“Ooo. Promising! You into him?” Anam asks very loudly.
“I don’t know…do you guys think he’s cute?” I twist my shot glass, making patterns with the rings of condensation on the tabletop. Kelly raises her eyebrows at me.
“I heard cryptids have huge monster dongs!” Anam holds her hands out to represent an impossibly long penis. “In the name ofscience, I’ll need you to perform field research, and report your findings for peer review via text message tomorrow morning!”
“I don’t really think he was into me,” I say tentatively, hoping one of them will disagree with me.
“Don’t be ridiculous, of course he was.” Kelly always steps up to the plate. “I only intervened because you looked like a deer caught in headlights. I thought you needed rescuing. If you like him, go over there and talk to him!”
I risk a glance over my shoulder again. The Mothman isn’t looking at me any more, he’s talking to the busty devil, who actually knows what to do with her breasts.
“It looks like he found a better prospect.” I tell my hot friends. They look equally cute and holiday themed. I’m the only nerd who decided to dress in a maxi skirt, long sleeves, and thick-rimmed glasses on what’s supposed to be the sexiest adult holiday.
“Don’t be an idiot,” Anam scoffs. “You are hot shit, and we all know it! You’ve got a giant brain and big tits to match!”
My brain is the problem. I’m always trying to be so fucking clever. All I wanted was for Colin to do a cute couple’s costume with me. He was never into cutesy couple stuff. He only agreed to be my Brendan Fraser because it was easy to do. By myself I’m borderline unrecognizable. Now I’m walking around the bar looking like a lonely dork, and feeling like my life is starting over at twenty-nine.
“It doesn’t matter,” I say. “I don’t think I’m ready for another relationship this soon.”
“Relationship?!” Anam laughs. “No baby girl! We are getting you laid tonight! No strings! No fuss! One night of sex!”
Beside her, Kelly shrugs. Kelly’s been with her boyfriend almost as long as I’d been with Colin. Anam is our perpetually single friend. The one who feels actual joy when meeting new people. She loves that stuff, a new guy every weekend, hiprestaurants, trendy bars, loud music, the kinds of things that make me exhausted just thinking about them.
I squirm a little. “It’s only been a week.”
“The best way to get over someone is to get under someone new!” Anam puts her hand over her heart like she is making a vow.
Kelly giggles. “Anam’s right. Doesn’t a one-night stand sound like it would hit the spot?”
“A bit of strange, after three years of the same bland thing?” Anam sticks her tongue out suggestively. “A new dick, or pussy, or whatever the Mothman is packing down there.”
“I don’t know, I’ve never done it before.”
“What? A Mothman?” Anam blurts.
“A one-night stand,” I mutter.
Anam gasps, clutching her chest in mock horror.
“Seriously?” Kelly’s surprise sounds genuine.
I stare at the table, feeling a little embarrassed. “It never seemed like something I would enjoy. I didn’t look for the opportunity.”
“Girl. This is the perfect chance!” Anam wraps her hands around my shoulders to shake me gently.
“I don’t know…Colin hasn’t even moved out completely.”
His boxes are still in our spare bedroom. MY spare bedroom. The bedroom that, two months ago, on move-in day, Colin held my hand and said, ‘maybe this could be a baby’s room some day’.
Now, he’s got a new job, he’s moved across the country, and he doesn’t even want to give long distance a try.
Crap, I gotta stop thinking about the guy who dumped me for a job.
“Screw him! He is an ass!” Anam announces. “You can do much better! You are smart and fun and sexy, and did I already mention smart? You aresosmart! And you run your own business, and any guy would be lucky to snap you up! And youare so pretty and sexy and smart!” Anam tugs me into a hug, pulling me tight against her body, putting a little too much of her weight on me as she almost loses her footing.
The arrangement of empty glasses on our table imply she’s taken more than her fair share of the shots. Which is fine. I’m too sad to drink tonight. Some sadness is complemented by alcohol, but tonight feels like it will end better if I go home sober.
Sober, and alone, to my big empty apartment.
