‘Come on then, let’s have a gander.’ Doog’s tone was more serious now and as he caught Stan’s eye, he gave him a smile.
‘Here, and don’t get chocolate on them… look, that’s her. I can’t believe it. I’m a dad.’ Stan brushed his hands over his face, still reeling from the shock.
Doog studied each of them before handing them back, chocolate-free. ‘So what’s the story then? How come she’s just told you now?’
Stan could see that Doog was suspicious. It was just his nature but he wouldn’t have Billie tarnished, so decided to explain, thinking it might also help to go through it all again. ‘Do you really want to hear or would you rather watchOnly Fools and Horses, again?’
‘Nah, can’t be arsed. You look like you could do with some words of wisdom from Uncle Doog so fire away… I’m all ears and, as they say in Asda, happy to help.’ With that he lay back down and folded his arms behind his head and waited.
Stan glanced at the small clock on the side. He needed to ring Billie and his mum too, but he wasn’t allowed out yet and had hours to wait. There was a very good chance he’d go mad in the meantime, but at least now he had Iris to think about, her gorgeous face to focus on which was a good thing really. Because once he’d spoken to his family and asked Billie to bring their daughter in, like she promised in her letter, the next item on the agenda was getting out of there.
The other matter he forced from his mind.Herface, her name, the stain she had left on him and his family. She was not going to ruin today, not like she’d ruined his life. And God help him, no matter how long he waited, one day she would suffer. He would destroy her. That was exactly what she threatened him with, and boy, had he suffered. But when it was her turn, once he was out, he’d make damn sure the evil slag knew the true meaning of the word. One way or another, Kelly would pay.
15
Billie was waiting to see Aiden, the private detective, who was on an important call and had been for the past fifteen minutes; long enough for Karen, his secretary, who had apologised twice for the delay and appeared rather annoyed with her boss, to offer Billie another cup of coffee. She’d accepted, grateful for a double hit of caffeine because she was mentally and physically exhausted.
The strain of the past two days was taking its toll and Billie could really have done without Iris keeping her up all night teething. Poor little thing was really struggling with her achy gums and hot, rosy-red cheeks. She’d finally settled in the early hours of the morning and allowed Billie a couple of hours of blissful unbroken sleep. It hadn’t been anywhere near enough, not to replenish her reserves let alone recharge her battery.
Whoever said confession was good for the soul was deluded because after going over the past, dredging up parts of her life that had caused such anguish, all she was left with, lingering in the background were the faint murmurings of fear. Billie was scared – that she would let Stan down, that she wouldn’t have the strength to support him through years of a prison sentence, or explain to Iris where her daddy was. All of this had swirled inside her head as she paced the floor during a very long night, trying to soothe Iris.
But there was one good thing to come out of it. Stan had forgiven her. He was adamant there was nothingtoforgive, just like Sue and Darren. Billie had cried through most of their phone conversation, an outpouring of everything held in for so long. Thankfully, by the end, Stan had made her smile and somehow, convinced her that the scales were equally balanced, well, almost. He insisted on taking the blame for their break-up.
‘Billie, I get it, I really do and if anyone is to blame it’s me for messing up and causing you to run away. I’ve read your letter over and over and the only bit that’s missing is my part in it all, before and after you left. So can we just move on now?’
Billie hiccupped and then blew her nose, trying hard to get a grip and stem the tears and snorty sobbing noises. ‘Okay, okay… let’s just start again, we have Iris and that’s what matters.’
‘Good, that’s my girl, well my big one anyway and I can’t wait to meet my little one but Doog says I’ll have to be assessed first, and so will you, by social services. How fucking ridiculous is that? They need to make sure I’m not a threat to my own child! It makes me sick.’
Billie’s stomach lurched because she was going to explain what the prison had told her when she rang to enquire about visiting, but he already knew, thanks to his cellmate. ‘I know, it’s ridiculous and I couldn’t believe it at first but I’ve already rang up and started the ball rolling, and I explained that you hadn’t seen Iris yet so fingers crossed everything should be in place by next visiting. Just hang in there, okay?’ Billie was so disappointed and couldn’t hold it in anymore, and set off crying.
‘Hey, stop that, please, Bill, don’t cry…’
‘Sorry, sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think it’s just relief and anger and disappointment all mixed together, that’s all. I just wanted you to see her.’
‘Look, I’m disappointed too, and I’m pissed off that you have to be assessed, you’ve done sod all wrong but we’ll get through it. Now come on, let me hear you smile.’
Billie sniffed. ‘How can you be so brave and sensible while I’m being a complete mard-arse?’
‘You’re not mard at all… and I’m not brave but for the first time in ages I do feel what I can only describe as a bit of happiness, knowing I’ve got a baby daughter, and you on my side. It seems a weird thing to say when I’m stuck in here but this is like a fresh start and I swear, once I’m out I will do whatever it takes to make things right and look after you and Iris. That’s if you want me to.’
Billie could feel Stan’s loaded question radiating down the line, a bright white beam of hope travelling through space, hitting a lonely satellite before pinging back to earth then zapping her phone, bringing his words to her ears. In that moment she knew the answer. She’d known it all along, even on the day she boarded a flight for Greece and then one home again. She did want Stan, more than anything.
‘Of course I do. We both do.’ Billie wiped away more tears and listened. Silence, and she knew Stan was fighting his own battle at the other end of the line.
When he managed to speak, just after a throat-clearing cough, his words made her smile. ‘Right, well that’s a plan then, the three of us against the world. And I’ll be counting sleeps till I see you all again. I’ve missed you so much, Billie.’
‘I’ve missed you too, Stan. Now bugger off before you make me cry again. Ring me tomorrow night if you can.’
‘Will do, Billie…’ There was a pause, then Stan said softly, ‘I love you, Billie.’
Billie smiled. ‘I love you too, now go!’
* * *
When the detective’s receptionist-cum-secretary returned from the office kitchen carrying another cup of coffee for Billie, it broke the spell and forced her back to the here and now. She managed to say thank you and take a sip before the wooden office door swung open and out stepped Aiden. Billie hadn’t given much time to thoughts of what he would look like, but somewhere in the recesses of her mind she had stored the image of a short and portly chap, balding obviously, in his early sixties, wearing a weary expression and a badly-fitting suit to compliment his irritable and shambolic air. The private detective who stood before her, smiling kindly as he offered his hand and apologised for such a delay, was nothing of the kind.
Aiden Walsh was, from Billie’s estimations, six foot four, because she had to look upwards to meet his gaze. His suit, gunmetal grey and well cut, covered a crisp white shirt that was open at the collar, no stuffy tie. Aiden’s handshake was firm. His clean white nails contrasted skin that held the olive tinge of a recent summer holiday. He was handsome, slightly rugged, firm of jaw that hadn’t yet started its journey south, while gentle wrinkles rested under grey eyes which were alert and bag-free. The salt and pepper, well-groomed hair was parted precisely and swept back from his face and was the only thing that suggested his age, perhaps just sneaking into his sixties.
