Our relationship still wasn’t public knowledge. While Derek was adamant he was ready to come out, we’d agreed that it would be best to tell our respective families first. Since he’d already had this trip planned, we’d decided that he’d tell his sister and parents, then together we’d tell my parents after he returned. That meant these past two weeks, we’d been business as usual when we were out of the house. And I could tell it was eating at Derek.
He kept saying he was done wasting time behind pretend doors when he could be out holding my hand when we walked down Main. And while that made my already love-struck heart feel all warm and fuzzy, I was just… nervous for him. Derek hadn’t truly experienced any negative push-back from being in a relationship with a man. It was possible that things would smooth over perfectly given his status as an attorney and we lived in a tiny town. But, who knew?
Plus, he could tell me till he was blue in the face he didn’t care about what his dad and step-mom thought, but I knew better. Lucy may be whose opinion he cared about most, buthis parents meant more to him than he was letting on. Would he really be okay if they didn’t approve of him dating me?
As Derek stood to take his dishes to the sink, I found myself pushing back against the insecurities in my head. I hadn’t met his family yet, and though we planned to change that sometime later if all went well, I didn’t want to add any stress to Derek’s life.
I had to remind myself that I needed to have faith in my boyfriend and supporting him was a better way to spend my time than worrying over things that may never happen. Easier said than done, but I’d work on it.
It didn’t take long for Derek to get himself showered and fill that same leather duffle as before with a few days worth of clothes and toiletries. My heart squeezed at the realization of how different life looked than the day he first arrived at this house.
At the front door, Derek set his bag down and took both of my hands.
“It’s going to be just fine.” He reiterated, leaning forward to rest his forehead against mine.
I gave him a half-smile. “I know. Honestly, though, if my brain ever stopped worrying about things it didn’t need to care about, I think it’d freak me out.”
Derek grinned. “It’d make you worry?”
I snickered, pressing my shoulder into him lightly. “Yeah, so I guess it wouldn’t be that weird after all.”
He gave me a soft smile, before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a tender hug. “I know it may seem strange to you, but I’m actually looking forward to telling Lucy. I can’t wait to show her pictures of us and to eventually introduce her to someone that’s so important to me.”
I buried my nose into his shoulder, taking the familiar smell of my body wash that somehow smelled ten times better on him. His words made my eyes prick with unshed tears andmy throat clogged with three words I was dying to finally tell him.
It felt like a lifetime had passed since I realized I was in love with Derek, but there had never been a ‘right time’ to tell him. He deserved romance and flowers and all the sappy shit, but how did I execute that without it feeling overbearing and too soon?
While I pushed back those feelings from rolling off the tip of my tongue, Derek pulled away from me, cupping my cheek with such a gentle embrace.
“I’ll be back in a few days.” He whispered. “I’ll call you tonight, okay?”
I nodded at him, still unable to formulate any words.
I love you. I’ll miss you. You’re it for me. You’re everything and more.
Those phrases kept repeating on a loop in my head as I watched Derek slowly back down the driveway. I gave him a wave when he stopped on the street, and then he was gone.
Moving back inside, I flopped down on the couch, still reeling over how badly I’d wanted to confess my feelings. I knew it’d be way too soon under normal circumstances, but who could really judge the amount of time we’d been together when we’d literally been spending nearly every day in contact?
I chewed on my lower lip. Wasn’t that how dating shows or whatever made people feel? But didn’t those people end up falling out of love when they went back to normal life?
I ran my fingers into my hair, gripping tightly at the strands. I was going to end up going in circles till I was on the verge of a mental breakdown if I didn’t talk this out with someone.
I considered calling Chris. Sure, my best friend would be able to talk me off the ledge, but would she be able to see the forest for the trees? Her interference had played a big role in me deciding to finally take a chance on Derek. I knew she’d tell me I wasn’t insane for being madly in love with him. But, also,knowing her, by the end of the conversation I’d be totally convinced that Derek was just waiting for me to propose when he came home.
No, she wasn’t a good choice. I mulled over my options, trying to decide who else would be able to be honest with me. I needed someone away from this situation enough to not have any bias on where our relationship went. Someone who was outside the Westwend bubble and could be a completely neutral party.
I needed to call Bailey.
If I was being honest with myself, I’d been deliberately putting off talking to either of my brothers regarding my anxiety. Brooks likely wouldn’t answer the call, but if he did, he’d be supportive. And I had no questions about Bailey’s support. But, the conversation could leave me feeling raw and entirely too vulnerable. I’d realized after my conversation with Derek that I’d unintentionally isolated myself from my family. I’d wrongly assumed things about the people who were supposed to love me the most, and it’d be hard to admit that to them.
Taking a slow breath, I pressed the button under his contact before bringing it to my ear, heart pounding rapidly in my chest.
“Colton, hey.” Bailey’s smooth timbre came through moments later.
“Hi Bails, how are you?” I stretched out, getting myself comfortable. We caught up briefly, the neutral conversation letting my nerves settle.
“Did you call just to shoot the shit or did you have something on your mind?” He asked after a pause.
