“How long were you in the Army?”
“From the time we joined until we retired, Lowell, Shaw, and I were in it for fourteen years. Thayer was in for six years,” he says as he thinks about it.
I stare at him as I contemplate asking about them all living together. I don’t want to seem nosy or that I’ve been gossiping about him, but I am curious.
Lev had been watching the thoughts flit across my face. “You want to know why we all live together, don’t you?” he asks.
I bite my lip. “I don’t want to pry, though, believe me, so if it is not something you want to discuss, that’s fine with me. I don’t need to know.”
A small smile plays on Lev’s lips. “We all went through some intense times during the years we served in the special operations force. We lived together and ate together in down times and during operations. The intensity and close proximity to death made us into brothers. Our lives in each other’s hands. I’m not sure we even know how to operate without each other anymore. When Shaw’s dad died, he inherited the ranch, and we all decided it was time to get out and start a new life. At first Shaw needed a lot of help getting the ranch in order, so it made sense just to move in together, and we ended up staying.”
Thinking it through for a second, I get it. After all, I, more than most people, know how traumatic situations can shape a relationship. It had forged their brotherhood in fire. For me, it had twisted my relationship with Collin into shards of ice. Ice that drew blood at will.
Softly, I tell him, “I understand.”
He looks into my eyes and sees I truly understand. Frowning, he reaches for my hand, rubs his thumb, and squeezes. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories. Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, I don’t.” I shake my head as I push away the thoughts clamoring for attention. Changing the subject, I inject lightness into my voice. “The food is delicious, but I’m stuffed.” Pushing away my plate, I set down my napkin and motion with my hand. “If you will excuse me for a second, I need to use the restroom.”
Standing up, he lets me out. He’s still frowning as he assesses my face.
Schooling my features into a pool of blankness, I smile and squeeze his hand. “I’ll be right back.” I use the restroom and look at myself in the mirror as I wash my hands.
Stop letting those memories ruin your life,I order myself.
Chin up, I dry my hands and return to the table. Lev is still eating when I return. He stands up to let me into the booth.
“I...”
“Just...”
“You first,” he tells me.
“I just want to say I’m sorry for cutting you off, especially after you shared yourself with me. It’s just that I’m not ready to talk about my past yet. Maybe never,” I explain.
“Sweetheart, you don’t have to explain anything to me,” he says as he reaches for my hand. “When you are ready to talk about it, I’ll be here, OK?”
Internally chiding myself, I look down at my lap. He’s being so nice about things, but what if he doesn’t really feel that way? Why did I let the past in on our date?
Lev puts a hand on my chin and raises my face so he can look into my eyes. “Kate...?”
“Dammit, our first date was going so well, and I feel like I ruined it,” I blurt, irritated with myself for letting my past get to me.
Laughing, he shakes his head. “Believe me, there’s no way that could happen. I want to get to know the real you, not the fake show you put on for most people. And I want you to get to know the real me. Believe me, after being in the Army for so long, I have quite a few ghosts of my own poking up from the past. We all just manage, however we can, to get through to the next day. I’ve had a wonderful time tonight, and if I get a kiss at the end of the night, it will be a perfect first date.”
Narrowing my eyes, I scan his smiling face. Sincerity shines out of his eyes. I can’t really deny the “fake show,” but the fact that he can see it tells me he pays way more attention to me than I had realized. What is he going to see when he has known me a long time?
Looking at my watch, I notice it’s about 11 p.m. We had talked all night. I lick my lips as I think about kissing him. When I look up, he is staring down at them. He leans over, angling his head...
“I’ll just leave this check right here,” Andrew says as he hastily drops the bill on the table.
Groaning, Lev raises his head and looks at me. “So close. Let me settle with Andrew, and we’ll get out of here.”
He pulls out some bills for Andrew’s tip and signs a receipt for the meal. As he is the owner, he doesn’t pay, but he explains that they use it for accounting purposes.
Reaching for my hand, he helps me out of the booth and grabs our coats on the way out. As we wait for the valet, he wraps his arms around me from behind and rubs my arms to help combat the cold. He’s so warm. It’s like having a cozy fire at my back. Hmm. I’ve always felt tall at 5’9”, but even with heels, he and I fit well together.
As we drive back to Lockeland Valley, I can’t help thinking of kissing him. Besides the peck on the cheek I gave Lev on Monday, I hadn’t kissed a man in several years. It’s stupid, but I’m nervous. Biting my lip, I wonder if I will be any good. Do I even remember how to kiss?
