Ben shared that his boss shouted at him for small infractions again. Ramon said something he thought was vaguely inspirational, and Edgar said he was proud of himself for onlyalmostpunching someone this week. For Edgar, that counted as growth.
Colt said nothing. Not a word.
When it came to be his turn, I tried. Gently at first.
“Colt, is there anything you want to share with us?”
His eyes met mine. “No.”
One word. No inflection, no explanation at all.
A verbal full stop, issued as a command.
“Nothing at all?” I asked.
“Not in front of them.”
Colt’s palms flattened on his thighs.
It’d be easy for me to spend ages dissecting his comment.
Ben snorted and rolled his eyes. “Strong silent type, eh?”
So, we moved on.
I did my best to remain composed as I internally guessed what he might do. But Colt didn’t argue or interrupt. He sat, completely still, and observed prey patterns instead of participating in group session.
Every time I glanced at him, he was already glaring at me. But I couldn’t read hostility or curiosity. I wondered if he was directing all his rage toward me as the group leader. Maybe he blamed me for his necessary time here, for every violent act he’d committed.
I’d learned during my years as a therapist that the mind can tell itself all kinds of lies to protect ego.
Colt’s ego.
I managed to end the session on time and sent all the participants out with the usual goodbyes and platitudes.
Good effort, keep working, and you’re all on your own journeys.
Colt remained seated until everyone else had left the room.
Then he stood. Slowly.
Didn’t say goodbye, didn’t acknowledge me.
But as he passed, close enough for me to smell aftershave and something faintly metallic, he said quietly:
“You watched the video.”
It wasn’t phrased as a question.
My throat closed shut and my heart forgot its function. Before I could answer… before I could breathe…
Colt walked out.
I sat down in his vacated chair. Slumped into it.
Then I pulled my phone from my pocket, opened the app, and watched the entire clip again.
Because apparently, I hated myself.
