She’s right. It did.
It’s a horrible, painful exchange and I can’t fully wrap my head around it, but that doesn’t stop me from pulling her closer. “No, whoever orchestrated that cost me my father. He died—” My mouth dries up, forcing me to pause. “He died protecting you, and I will be forever grateful to him for that. You saved my life and he saved yours. Don’t diminish his sacrifice because I know he did that for me.”
Her eyes dart back and forth between mine for a moment, then she lifts her other hand and gently cups my cheek. “I’m sorry, Levi. With your mother and everything, I thought you were too busy, and I didn’t want to interrupt how you were processing. But I’m here, okay? I’m here for you and I’m so sorry for what happened.”
“How’s Scott?” The question chokes out of me as Maeve’s gentle touch to my face starts scraping away at the poorly constructed wall inside me that’s holding my pain at bay.
“He’s confused,” Maeve murmurs. “But he understands. He’s clingy because he misses Cameron, and now Elio is gone and… I’m sorry, Levi. I’m so sorry.”
I try to hold back. I try to maintain a normal conversation about Scott because I care so deeply about him, but the words fail me and the next thing I know, I’m sagging into Maeve’s welcome, warm arms and collapsing down onto the kitchen floor.
She holds me close, wrapping her arms and legs around me while cradling my face. “It’s okay, I’m here,” she gasps with her lips against my forehead. “I’m right here.”
I’ve never been one to cry. Even as a child, I knew better because there were more important things I could be doing, but once I start, I can’t stop. The tears well in my eyes and leak down my cheeks while Maeve holds me as tightly as she can. I bury my face in her chest and sob.
I cry for my father and the role I thought he would play in my future. I cry for my own weakness at being unable to save him. I cry for my mother and the pain I can’t take away from her. I cry for Maeve and her days spent thinking she was the cause. I cry until I can’t breathe, until it feels like I’m splitting myself in two and each edge is ripping me into unfixable pieces.
Maeve holds me through it and continues even when my tears dry up and my sobs fade. She stays with me on the floor bundled together as silence falls and a deep, heavy grief clouds my chest.
I dare not think of anything beyond the single, comforting thought in my mind.
I’m going to find who the fuck did this and I’m not going to leave a single soul alive.
30
MAEVE
“What about this one?”
A week after Elio was shot and killed at the airport, Marcella stands in front of me holding two bouquets with a small smile on her face. She’s thrown herself into planning the wedding, and I’m happy to let her if it gives her a distraction from the grief.
Studying both, I flash her a smile. “You think the roses are better?”
“Of course, dear. Roses symbolize passion and romance, and we need a little bit of that right now, don’t you think?” Her smile widens. “I think ten red roses will be perfect. We can do six large and four small to create the dome shape and wrap them in a ribbon the same pearl as your dress. Maybe even a few leaves here and there for greenery.”
“You paint a beautiful picture,” I assure her. “I’d love that. Scott also wants to carry flowers and I’d like him to. I want him to be as involved as possible.”
“Does he even understand what you’re doing?” Marcella sets the bouquets down as one of the boutique assistants arrives with yet another glass of wine for her.
“Of course he does.”
“He’s only four.”
“And he’s incredibly perceptive. You’ve spent time with him. You know how smart he is.”
“Hmm.” Marcella hums as she drinks while I busy myself on my laptop ticking flowers off the list.
We don’t have much left to plan since Marcella has been throwing herself into this, although Elio’s funeral is just before Halloween and the wedding is two weeks after. If we’re not careful, she won’t spend any time planning the funeral, but it’s such a delicate topic to approach.
“While you and Levi were away, Elio and I spent some time teaching Scott how to play chess, but he was terrible!” She laughs as she settles herself down on the reclining couch. “I said to Elio, I said, he’s almost exactly like Levi was at that age. Big,, beautiful eyes, a smart brain, but no patience for games like that. All Levi wanted to do was go running and swimming, but Elio wants to teach his grandson how to play?—”
She abruptly cuts herself off. I look up and her eyes are filled with tears while she presses a hand over her mouth as grief takes her. My heart squeezes painfully in my chest as the guilt I’m trying to escape wells up inside me like vomit.
“I suppose he won’t have the chance now, will he?” she whispers, shaking her head until a few of her perfectly pinned curls slip from their place. “Oh, God. I’m sorry, don’t pay attention to me.”
Rising from my seat, I cross the small lounge and sit next to her while she tries to wipe away her tears. Having never dealt with this kind of pain with my parents since they both passed when I was young, it’s strange to deal with this now.
“Please don’t apologize for being upset,” I say softly, taking one of her hands in mine. “You’re in pain. Allow yourself to feel.”
