Noah
Definitely not me.
Me
Can I leave this chat?
Elliot
You absolutely may not.
Noah
If you leave the chat, how will we know when you and Jo finally make the magic happen?
Cooper
Is that what we’re calling it these days?
Noah
I was trying to be subtle.
Noah
You have never been subtle a day in your life.
The group chat is still rolling when I get a separate text just from Elliot. I know what it’s going to say before I even open it.
Elliot
I know your head is still in a weird place, but like I said when we were in New York, if you did like her as more than a friend, it would be okay.
Me
I know. It’s not like that, though.
Elliot
Maybe not, but it probably could be.
I blow out a breath and decide, for the first time in two years, to be honest with my brother.
Me
I’m not ready. She’s probably the best friend I have right now. She makes me feel almost normal again. Or, like, whatever passes for normal for me. Whatever it is, I never thought I would feel it again, and I think it’s because of her.
Elliot
Then I’m happy for you, Jord. I’m here if you need me.
“Hey, you’re here!”
I look up, relieved to have a reason to ignore all my brothers, to see Jo walking up Fifty-Second Street with so much enthusiasm she’s practically skipping. Her chestnut hair is weaved into two long braids that bounce as she walks, and she has a wide grin on her face. She looks really fucking cute, and I can’t deny the warmth I feel when she aims that grin at me.
After wading through grief and the endless complexity of rebuilding my life on top of the wreckage of the one I lost, Jo’s smiles feel like seeing the sun for the very first time after years of darkness.
I didn’t realize how much I needed a friendship untouched by history and shared grief. I love my friends, and my family is everything to me, but our relationships are so much more complex in the wake of Allie’s death. The combination of their own grief and their concern for me makes those relationships feel heavy and sometimes fraught, even two years later.
