Iwas officially the crappiest dad ever.
My heart sank. I couldn’t do this, be that guy, even for Sebastian.
“I have to go,” I said.
Chapter Eighteen
Bast
I wantedto laugh at the shocked expression on Stone’s face. And cry. And then I panicked.
“Wait. Don’t go.”
You find exactly what you’re looking for, but you can’t have it.
This is how dreams die.
“I said you’d be mad. Don’t run away.”
“I’m not mad,” Stone said with exaggerated patience.
“But you think I’m weird, right?” And it was weird. “Like a guy who rubs his dick on people in crowds. They’re not there for that. It’s not consensual. That’s why I had to tell you now. I didn’t want you to figure it out—”
“The hard way?” Stone said dryly. “It’s a little too late for that.”
“At least you know now.”
“Sebastian, it’s fine. I want to be here for you as long as you need me. I care about you. I—liked what we did earlier. But I can’t simply fall into some Daddy mold because you want that.”
“You make it sound like you’d have to be something you’re not.” I wanted to kick the table leg. “You’ve proved time and again that what I want is who you are. I wouldn’t call youDaddy, but I know I can lean on you. I believe you’ll take care of me if I’m hurt or in danger. Itrustyou to tell me when I’m about to do something stupid. I respect you, and I think you respect me.”
“You want a father figure for a boyfriend.”
“It’s true I want a slightly lopsided relationship. I have to feel completely safe with any person I would trust with my heart.”
“I’m sorry, Sebastian.” Stone’s expression filled with heartache. “You’ve got the wrong guy.”
“No. Why? Is it me? Have I grossed you out? Are you still in love with your wife? I would totally get that, by the way. I’d understand if it’s because you’re straight. But I thought maybe, after tonight—”
“Enough. I need sleep.” He emptied his tea into the sink and rinsed the cup. “I’m sorry, Sebastian.”
“Stone, it’s okay, honestly. If you can’t feel that way about me, it’s fine. From now on, I’ll ask Molly to help me with food and bathing. You and I can still be friends, can’t we?”
“Of course,” he replied woodenly.
Then he turned the scarred side of his face toward me and allowed his twisted grin—the sinister, sly half smile I’d noticed the first time I saw him—to define his expression.
My stomach dropped away.
“Morrigan.” He tapped his leg, and she followed him without looking back. A second later, the office door closed with a terminalsnick, and I was alone. I sipped my tea and tried to see how things had gone so spectacularly off course.
You’ve got the wrong guy.
The words were an echo, reverberating over and over inside me. I couldn’t see their meaning clearly because obviously I had exactly the right guy.
I’d given him several outs, if he wanted them, and he hadn’t chosen any.
Stone could have said,I’m straight, orI still love my wife, or evenI don’t want to be any man’s Daddy. He could have indicated I wasn’t right for him because I’m too young or too much trouble—anything would have blown my hopes to smithereens.
