“You were seeing Tyler before all this happened?”
“Not exactly. It took me a few months to figure out what the Brambilla family was up to and how they were laundering their money.” I twist the wineglass in my hand. Even thinking about the Brambillas makes me edgy. “I had to be super careful to hide my investigation. I went to the club to relieve my anxiety. There’s something that happens when I…I get what I need. I can completely sink into the experience and let everything else go.”
“Like meditating?”
“Probably? I’ve never meditated.”
“Tyler was giving you what you need?” Katherine’s voice is accepting, approving even.
“Yes, but we never…uh…we never had sex.”
“Huh?”
“I couldn’t. Well, at least not for a long time. It took me a while to trust him at all even though I was attracted to him the moment I saw him. I went to the club for months before we had any…interaction.” My cheeks heat.
“But you have now. You’ve had sex with him.” Her soft voice coaxes the truth from me.
I nod and stare into my half-empty glass.
“Was it worth waiting for?”
It was, but I can’t admit that out loud. It will make losing him hurt even more. “It was an old dream. Our lives are very different now. I live here. He lives in St. Louis. Everything about us is fake.”
Katherine smiles. “Gabe and I faked being married before we ever really got together.”
“What?”
“You remember. The lodgers we weren’t supposed to have?”
I do. “But it’s different. You chose to leave your old life because you found the man of your dreams.”
“You didn’t have to actually marry Tyler when you went into the program. Especially since you already had a relationship of sorts. You could have requested a different agent be assigned to your case. Legitimately so. But you didn’t.”
“True.” I put my glass on the table. The wine and pizza churn in my gut with the honesty Katherine pushes. “A part of me was terrified of being truly alone. Even though we never had actual sex, I trusted him. And all this time out here has been easier to deal with, knowing he was tied to me. Knowing he would come to visit or I could call him. Being married was like a safety cocoon wrapped around me. I didn’t have to date or deal with men at all.”
“Enzo really messed you up.”
He had. And I kept Tyler at an emotional distance while using him. “But then I watched you and Gabe find love…” I twist my wedding ring out of habit. “But I’m so tired of being alone. I wanted Tyler to come to my rescue. I’m pretty sure that’s why I broke the rule about having nothing to do with finances or taxes or bookkeeping.”
“Taking the treasurer role with ABBA.”
“The closer you got to your wedding date, the more alone I felt.” I wrap my arms around my roiling gut. I can’t believe I’m confessing all of this. But I’m losing Tyler. Katherine is my friend. I have to be honest with someone. “It’s like I knew that breaking the rules would make him come out here. I totally manipulated him and jacked everything up.” I drop my gaze to the soft leather couch. I can’t face her.
Katherine scoffs. “You can’t take responsibility for someone else’s sins. You didn’t attack Blake. You didn’t make Betty disappear. And you didn’t ask Tyler to quit his job. He could have notified you, sent divorce paperwork, and walked away. Those were choices other people made.” She puts her hand on my knee. The warmth seeps into my jeans, working its way deeper. “Seems like you have a choice to make too. Are you going to let Tyler return to St. Louis without you? Or are you going to ask to go with him? Or, even better, ask him to stay?”
My heart aches. I do have a choice to make.
Katherine picks up our glasses and the bottle. “I’ll leave you to think about it.”
As soon as she closes her bedroom door, I drag myself up the two flights of stairs as quietly as I can, and each step leads me to a firm decision. There is only one real choice because I love him. For better or worse, until I die. The moment I admit it, my doubts whisk away. I’ve loved him for a long time and never let myself acknowledge it. I won’t bury my feelings any longer. If Tyler still wants me, I’ll be with him no matter where we live. I’m keeping my husband.
TWENTY-THREE
Tyler
Rain is pouring down.I keep my eyes on the road despite the urge to check if it’s really Stone sitting next to me.
“You want to open a club?” I did not have Stone deciding to open a new BDSM club on my bingo card. To be fair, I didn’t have Blake being run off the road and nearly killed either.
