“What are we talking about over here, guys?” Jo’s arms come around my neck from behind, and she props her chin on my shoulder, a smile in her voice. Feeling a hundred pounds lighter from giving El some of my hardest truths and thrilled with the feeling of Jo’s arms around me in my absolute favorite place, I do exactly the thing brothers do and throw Elliot under the bus immediately and without a second thought.
“Elliot fell in love at first sight with a girl he met on an airplane, and now he can’t find her.”
Just as I thought she would, Jo squeals and swings around me, making a move to pull out the barstool on the other side of Elliot. Before she can get very far, I snag her around the waist and settle her into my lap. “No way, Hurricane,” I whisper in her ear. “I want you close to me.”
She turns her head, grinning at me. “Like, share a chair when there are like six empty ones close? I didn’t realize we were there already.”
I tighten my arms around her and press a kiss to her neck, loving how her face flushes and she glances around like she’s just a tiny bit embarrassed to be sitting on my lap in a room full of my family. “Oh, we are definitely there.”
She studies me for a second, gaze searching my face before she smiles and shrugs, kicking her pink Converse-clad feet. “Love that for us.”
I chuckle and then escalate to a full-blown laugh when Jo turns all her attention to Elliot. “A mystery woman on a plane, Elliot? Love at first sight? I’m sat. Tell me literally everything.”
Elliot laughs. “Noah was right.”
“Duh,” comes Noah’s voice from across the island. “I’m always right. What was I right about this time?”
“That we definitely need to keep, Jo.” Elliot grins at her.
“Oh, then yeah, absolutely. We love you already.” Noah flashes her a mile wide grin. “Hey, how’s Hannah by the way?”
Jo gives him a confused look. “Hannah, my sister?”
“Yeah.” Noah shrugs, his face turning uncharacteristically red. “I talked to her a little the last time I was in Pittsburgh. She’s cool is all.”
I hide my smile because that is absolutely Noah’sI’m interested in a girlvoice, but Jo doesn’t know him well enough to know that.
“She’s good,” Jo says, smiling at Noah. “She didn’t mention you guys had talked.”
Noah’s face falls so fast it’s practically comical, but before either Jo or I have a chance to say anything, my mom comes over and wraps an arm around me and one around Jo, joining our little circle.
“Look at all of you, talking in here. All together.” Her voice wavers, and her eyes fill with tears.
Jo looks alarmed, but I tug on her ponytail. “She’s fine, Jo Jo. Crying when we’re all together is a Pam Wyles special.”
“She’s a happy crier.” My dad goes to the fridge, grabs a beer and slides it to my mom, then hands out beers to the rest of us. He puts an arm around my mom and fixes his gaze on Jo and me. “We’re really happy you’re here. Both of you. We missed you, Jord. We understand why you had to stay away, and we’re so glad you were ready to come home.”
I twist the cap off my beer and take a long swallow to wash down all the feelings that threaten to bubble over. Somehow, Jo knows, and she takes my free hand in hers, lacing our fingers together. It gives me the support I need to say the thing I want to say. “I’m sorry I had to stay away for so long. I wanted to come back; I just couldn’t. It was too hard. I needed the space to figure it all out. I’m not sure if I have yet, but I’m the closest I’ve ever been.”
Jo squeezes my hand, and my mom’s gaze arrows straight in on it.
Wordlessly, she walks over and stands in front of us, putting a hand on my cheek. “Jordan, honey, you needed to get through the last two years in whatever way felt right to you. I raised all my boys to know their own minds. I hated seeing you go through so much pain, knowing I couldn’t do anything to take it away from you, but I have never been prouder of anyone than I am of you. We all miss Al?—”
She cuts herself off, glancing at Jo. The way my mom stopped in the middle of saying Allie’s name has anxiety churning in my stomach. I want to tell my family to say her name just like I told Ben, but the words get stuck in my throat, and I’m helpless to do anything but sit there, every muscle in my body tense.
Jo just lays her hand over the arm I have wrapped around her, stroking my forearm with her thumb in a comforting rhythm, and fixes her gaze on my mom. “Say Allie’s name, Pam. I want you to. Jordan needs you to. She was a part of your family too. You all lost someone, and it’s okay to remember her out loud.”
Overcome, I lay my forehead against the back of Jo’s head, breathing her in, wondering how I could possibly be lucky enough to have found this twice in one lifetime. Jo squeezes my arm as my mom’s breath hitches.
When I lift my head, my mom is smiling more softly than I thought her capable of. She’s a live your emotions out loud person. A lot like Jo, actually. She lays a hand on Jo’s cheek, looking back and forth between Jo and me. “Welcome to chaos, honey. I think we’ve been waiting for you. All of us.”
I can feel Jo’s smile even though I’m behind her. And when she says, “I love it here already,” I can’t help the way my brain serves me up a fast forward of images of Jo and me together right here in Boston. Living in Back Bay, hanging out with my brothers, strolling along Newberry Street hand in hand, coming here for dinner on weekends. It’s just a fantasy, but I can’t help but feel the tiny roots of it take hold. Like it’s something to strive for. Hope for, maybe.
The way I feel about Jo makes me feel like it’s okay to hope for things again.
My mom gives a satisfied nod. “I’m so happy to hear you say that. This is going to be an excellent weekend, and not just because my birthday is tomorrow.”
Jo grins. “I heard all about the birthday breakfast festivities. I can’t wait.”
