Amelia gives me an understanding sort of smile. “I’m sorry I kind of disappeared for ten days.” Then she makes a face. “Shit, sorry, that sounded terrible. Like, way to make your mental health all about me.”
I snort out a laugh, and more light seeps in. “Yeah, you’re the worst.”
She laughs too. “I have no idea what you see in me.”
This time I don’t laugh. “Everything,” I say, holding her gaze. “I see everything. And the last ten days are understandable. Dean Miller may be an asshole, but he’s still the dean and he has the power to make both of our lives pretty uncomfortable. I’d understand if you wanted to run as fast as you can in the other direction.”
Amelia shakes her head slowly. “I can’t lie; I considered it.”
“And yet, here you are, on my couch.”
“Here I am. I saw you in the diner earlier today, and I realized that there is no part of me that wants to stay away from you. I should. God, it would be easier if I could. But I can’t. It’s like the universe keeps tossing us together and I’m just Northern California enough to believe that means something.”
I chuckle, and she gives me a questioning look. “That sounds a lot like something Cece would say. She’s one with the universe and all that.”
Amelia shrugs. “I like Cece. Women are mysterious creatures, El. We just know things. I can’t explain it, and it feels like just the right amount of crazy to say it. Being around you feels…right. Or maybe it’s just that you look amazing in running clothes. Who could say, really?” she quips airily, and I laugh, even as my heart thuds at her sort-of confession.
My laugh wakes up my dog, who makes a beeline for my plants. “Killer.” The single word from me has her turning and dropping her butt to the floor, tilting her little head to the side as if to saywho me?before she trots over to her pile of toys and attacks a stuffed cat.
Amelia watches the whole exchange with amusement. “What was that all about?”
“She likes to eat my plants, and I really like her not to. It’s a whole thing.”
Amelia laughs, glancing over at the pots on my windowsill and scattered around the living room. “I like what you said about how you bring plants back to life. How did you figure out you could do that?”
I shrug, thinking back. “I like a challenge. It started off mainly as a way to irritate my mom. She bought a fiddle leaf fig like five or so years ago and swore she could keep it alive. My mom has never, ever managed to keep a plant alive in her entire life, and when it inevitably started to die, Noah bet me fifty bucks I couldn’t bring it back to life. So, then it became an honor thing. I did a ton of research on reviving plants, and it took a couple weeks, but I managed to do it. Every time she saw me for the next month, she would mutter about me getting lucky. Noah too.”
She grins at me. “So, you set out to prove to both of them that it wasn’t just beginner’s luck.”
“You bet. It became a kind of habit, and it turned out it helped when I wasn’t having great mental health days, so I stuck with it.”
“It’s a really impressive collection. Do they have names? My dad loved to garden, and he named all his favorite plants.”
“Sure do. I named them all after famous people born in Boston.”
She laughs. “I love that. Later you can introduce me to them.”
“To my plants?”
She shrugs. “Why not? You obviously love them. I want to know all the things you love.”
“Then I want to tell you,” I manage through the emotion tightening my chest.
“Do your brothers know?” Amelia asks suddenly.
“About the plants?” I know exactly what she’s asking, but it’s my least favorite subject to talk about, so my instinct is to deflect. I should have known I couldn’t get away with that from her because she just gives me an unimpressed look.
“No, El, not about the plants.”
I blow out a breath and scrub a hand over my face. “I know. And no, they don’t. I’m not proud of it, and trust me, my mom has read me the riot act a million times in the last decade or so. Growing up, the four of us all kind of had our roles. Jordan’s the oldest. Noah is the goofy joker of the bunch. Cooper is the quiet caretaker. And I’m the details guy who remembers birthdays and important dates and the name of the associate Coop is feuding with at work. I organize all the things and make sure everyone’s hanging their clothes on padded hangers like adults, and I’ve always been the one everyone tells their shit to. I guess part of me was afraid that if I let them in, they would treat me differently, and I don’t know what that would feel like. I haven’t been ready to find out. Also, when I go dark, I mostly like to be alone.”
Amelia sets her mug aside and draws her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on her knees. “You’re not alone right now.”
We lock eyes, and the warmth that flows between us makes it feel like we’re in our own little bubble. “No, I’m definitely not alone right now. I think if I could have you with me, I would never want to be alone again.”
Amelia’s eyes go soft, and she tilts her head to the side, her long brown waves falling over her shoulder. “I understand the instinct to keep the big things to yourself, more than you could possibly imagine.”
“The PhD program?” I ask.
