“You’re so exhausting.”
Cash yawns theatrically. “I try.”
There’s a pause, filled only by Nugget’s nails skittering across the concrete and the faint, tortured squeak of the tennis ball in his jaws as he sprawls out on the ground to chew it.
“I’m just saying,” Cash adds, not even bothering to look at me. “If you don’t kiss her soon, I might do it. You know—for science. To see cause and reaction.”
I turn slowly. “You kiss her, and I’ll bury your body in the backyard.”
Cash put his hands up slowly. “Whoa. Okay,Mister Jealousy—didn’t know our roomie was off-limits.”
“She’s not off-limits,” I grind out, raking a hand through my hair. “She’s just not yours to fuck around with because you’re home and you’re bored.”
He raises both hands. “Noted. No kissing the new roommate. Man, this is just like freshman year. My roommate wouldn’t let me fuck with his sister because he didn’t trust me or whatever, except this time, you’re the one with feelings.”
Poppy is not like our sister.
And I am not in charge of her.
“I don’t have feelings.”
Cash whistles, low. “When I left at the beginning of the week, there was nothing in the dining room. Now the entire Doom village the size of Rhode Island is spread out in the dining room. We both know you build that shit when you’re stressed out and this isn’t stress—it’s a slow descent into madness.”
I have no response to that because he’s right.
My roommate grins. “All I’m saying is, maybe she’s waiting for you to make a move.”
“She’s not.”
“She was totally eyeing you up this morning. I saw her. She looked like a girl on the verge of lifting your shirt and licking pancake syrup off your stomach.”
I gawk at him.
Where does he come up with this bullshit?
“She didn’t want to lick anything,” I say. “She was eating bacon.”
“Exactly. And eye fucking you like the next best breakfast option.”
I groan and pivot toward the yard again, eyes on Nugget, who is now lying on his back, feet in the air, tongue flopped out, enjoying the sunshine the same way I should be.
“Listen, man. I’m not saying go full caveman and drag her off to your room by her braids?—”
“Fucking A, Cash!”
“—I’m just saying, you might want to start thinking about what happens if she meets a guy and she wants to bring him home and you have to hear them fucking in the room next to yours.” He stands from the deck chair and stretches. “Just sayin’. You should start thinking about shit like that. Don’t be a prude—ain’t nothing wrong with fucking your roommate.”
I rub my temples because he’s giving me a headache. “Do you have an off switch?”
Cash grins like I’ve complimented him. “Nope. But I make a lot of sense.” He shrugs, heading toward the door. “I’m just giving you the hard facts before you find yourself folding laundry while some finance bro in boat shoes plows our roommate through the drywall.”
“That’s not her type.” I’m confident of that. And furthermore, are there finance bros in Texas?
“His name will be Chad,” Cash throws over his shoulder. “He’ll ask if we recycle and if we want to invest in his Crypto.”
I flip him off as he steps back inside, but I know he’s not wrong.
Not about Chad. Not about boat shoes. Not about the fucking Crypto.
