Her ex-boyfriend, her career, her personal trainer who she knew wanted to fuck her.
“So,” she said, her tone chipper and upbeat, “what do you do for fun? You know, now that you’re not smashing guys into boards.”
I shrugged. “I lift. I practice. I eat too much. I sleep in.”
She blinked once and gave another laugh that sounded rehearsed.
“Wow,” she said, nearly gushing, “so interesting.”
I took a sip of my drink, which tasted of processed sugar and regret.
“I guess so,” I answered, clipped.
The truth was, I’d lost my ability to be charming. Before, I’d flash a smile, and girls would lean in closer.
Easy.
But tonight, for whatever reason, I couldn’t summon a single ounce of effort for Lindsey.
I nodded along and gave an occasional smirk, which was all she needed to continue talking. She covered her job in marketing, an influencer trip to Napa Valley, an exclusive celebrity party she’d been invited to next weekend.
As she talked, my thumb rubbed a grip that wasn’t there. The table edge became a stick in my mind. My palm was desperate to feel the weight of it again.
But my mind drifted and I thought about how Blair had looked in that parking lot.
Small. Cornered.
How his face had changed when he pretended to keep his cool. How his voice had cracked when Travis got right in his face.
Fuck.
I wasn’t proud of how good it felt.
Wasn’t sorry either.
I shifted in my seat and glanced around the bar, trying my best to tune Lindsey out. Couples on romantic dates leaned close over candlelight, and a guy at the next table ran his thumb across his date’s wrist. She shivered and leaned in closer to him.
The air was humid, thick with perfume and cologne. Soft music rose and fell, a tide that made me feel heady. Dizzy.
Lindsey’s fingertips brushed against the back of my hand. “You’re somewhere else, aren’t you?”
I blinked and stared at her for a second.
She had great skin, great fingers. Red nails. A stunning smile. But not Blair’s fingers. Not how he held his pen, a blade always ready to protect himself. Not how his voice remained calm when his entire body vibrated with pressure beneath the surface.
“Long day,” I muttered. “I’m tired.”
She leaned in and her voice took on a playful tone. “We could skip dessert. Or have it at my place if that sounds better to you.”
There was a time when I’d have said yes without a second thought—hell, without thinking about it at all.
Lindsey had offered herself up on a platter. I should have been grateful, eager… turned on.
But all I could picture was Blair, crouched beside his Prius as his breath came quick and ragged. Pretending he wasn’t shaking.
I told myself to brush him off and forced my thoughts back to Lindsey. Her bed, how good her sheets would smell. Her soft body splayed out before me, eyes eager.
I closed my eyes and pictured Blair’s lips. How they parted when I got too close and crowded him. The flush in his cheeks when I stood within inches of his face.
