I leaned back and the swing moved. It was less like being pushed and more like the momentum taking us as our weight shifted.
He asked me what I wanted.
WhatdoI want?
It wasn’t an idle question for him. It wasn’t a worn game of let’s-make-believe between two people who have no faith.
It was a serious question and it deserved a serious answer.
What I wanted was Rock. Only Rock.
I wanted to make him proud. I wanted him so happy, and healthy, and sure of himself, that from the first moment of the day when he set his foot on the floor of our bedroom, to the last thing at night when he pulled it back under the covers, I wanted him free of doubt. Free of fear.
I wanted him free—free to just be Rock..
I wanted to stand his ground. Fight his enemies. Win his heart again and again and again.
“I have everything I want.”
Rock gave the swing a shove. He shot me a wild, happy grin and broke into song. This was an everyday occurrence.
The lyrics of the song were all the explanation he needed to give.
I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He’s watching me.
Amen... Oh Christ. Amen to that.
“I love you, Skyler Brody.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m your man, Rockne Montana McLean.”
I didn’t spoil it by asking if he wanted my ass or my mouth. Turned out he had this super subtle way of letting me know.
“You going to just sit there or what?” He pressed kisses all over my face and on my lips and…Wow.
Just wow. That was the kiss of a lifetime. Tender and searching. Sweet. Scorching. This was the kiss ofeverylifetime.
“Hey.” I brushed a kiss over his knuckles. “You ever thought about becoming a preacher like your dad?”
He laughed at that. Deeply. Then flicked my arm like there was a mosquito on it but I knew he really meant to flick me for being a dumbass. “Hardly. I don’t believe in God anymore.”
“I don’t suppose it matters, as long as He believes in you.”
If there was a god, He’d never stop loving Rock, even if Rock didn’t believe anymore. No one who saw Rock’s heart could fail to love him.
“Never gonna happen.” Rock laughed at the idea. “My dad would open a vein.”
“All the same.” I had a nebulous plan and I needed Rock to make it happen. “Would you come out to the meadow with me on Sunday, if the weather’s okay?”
Maybe he knew about cowboy church, but he probably didn’t remember. It stood to reason, if they stopped celebrating things as a family when Mrs. Chandler left.
Maybe Rock needed something like that, though. Maybe he needed an open meadow and some warm, golden sunshine. Maybe he needed a chance to find out what he believed in, instead of being confronted by all the things he rejected.
“How come?” he asked.
I sighed when I laid my head on his shoulder. “There’s this poem I’d like to tell you...”
