‘I (29M) got hard over my male (27) roommate and now I’m wondering if I like dudes’ seemed like a plausible title. I was sure the comments would be full of people saying it was just hormones, or it was some physiological thing.
Which meant, the obvious next step was to get on Reddit. I grabbed my laptop and settled against the headboard of my bed. One day, this would all be a joke. I could already hear Colton laughing at me, ‘You thought you were gay over one boner? Oh my God, Derek!’
That totally sounded like something he would tease me over.
Feeling slightly better, I typed into Google:do straight guys get boners for guys
Tons of links popped up. The expected Reddit posts. Articles. Forums. Most of them were asking the same thing.
I could feel my shoulders relaxing—this was a normal thing.
Clicking the top result, I skimmed the original post before going straight for the comments.
Most of the responses indicated the same thing; sexuality was a spectrum that people fell along. However, most people identified with specific labels that felt comfortable to them. Having only attraction to the opposite sex labeled you as straight. But, being sexually attracted to the same sex was not straight.
This was all basic knowledge that didn’t provide me much clarity on my situation. I kept scrolling the comments.
One person wrote, ‘Picture yourself having sex with that guy. If you get off to it, you’re not straight.’
Some other people suggested watching gay porn.
I rubbed my hands down my face and sighed. Somehow, I feltmoreconflicted than before. I didn’t want to picture myself sleeping with Colton, or rather… I refused to let myself go there. We were finally in a good place after that basketball game. I couldn’t risk ruining that by getting weird again.
Still…
Maybe watching porn wasn’t a bad idea.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, squeezing my eyes shut. Seven words I never thought I’d say to myself, especially about gay porn.
Licking my lips slowly, I clicked open a new tab.
The cursor blinked in the search bar like it was waiting to judge me.
What the hell did I even type?
This was meant to be… research. I didn’t have time to get into the weeds on preferences and technique. I wanted to educate myself enough to make an informed decision on if I was suddenly into guys.
Eventually, I decided on:gay guys fucking
I clicked the first link and held my breath as it loaded.
Thesite had dozens of thumbnails, all of them men that were clearly engaging in sexual activities with another man.
Obviously, Derek, that’s kind of what you signed up for here. Don’t overthink this, just pick one.
I scrolled, internally wincing at the titles of some videos, until one caught my eye. ‘Micah's First Time Gay Hookup’.
A little crude, but it hit the nail on the head. If I could see someone else’s first experience with a man, maybe it would give me some clarity.
My cursor hovered over the video, the preview beginning to auto-play.
I sat stock-still as the clip showed two guys sitting side-by-side on a couch.
One—Micah, presumably—seemed nervous as he kept running his hand through his shaggy brown hair. He was engaged in conversation with the man beside him, though there was no sound.
Micah’s partner was a platinum-blond guy who had a surprising amount of muscle definition for his lean frame. He oozed flirty confidence as he turned his body toward Micah, posture relaxed and open. They continued conversing until the blond subtly placed his hand on Micah’s thigh.
I felt my breath hitch at the contact. Somehow, I was nervousforMicah.
