She doesn’t even see me as a man. I would say that brought to my knees, but you know. My fist pounds on the chair. Fuck this stupid piece of metal. Fuck me. Watching her be in love with my brothers and seeing her respond to them, it is fucking torture. It took time for me to see past my fears, but lately all I see is her. And she doesn’t see me...at all.
I’m staring down into my glass when I sense someone in the room. Looking up, my eyes meet Shaw’s. It would be him. Quiet fucking bastard. Toasting him with my glass, I turn back to staring outside.
“What’s wrong?”
“I asked Kate to kiss me.” I grimace. “She was shocked. Hadn’t even thought of me in that way, or so she says. A colleague and a friend.” Giving a harsh laugh, I take another drink.
“What the fuck?” His voice is hard as he questions my sanity.
“Nothing happened. Although not for lack of want on my part.” I take a sip of the bourbon and feel its burn. “How the hell am I going to get her to see me as a man? I’m half a man right now. This fucking wheelchair. I’m not the man I used to be, and I don’t know how to be the man I am right now.” My voice drops as I confess my fears. What the hell am I even thinking? What do I have to offer her?
“OK, let’s slow down for a second. Why do you want Kate to kiss you? I thought you were fine with just being her friend. What changed?”
“She’s incredible. I watch her when she’s here with you, Lev and Lowell. Being around her all the time, I can’t help noticing all these little things about her. The movies she likes, her favorite foods, the smell of her hair, the frown she gets when she’s thinking about a patient, her excitement over horseback riding...I could go on and on. Is this what you see?” Need pounds in me. Need for her attention. Her love.
Growling, Shaw rubs his face with his hands. “You never do things the easy way, do you? You’re falling for her, and she isn’t even aware of you. I guess we did a great job in getting her to see you as a doctor and a friend. Seeing you as a man, though? I think you are going to have to handle this one on your own. But if she shows any inclination to be with you, then you must sit down and talk to us about it. Full transparency. She’s ours. She can also be yours, if SHE wants it. Until then, you need to tread lightly.”
“I don’t know how to get her to see me as a man. If I wasn’t in this fucking wheelchair, I’d wine and dine her. But I’m not the old me. I’m...whatever the fuck this is. And with her past, why would she want a man in a wheelchair again? I’m so fucking delusional.” My hands grip the glass, tempted to throw it against the wall.
Shaw reaches out and takes the glass from me. “You still underestimate her. Don’t. If you want her to see you as a man, act like one. A wheelchair isn’t going to make a damn bit of difference.” With a hard stare, he sets the glass on the table and walks out of the room.
Could he be right? Should I just ask her on a date? I asked her for a kiss, and she said no. I don’t want to fuck this up. She’s too important.
CHAPTER 42
KATE
Things have been strained between me and Thayer the last three weeks. Ever since he asked me for a kiss, it’s all I could think about doing. One part of me wonders wonder what his kisses would be like. They all kiss so differently. Lowell’s are either cool and restrained or wild and deep. Lev’s kisses reflect his passionate personality but change often to suit his mood. Shaw’s kisses are demanding and fiery, as if he needs to quench his thirst for me. It’s hard to tell how Thayer would kiss, since he runs both hot and cold with me.
Entering the office, I see Thayer trying to stand. “What the hell?!” I shout.
He wobbles, and I step up to catch him. He holds on to me tightly. So tightly, I can feel every inch of him flush against me. His mouth twists as he tells me, “Rehab went well this morning. I stood on my own. I thought I’d try it again.”
“Were you wearing a support belt this morning?” I give him a hard stare to let him know I’m not stupid.
“Yes. I didn’t think it helped that much. I was wrong.” His eyes are twinkling as they look down at me.
