I open my mouth to agree, but Stone has already turned away to tackle something else that requires his special brand of attention I’m sure. At least sitting down and getting Stone’s assistance has shrunk the dragons in my gut to grasshoppers. I’m still jumpy and nervous, but a hell of a lot closer to calm than I was.
Conversation with Cassie happens in a staccato sort of cadence in between her filling drink orders. The curls in her hair bounce along with her. She’s like the bubbles in Champagne. Going to school for business with an emphasis on human resources. She’s doing her classes online so she can save money while she works at the resort. Stone gave her the use of a studio apartment for as long as she’s an employee. A twenty-two year old has their shit more together than I do. Certainly more than I did at that age. But I’m working on it.
“It’s time.” Stone’s back, at my back probably blocking the view of me. “Why don’t you freshen up in the ladies room and then I’ll escort you to the entrance of the stage.”
I slip off the stool and quickly cross distance to the powder room. It’s an elegant space with a seating area and full length mirrors, behind that first wall are the sinks, and, through another opening, the stalls. I don’t have to go, probably slightly dehydrated from being at altitude in this dry climate. I wash my hands. My hair has grown back, but I’ve kept it short on the sides and back, a little longer on top. I fuss with a couple tendrils. My makeup still looks flawless which works out since I chose not to bring a bag. Nothing to leave behind but my dignity.
A sharp knock on the door. I open it and find Stone as I expected. “Ready?”
“As I’ll ever be.” I follow behind him, down the elevator, into the dungeon. There’s a low EDM track playing, people have moved to this room while I was hiding out in the bathroom. And now I need to pee. It’s just nerves. I will the false urge away with a couple of slow deep breaths.
Tyler takes the stage to welcome everyone to the Yacht Club and specifically the dungeon. People are still filing in, not quite as many as there were above but enough to fill the booths and padded chairs that were setup for the demonstrations. When I imagined doing this there were less people. Tyler announces Alex. My first glimpse leaves me breathless. He’s shirtless, in black leather pants. Not his jeans. His feet are bare and his blond hair has been recently cut. Good. God. Damn. The man is fine.
And he hates me.
“…will be joined by his parter for this demo.” Tyler glances over to the opposite side of the stage where I’ve been waiting behind Stone. I step forward. Tyler stutters. “SJ.”
Alex’s head whips in my direction. I kick off my flats and climb the two stairs barefoot. I’ve got my skirt undone by the time I make it to the center of the platform. I slide it down my legs and toss it on a padded bench a few feet back. Facing Alex, I slowly unlace my top. I pitch my voice so the crowd can hear me. “Alex is the most talented Shibari master you’ll ever have the privilege to see. He’s a good an honorable man who works hard every day. He cares for his friends, and he cares for the women he scenes with. At one time, he cared for me. But I messed that up.”
I pull the bustier free and clutch it nervously in my hands.
He hasn’t moved. Hasn’t said a word.
“I came here tonight to apologize to him and to anyone who saw the spectacle I made of myself at the soft opening.” I glance at the crowd. Amy has her hand over her mouth. Katherine is nodding in approval. “I desperately hope that what I did wasn’t unforgivable and that Alex will give me a chance to scene with him again.” I drop to my knees, press my forearms together and hold them up to him with my head bowed. “To be his little rabbit again. Because I love him.”
Silence fills the space. The crowd waits along with me for Alex to respond. The rope drops from his hand to coil on the floor, lifeless. His steps are silent as he walks away and my heart splits in two again.
“I can’t do this,” he says to Stone.
I drop my hands and curl into a ball. I fucked this up. I had no right to ask for his forgiveness especially in public. It seemed like the perfect apology in my head, until it played out. And I can see with complete clarity why he would walk away. Once again I wish I could take it all back.
Stone comes on stage. Grabs me and my skirt. As soon as I’m clear of the platform, he helps me put my top on. Tyler is back at the microphone announcing the next demonstration will start shortly, and talking about a special members only event coming up. I can’t follow the words. All I hear, pounding between my ears, is Alex saying he can’t do this.
“Come on.” Stone leads me out the back, up the barren stairway painted completely white. We exit from a door behind the kitchen which is still humming with activity and producing scents that only make my stomach churn harder. He walks over to a golf cart and I balk.
“I can get a ride share to the airport.”
“I thought you said you love him?” Stone glares at me, peeling away my layers.
“I do. More than he’ll ever know.”
“If you leave now, that’s true. Thought you were more of a fighter than that. You came here tonight dressed for the battle of your life and you’re giving up after one skirmish?”
I hate Stone a little in this moment because he’s right. “Alex said he can’t do this.”
“He’s lying to himself too. Been moping around the Sunflower, staring at the door to the room where you stayed every time he walks by. Hasn’t done a scene at all since your uncle blew up the soft opening. Dick move by the way.”
“He’s known for ‘em.”
“So he wins. He uses you like a dish rag and tosses you away. Sets Alex up to be railroaded. And you two are letting him make you both miserable. You lied about who you are and what the hell you were doing out here.” He points at me and it’s as if he stabbed me in place. “But you had the right reasons, or thought you did.”
“I nod. I thought he hurt my cousin who was once my best friend and is some of the only family I have left. And he has those pictures.”
“He uses those, and our lawyers will be up his ass so fast he’ll think he’s getting a drag race colonoscopy.”
I snort laugh. Who knew Stone could be funny. He pats the open space on the bench seat. I walk around the nose of the little cart decked out like a yacht, complete with faux walnut on the dash, and a ships wheel for a steering wheel. Kind of cheesy, but I like that they’re having some fun with this fancy-pants place.
“Where are we going?” I finally think to ask as we navigate the wide curved sidewalks.
