“I want her.” I pause, wondering if I should say this next thing and then wonder, what the hell. This kitchen, with its green cabinets, long white countertops, and the wall inside the pantry where my mom measured our heights for years and years, has always been the place where my brothers and I tell our secrets. “I want to go back to pediatrics, and I think…I think I want to move home. But I don’t want to do any of that without Jo. She’s mine, Mom, but she has a whole life in Pittsburgh, and I would never take her away from it.”
“Jordan, there is nothing on this earth I want more than to have you home. To have all my boys in one place. And for what it’s worth, I know they still haven’t filled the surgical attending position at Boston Children’s because every single time I see Marty, he asks me if I think you’ll ever want it.”
Marty is my dad’s best friend and the chief of pediatric surgery at Boston Children’s Hospital. Even thinking about that open position gives me a little thrill, but then I think about the possibility of being separated from Jo, and my stomach clenches.
My mom nods, smiling. “That look on your face tells me all I need to know. Talk to Jo. She sees you, honey—all of you. When you’re ready, tell her how you feel. When two people are committed to each other, these things have a way of working themselves out.”
The rest of the morning flies by in a free mugging excursion with Jo where we laugh and talk, and she asks me to show her the locations of all my most embarrassing childhood moments. And in Jo laughing at the picture I show her of Dippy wearing a scarf covered in balloons. And in flashes of Jo laughing with Noah and begging Elliot to tell her more about the girl from the plane and squealing over pictures of his little dog. And in Jo plopping herself down on my lap and kissing my cheek while we watch my mom open her presents, sighing and leaning back against me when I wrap my arms around her, kissing the side of her head.
As I take in Jo with my most important people, dropping into my family like she was meant to be right here with us, I think that there is nowhere I would rather be than here. And there is nothing I want more than to have her right here with me.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-FOUR
JO
“Okay, for sure you have, like, a steel stomach.” Noah groans as we all make our way out of Quincy Market, where we’ve spent the last two hours eating everything from clam chowder to lobster rolls to Boston cream pie and a bag of the best gummy candy I’ve ever had.
I glance over at his slightly green complexion and grin. “I do. But also, Jordan and I have been training for this moment, like, all summer long.”
Jordan smiles and swings his arm around my shoulders. I get a whiff of his scent and practically go weak in the knees. With his perfectly fitting blue T-shirt showing off forearms that make my mouth go dry and aviator sunglasses covering his eyes, he is the poster boy forhot. I have the sudden urge to drop to my knees right here and worship him, tourists be damned.
“She’s right. The J’s Summer of Fun was basically a crash course in eating lots of food in weird combinations and living to tell the tale.”
“What’s the J’s Summer of Fun?” asks Elliot.
I grin at him, sliding my arm around Jordan’s waist. “It’s my name for this summer where I make Jordan do crazy shit and he humors me because he likes me.”
“Can’t say no to my girl,” Jordan says, leaning down and kissing the top of my head.
“Sexy, crazy things?” Noah asks, giving me a salacious wink that has me throwing my head back and laughing. I love Jordan’s brothers so freaking much.
Cooper puts a hand over Noah’s face and shoves. “Can you ever be serious about anything?”
I link my free arm through Cooper’s. “Give him a break, Coop. I never had brothers. This is fun.”
I have a quick moment of panic, wondering if it’s weird that I basically just claimed Jordan’s brothers as my own, but when I glance at Jordan, he’s smiling down at me, giving me a look that has my stomach swooping. One that holds the same kinds of feelings I have for him. The feelings I hope eventually he’ll give me in words.
There is so much in me for him. I love him in the forever, always, only you kind of way. But for the first time in my life, I’m not letting loose every thought in my head. I hope he feels those things for me. Or that he will one day. But he’s been through so much, and this thing between us has grown so fast. I need him to give me the words first. To tell me he’s ready for this. For what it could be.
I give Noah a wink. “So many sexy things,” I say in a staged whisper.
“Hurricane…” Jordan groans. “Don’t saysexy thingsin front of my brothers.”
I grin, leaning up to press a kiss to Jordan’s jaw as we walk through the busy Sunday crowds towards Boston Harbor. “But you’re so good at the sexy things. Everyone should know. That kind of skill deserves a parade, J.”
Elliot snickers as Jordan groans again. “Jo Jo, please never leave. You’re the most fun we’ve ever had. You should both move to Boston, then we could all rib Jordan together.”
I smile at him, trying to hide the little glow his words give me. I love it here so much. I love the city of Boston—its energy and history and charm, and its magic. I love Jordan’s parents and his brothers, and I love being here in his world. But most of all, I love how Jordan is in Boston, surrounded by his family. He’s lighter. Freer. It feels like the place he’s supposed to be.
We’ve only been here for the weekend, but I can already see how it would be for us to be here together. To make a life here. I know it’s too soon for any of that, but I am who I am, and I’ve never pretended to have a patient bone in my body.
I glance over at Jordan to see what he thinks about what Elliot said, but he’s unusually quiet. His eyes are fixed on the Boston Harbor, taking in the view, as he slides his hand up to cup the back of my neck, his thumb drawing slow circles that have goosebumps rising on my skin despite the summer heat.
We all stop at the fence along the water, and I turn to Elliot, stepping in front of Jordan, who immediately wraps his arms around me from behind. “I don’t know, El. Boston’s okay, but have you ever seen the view from Mount Washington? Or done a food tour of the Strip District? Pittsburgh isn't an easy city to leave. Not to mention my job that I super love.”
Jordan stiffens a little, and his arms tighten around me. I glance up at him and see his jaw clenched, but when our eyes meet, he gives me a soft smile and bends down to kiss my neck. My heart takes flight, and before I can stop it, my traitorous brain spins a tale about how Jordan doesn’t like the idea of me being back in Pittsburgh where he isn’t.
I don’t mention that I have an opportunity to do the job I love in a way that would let me live anywhere I want or that all I really want is to be wherever Jordan is. I’m keeping that to myself for now, until I know he’s ready to be wherever I am too.
