I let out a short laugh, but there’s not much humor in it. “What life? The one where I have a job I don’t like and an apartment that never felt like home until you scattered neon blankets all over it and built a habitat for a plastic dinosaur that now lives on my coffee table?”
“Uh, yeah. The life where you’re trying to figure out what kind of future you want for yourself now that the future you had planned isn’t available to you anymore. The life where you give yourself over to a summer of fun and do things like get a plastic dinosaur dressed every morning and take a scavenger hunt through Manhattan in the middle of the night and order four different kinds of takeout and watch disaster movies with candy popcorn. This is what living looks like, J. Allie was the coolest woman in the entire world. I think she’d get a kick out of hearing about it.”
I stare at Jo, the rest of the world dropping away until all I can see are her bright green eyes and the spray of freckles across her nose. Her messy ponytail cascading over one shoulder left bare by the wide neck of her T-shirt slipping down her arm. The frayed hem of her cutoff jean shorts and her silky-smooth legs ending in her signature pink high-top Converse. Everything about her is comforting and familiar and also not as I feel something shift inside me. A lock snicking open on a door markedmorethat I’m not ready to open just yet.
I clear my throat, shaking it away. “Hurricane, I think you might be the smartest person I’ve ever met.”
Jo smiles, tossing me another Fireball. “I just call it like I see it, J.” She glances around the gazebo, as if seeing it for the first time. “You know, for years this was my sacred place, but now I think it belongs to us. I think I like having a place that’s ours.”
I pick up Jo’s hand again and squeeze it, so fucking grateful for her and this friendship and this place and this day.
“Me too, Hurricane.”
CHAPTERSIXTEEN
JO
“Want another one?” I ask Jordan, tipping the massive bag of Fireballs I bought specifically for our road trip in his direction.
“Definitely not.” Jordan reaches for his Dr. Pepper in the cupholder and takes a long sip. “I didn’t think there was a limit to how many Fireballs I could consume, but it turns out the limit is however many I’ve had between New York and right now, because I officially can’t feel my tongue.”
I laugh, even as a little curl of lust snakes through me at Jordan’s mention of his tongue. We’re five and a half hours into our six-hour road trip to Pittsburgh, and it turns out the effect of spending all these hours in the passenger seat of his car while he drives is my crush ratcheting up fromoh, my friend Jordan is cuteto inferno levels ofI want to jump his bones, like, yesterday please and thank you.
I blame the driving. Did I realize a man driving a car was hot? I certainly did not. But Jordan driving a big, burly SUV I didn’t even realize he owned in aviator sunglasses and a perfectly fitted gray T-shirt that showcases incredible forearms that flex every time he turns the wheel or flicks the turn signal is the hottest fucking thing I have ever seen. Not to mention the way his hands lightly grip the wheel. I didn’t realize hands could be sexy. When they are attached to Jordan Wyles, they absolutely can.
Friends, Jo.
Be friends.
The reminder shakes me out of my figurative panting over the forearm porn on display next to me, and I pick up my own Dr. Pepper, taking a sip to cool down, and also because Dr. Pepper from a rest stop soda fountain on the Pennsylvania Turnpike is the best Dr. Pepper. I don’t make the rules. “That’s weak sauce, J. There is no limit to the number of Fireballs one person can consume.”
Jordan chuckles, and even though he laughs a little more than he used to, the sound is still an unexpected delight. “That’s what Allie used to say. She could eat a million Fireballs and was entirely unaffected by it.”
I smile at the way he mentions Allie’s name with warmth and a touch of humor, and without the haunted, questioning look he used to get when he said her name to me. “Because we’re the smart girls, J. And we’re made of stronger stuff.”
He glances over at me and there’s something on his face that I haven’t seen before, but before I have a chance to examine it, it’s gone, replaced by an expression that’s part memory, part fondness. “She definitely was, and you are too. So, are you sure you don’t mind me just dropping you off at Hallie’s? I promised Jeremy and Ben I would meet them and Asher and Gabe at the bar for a drink later, and I want to go to the cemetery before that.” Jordan shifts in his seat, discomfort suddenly radiating off of him.
“Of course. Hannah’s there too, and I have babies to smother with love. But are you sure you’re good to go to the cemetery by yourself? I can come with you and sit in the car. You don’t have to be alone unless you want to be.”
Jordan blows out a breath, his hands gripping the wheel just a little tighter. “I appreciate it, but I think it’s something I have to do myself. Is it terrible that I feel like I just want to get there and get it over with? It should be something I want to do, right? Not something I need to overcome.”
He sounds so distressed that for a second I lay my hand on his shoulder. “It’s not terrible at all. It’s another step, and every new step is a little scary. For what it’s worth, I think it’ll feel good for you to be there. I think you’ll find some comfort being where Allie is. And if you don’t, that’s okay too. You can be there for as long as it feels right to you, and then go be with your friends.”
The look he gives me is so full of gratitude that I feel a rush of warmth and have to literally hold myself back from taking his hand, just to have the connection. “What does it say about me that I’d rather be doing something crazy with you in New York than anything in Pittsburgh with anyone else?”
The reminder that in two months I’ll be one of those people back in Pittsburgh while he stays in New York has my chest tightening, but I swallow around the emotion and force lightness into my voice. “It says that I’m your very best friend and the J’s Summer of Fun is actually the most fun you’ve ever had.”
“Got that right,” Jordan murmurs. “Even though I kind of already can’t wait to go back to the city, I’m sorry we can’t stay here longer. I know you’ve been missing your sisters and the babies.”
I shrug, waving that away. “I didn’t want to take off more than one day anyway. I’ll get plenty of baby snuggles tonight and tomorrow, and I’ll be good to go back Sunday morning.”
Jordan pulls the car to a stop in front of Hallie and Ben’s house. I unlatch my seatbelt and reach for the door handle, but before I can push the door open, Jordan lays a hand on my arm, stopping me. When I turn, my gaze locks on his, and the depth of emotion swimming in his blue eyes has my next breath clogging in my lungs. “Thank you, Jo. Seriously.”
“For what?” My words sound breathy to my ears, and suddenly this enormous car feels far too small with Jordan’s proximity to me and the space he takes up and the laundry detergent scent that is so quintessentiallyhimfilling all my senses.
“For coming with me. For being here. For always knowing the right thing to say. I don’t know. All of it. I don’t think I would have the courage to do any of this without you.”
I take a deep breath to steady myself because the most important thing is being the friend Jordan needs. I want that more than I want anything. I cover his hand with mine. “I think you’re wrong. I think you have all the courage you need on your own. But I’m happy to be here with you, for the fun stuff and the stuff that’s not so fun. I would do anything for you, J. Literally anything.”
