?
‘That’d be nice. Whatever’s best and it might give Mum and Darren a break if they know you are going to visit. I can’t imagine they enjoy coming here. I try not to think about what happens before they get to see me because it just makes me want to scream.’
‘It’s not too bad, don’t worry, and I’m sure they think it’s worth it to see you. I did.’ Billie gave him a wink and hoped once again it would hide her feelings because she hadn’t enjoyed one bit being searched by the stony-faced prison officer or sniffed by the drugs-dog. You couldn’t even compare it to the rigmarole at the airport because at least there, you knew you were only a few steps away from your holidays and the checks kept you safe from suicide bombers; whereas here, it was a few steps towards misery.
Billie looked up at the clock and saw they only had thirty-five minutes left. The time had flown by.
Stan spoke next. ‘Do you want a brew or anything? I can’t go to the tea bar but you can.’
‘No, I’m fine. Shit, do you want something? Let me go and get you some snacks and you can eat them while we talk. I feel awful now. You should’ve said.’ Billie could’ve kicked herself. She needed to focus and pack as much into the visit as she could. Not waste it daydreaming and as usual, avoiding the issue.
Stan shook his head. ‘No, I’m fine and anyway I want to spend every second with you so it’ll just waste time.’
Time… there it was again, a reminder that she needed to come clean, get this over with so Stan knew exactly where he stood. Taking a deep breath Billie opened her mouth but Stan was quicker and spoke first.
‘Listen, Bill, there’s something I need to ask you… tell you… well both really. We haven’t got long so I’ll try to be quick.’
Billie felt Stan’s fingers move from beneath hers then wrap around them. Whatever he had to say she had the feeling it wasn’t going to be something uplifting so braced herself, wishing she had a poker face, or a mask, anything that would hide how worried she was.
6
Billie was mildly comforted that Stan didn’t seem to have noticed how his words affected her so maybe she should take up poker after all. She was still holding on tightly to his hand as he continued.
‘Look, I’ve had to be practical and make a few decisions and set things in motion. You might think I’m being hasty with some of them and a bit morbid with others so bear with me.’
‘Okay, go on, but the morbid bit has got me worried. What do you mean by that?’
Stan took a moment before he answered. ‘Well, for a start I made a will–’
‘For God’s sake, Stan, is that necessary… why did you do that?’
‘Like I said for now, my room-mate is okay but that could change at any time. If it does, I could be a target. Look, I’m not going to go into details but shit happens in here. You must’ve heard about it on the news and when you were ayou know what.’ Stan had lowered his voice considerably and Billie knew why so just nodded and listened.
‘Anyway, I thought it wise to make a will so Mum and Darren will be okay. Eddie’s taken over the plumbing side of the business because he’s been general manager for so long and knows the job inside out and Kenny is just carrying on as normal with the self-store facility. Hopefully everything should keep ticking over. At least being in here hasn’t affected trade – not so far anyway – and the mud hasn’t stuck to the lads. I was worried at first that it would, especially as they go into people’s homes. If I lose Dad’s business that will finish me off, I swear.’
‘Surely people aren’t stupid enough to think that. But your arrangements sound sensible and I’m sure everyone at work is behind you and if not, you should sack them.’ Billie was starting to get irritated by fickle gossipers and would have plenty to say to anyone who said a word against Stan. That’s how sure of him she was. Now.
Stan gave a wry laugh. ‘You’d be surprised. When I was arrested I felt like I had a contagious disease and when I was charged I may as well have had the full-blown plague.’
‘Well I suppose you found out who your friends were. Out of interest, who stood by you?’ Billie could feel anger rising in anticipation of Stan’s answer.
‘Just Pete and Todd, really. Pete’s away on the oil rigs most of the time so more or less out of the equation but he believed me and keeps in touch. Todd did too, but he was one of the reasons I left the rugby club as soon as I was charged. I didn’t want him defending me and getting into lumber because you know what a hothead he is. I’d ruined Mum and Darren’s life so I stepped back and left Todd to it because he loves playing for the team. As for everyone else, I got the impression that even those who were prepared to give me the benefit of the doubt were under pressure from their other halves, who wanted nothing to do with me. Like you said, I found out who my friends were and I’ll never forget.’
‘Well I hope I don’t bump into any of them because I’ll give them what for.’
Stan laughed. ‘I wouldn’t bother because I’m in here and that’s all they need to know. The jury found me guilty. End of!’
Silence settled and the truth of Stan’s words had a sobering effect on Billie, throwing cold water on her vehement defence of him. Rallying herself, she tried to steer the conversation away from false friends. ‘So, what are you doing about the house?’
‘It’s up for sale. My solicitor suggested I let it but I just want it gone and the money in the bank. I moved in with Mum after I was arrested and have no intention of stepping foot in mine ever again, for the obvious reasons. But I’m keeping my car for now and I wondered if you wanted to use it? It’s taxed and insured so you may as well get the benefit of it. Save you borrowing your mum’s.’
Billie was taken aback. It was a kind gesture and now her parents had retired and downsized they shared a car, so Stan’s would come in handy and save her feeling beholden to her mum, especially. But would it send out the wrong message to a desperate man? Then again, hadn’t coming here done just that? Billie’s head was all over the place, never mind her heart that had been melting with every minute that passed. Who was she kidding? She was in it for the long haul now so why dither? Stan needed her and Billie was going to be there for him.
