“As much as a teen girl could I suppose. We were like chess pieces on a board. Meant to be together, football king and perky cheerleader. We might have married. Had some kids and our own kind of solid, steady life. Easy. Like a thousand other stories.”
Does she have any idea how spectacular that kind of life sounds to me? A little house on some land, a man I love, and kids who are happy. Does she have any idea that despite it being a thousand stories—an ordinary miracle—it’s still a miracle when it happens? “You were always meant for more. Always shined a little to bright for that town.”
She nods like I see her. And I do. But I’m not sure she sees anyone else.
“I love my life here. I love what I’ve become and how I’ve found my place in such a rare community. People here wouldn’t understand what I was doing with Alex. I’m not even sure I do.” She laughs, but it sounds like the laugh in a play, rehearsed and only for effect.
I check my watch. “I have dinner with a client tonight, so I have to get checked into my hotel.”
“Oh no. I was hoping you could stay for dinner and meet Charles and the kids.” It’s a sweet lie. But now that I’ve confessed my connection with Alex, I’m part of her past she’s still trying to erase. I can’t blame her. I’d gladly take my own eraser to my past if that was possible.
“I would love to meet them if I can before I go. I’m sorry this is such a rushed trip, but I’m glad I got to see you. One thing before I go. Your dad is still going after Alex, but there is a lawyer trying to help him. I told him my story. If you want to help, for old times sake, put a wrong to right, I’ll leave you his card.” I had her the tiny rectangle that could change Alex’s world. “I’m really happy for you and the life you’ve created. A life that fits you.”
She walks me out still clinging to the card. There’s still a shred of hope in me that my cousin will do the right thing. She’s a good person, even if she is caught in the trappings of a life I don’t understand or even want to.
Back at the hotel I stare at my laptop, reread the words I’ve written in my book and try to come up with a happily ever after. It’s a required ending, but I’m having trouble imagining one. I close the lid and pull out my bundled rope to practice my self ties. The bundle Alex gave me for practice before he hated me. The ropes pressing into my skin is the only way I can feel connected to him, the only way I feel grounded and like I might have a future.
I spend the next day checking out a plantation and walking on the beach. No point in coming all the way out here and not seeing some stuff. The plantation is off-putting. A history of a culture I struggle to relate to and the enthroned ruins of a past that has never been healed. The beach speaks to me. The waves wash on the shore like a heartbeat not like they crashed against the land in California, the one time I saw it. This ocean is soft in its strength, no need to scream it. I hope my cousin will find her inner strength and help Alex. I hope I’m able to find mine and figure out how to live without him. Someday.
Twenty
ALEX
My phone rings and I answer without looking, one hand still holding the screwdriver I need to put on the light switch cover. Detail work, but someone has to do it.
“Alex. Zach Litchfield. Good news.”
What’s a lawyer’s definition of good news? He sent me a bill? “Hey, Zach.”
“All past charges in Texas have been dropped. Can’t be brought again.”
The screwdriver slips from my fingers and lands on the bedroom carpet. The switch plate hangs in place, held on by nothing. Like me in this moment. There’s a small lip of reality that my mind is clinging to because I can’t have heard him right. “How? Why?”
“Besides the statute of limitations expiring, there was the notarized statement from Sarah Jane. And it seems Alyss Littlejohn Hayward sent a letter directly to the judge explaining her side of the tale.”
I drop to my ass, my legs no longer working. “Alyss? Sent a letter?” She left town shortly after I did. Didn’t stay to finish high school in town. “Why would she do that?”
“I have a copy of the letter if you want to read it, but it mentions her cousin came for a visit and her father’s current actions against you couldn’t remain unchecked.”
SJ went to Alyss. And now I’m free. No sword hanging over my head. Doesn’t change anything and yet, it changes everything. “I can see my family?”
“You can do whatever you want.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. My assistant will mail you a final statement at the end of the month. And if you see SJ, let her know the pictures won’t be a problem in the future.”
I mouth some kind of answer and the call is over and my life is my own for the first time. First, I finish fixing the plate to the wall. After that, I call the airlines. Gabe is in the condo next door on the second floor, doing the same detailing I was. Well, he’s actually checking the bathroom plumbing for leaks. He pops out from under the sink when I call his name.
“What’s up.”
“I have to go.”
“Grabbing lunch?”
I check my watch. It is that time, but I’m too antsy to eat. “No a flight back home. Gotta pack. Be back in a week.”
He stands up with a hop to get his prosthetic leg under him, wipes his hands on his jeans. “Everything okay?”
