My panic becomes full-blown when I see Collin sitting before me. Terror rises, the image blurs, and my head shakes from side to side in denial.
“He’s dead. He’s dead.”
Yet all I can see is Collin’s face. Tremors start running all over my body as I scramble behind Lev. When he tries to pull around to face me, I grip his shirt and lock him into place. I need him to stay between me and Collin.
Lev yells for Shaw, who comes running into the kitchen. While he doesn’t understand the reason, he quickly grasps my terror. My eyes track him as he comes over and picks me up. The whirring sounds again, and I whimper.
Men are yelling as he takes me from the kitchen to his room. Sitting in a leather chair, he holds me close in his lap. My brain is swirling as I try to understand what just happened.
Collin is dead. He can’t be here in Montana. Was that Collin?
My breathing is erratic as I try to force a clear image of the man in the kitchen. I can’t get a deep breath. I realize I’m starting to hyperventilate. My hands grip Shaw’s shirt to get his attention.
“Easy, Angel. Breathe with me. In and hold. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. And let it out. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. That’s it. Again.” Shaw studies my face as he carefully counts breaths with me. His hand smooths over my hair and down my shoulders to calm me further.
After a couple minutes, my breathing subsides back to normal. My thoughts return to the situation. “Thanks. I...who is that man in the wheelchair?”
“That was Thayer.” Reaching over to the side table, he plucks up a frame with all four guys in it and hands it to me.
The man in the photo bears a strong resemblance to Collin. In this picture, his hair is cut short, not the tousled length I saw in the kitchen. While their faces have a similar shape, the man in this picture has a strong jawline and cleft chin, while Collin’s was rounder and fuller. The light blue eyes, though. They were almost identical in color. They pierce through me like ice, making me bleed.
I reluctantly hand the picture back to Shaw. “He looks like my husband, Collin.”
Shaw tenses as he takes the frame. “How much like him?”
“The same tousled blond hair, and the exact color blue of his eyes. Thayer’s face is shaped differently, more square than Collin’s, but he could definitely be his brother.” I pull up the photo of Collin from the beach on my phone and hand it to Shaw. He inhales sharply as he stares down at it. “Plus, you add in the wheelchair, and it’s as if Collin came back from the dead. I couldn’t see Thayer. I could only see Collin in his wheelchair. He was paraplegic after getting shot.” I flinch at the memory. “My mind keeps telling me he’s dead, but my eyes feel like it’s a lie when I look at Thayer.”
“Angel-.” His phone buzzes. Reading the messages, he sends back a quick reply. His hands wrap around my head. His eyes are reassuring pools of chocolate. “That’s definitely NOT Collin down there. Do you hear me? I promise you, it’s Thayer. I’ve known him for years. He’s my friend, and my brother.” He looks at me steadily as I take in his words. “Do you mind texting me that photo of Collin? I’d like to share it with everyone. It’ll help explain what’s going on.” He hands it back to me so I can text the photo.
After Shaw shares the photo and explanation, several pings come back. Lowering the phone, he shares the messages with me. Lev and Lowell have a couple ideas that could help the immediate situation.
“Thayer actually wears his hair more like the photo in the frame over there, not this tousled mess. He hasn’t had a chance to get it cut, but knowing his OCD behavior, I’m sure he’s already got an appointment scheduled for next week. In the meantime, what if we put a hat on him? And ask him to sit on the couch in the living room instead of in the wheelchair? Would you try to meet him again?”
My voice is silently screamingNO!as I sit there and stare at him for a few minutes. I know how much this means to our relationship. All of ours. But to go down there willingly and stare into Collin’s eyes again? I don’t know if I can do it. Just yesterday I was patting myself on the back for my strength, and yet today I feel my strength crumbling to dust. Looking down at my hands, I squeeze them together as I try to answer him.
“I’ll try. I’m sorry, but that’s all I can do.”
“That’s all we’re asking for, Angel. I’ll be right there with you, holding your hand the whole time. I swear.”
He stands up and lets my feet drop down. Sweeping his hand over my face, he pulls my head into his shoulder and gives me a crushing hug. I don’t know if he’s trying to lend me his strength or if he knows how much I just need to be held. Regardless, it helps. I squeeze him back and step out of his arms. Taking his hand, I follow him to the living room.
Stepping into the room, my eyes travel first to Lev and Lowell. Lev’s hands are clenched, and his eyes dark green with worry. Tightness around Lowell’s eyes and mouth are the only indication of the current underneath. Having stalled long enough, my eyes slide to the man sitting on the couch.
I hold my breath to stave off the panic as I search out every minute difference so I can catalog them. Having his hair up in the hat helps remove the immediate visual impression of Collin. Thayer has a strong, square jaw and cleft chin. He’s broader in the shoulders. His hands are blunt, not long and fine like Collin’s. With him sitting down, I can’t tell how tall he is, but he looks a bit taller than Collin’s 5’11”. The more I look, the more I can almost see Thayer instead of Collin. Until I look into his cold, sky blue eyes.
Collin...Shaking my head, I correct myself.Thayer. That’s Thayer Bradford. Dr. Thayer Bradford.
It’s hard to get past the eyes. Collin’s eyes were sparkling, blue bursts of light before the shooting, but afterward they resembled the same coldness reflected back to me right now.
Thayer frowns as I stare at him, without saying anything. His eyes travel over my face, trying to assess my mood, before traveling to the side where my hand tightly grips Shaw’s. As his eyes meet Shaw’s, I exhale for the first time since I entered the room. Without his eyes locked on mine, I sweep over the rest of his features and body, finding little resemblance to Collin. I sigh in relief.
My sigh brings all eyes back to me, including Thayer’s. My mind is reconciling the fact that this is Thayer. But I can’t meet his eyes without feeling the need to flinch, or scream, or run. I might be able to hold a conversation if I stare at his chin.
My voice is tight and raspy as I greet him. “Thayer. I’m very sorry for my reaction, and I hope you can forgive me for ruining your homecoming. I’m Kate.” I know I should say I’m happy to meet him, but I just can’t bring the words to my mouth.
“It’s fine. I understood once I saw the picture of your husband.” His voice is deep and clipped as he responds. Thankfully, his voice is nothing like Collin’s smooth, cultured voice, and it helps ease a bit more tension from my shoulders.
His blue eyes capture mine, and I shiver. I think that’s about all I can handle. “I’m going to go home now. I hope we can talk more next time.” His chin dips down in acknowledgement, but he doesn’t say anything more.
