This entire morning has been so unexpected that I laugh too, and before long, we’re both holding onto each other, shaking with laughter, tears streaming down our faces. I know we have a lot to talk about and so much to work out between us, but right now, this moment feels kind of perfect.
I find the note on the kitchen counter after Jeremy leaves.
Dear Ems,
I’m so damn proud of you. You are going to be an amazing mom, and Maddy is so lucky to have you. I’m lucky to have you too.
Sometimes these notes are a way for me to say the things that are hard for me to say out loud, so here goes. I know we have a lot to talk about still, and it hasn’t been that long, but I want to be there with you every step of the way while you go through this process and long after it’s over. I don’t know what that will mean for all of us,but I wanted to make sure you know. I’m in this. Maddy is mine just like you are.
You light up my world, Pretty Girl. So does she.
Jeremy
Chapter Thirty-Four
Jeremy
“Should we do Halloween specials?”
I look up from the computer where I’m working on adding a couple of specialty drinks to our fall menu. In the two weeks since I got back on the ice, I’ve had a burst of energy in almost every part of my life. I’ve created new fall drinks for the bar, been skating with Maddy and also on my own, joined in on some of the more advanced hockey practices, spent almost every night with Emma, and, just this morning, finally emailed Brian telling him I want to meet. It was the hardest email I’ve ever written, but with Emma next to me on the couch and Maddy sprawled on the floor with markers and a sketch pad, it felt like the right time. The only place I haven’t had extra energy is in my office at the foundation. I’ve spent some time pondering that fact too.
“Halloween?”
Ben comes into the office and flops on the couch we have shoved up against the wall. “Yeah, you know the holiday that’s on Sunday? Where kids dress up and trick or treat and college students dress up and get drunk? The college kids end up here anyway, so I’m thinking we should maybe do special drinksor something. We don’t usually, but there’s a first time for everything.”
“Way ahead of you. I came up with five new fall drinks. We can debut them on Halloween night.”
Ben quirks a brow at me. “Who the fuck are you?”
I shrug a shoulder, looking back at the computer. “I had a burst of inspiration.”
Ben nods, knowingly. “I just bet you did. A couple of redheaded girls on your mind?”
I could say it’s the girls and I wouldn’t even be lying, but it’s not the whole truth either. Ben deserves some of that.
“Kind of but not completely. I…uh…I’ve been skating.”
Ben sits up, resting his elbows on his knees. “You never go skating. You said it was too hard on your knee.”
I wince, remembering that particular lie. While I could never play professional hockey again with all the contact it requires and the stress it puts on your joints, regular skating is fine.
“That’s not…entirely true. It was easier to say that than to tell you the truth, which is that I missed hockey so much that getting on the ice made me anxious. It made me miss everything I lost, so I avoided it until two weeks ago when Emma kind of forced it on me. I went skating with her and Maddy and, shit Ben, it was like a piece of my soul clicked back into place. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you why I was avoiding the ice before now. It felt too hard to talk about.”
Ben studies me. “And now?”
I grab the box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch I brought with me to use as brain food and dig in, tossing a handful of the cinnamon sugar goodness in my mouth. Maybe I should wait and tell Emma what I’ve been thinking about first before I tell Ben. But I’m here and so is he, and it feels right to tell him, especially since there’s other stuff I’ve been keeping from him that I’m nowhere near ready to talk about with him. Like howI’ve never been able to totally trust his friendship because my brain is fucked. Or how I might have a brother out there I might be about to meet.
“Now I don’t know how I ever lived without it for fifteen years. I’m considering stepping down as executive director of the foundation and taking over as coach of the foundation hockey camps when the current coach leaves at the end of the year.”
My breath wooshes out as I finally say out loud the thing I’ve been turning over in my head for weeks.
No one is more shocked than I am when a broad smile spreads over Ben’s face.
“I think that’s the best idea I’ve ever heard.”
“Seriously? No questions? No, why didn’t you tell me about skating? You know this will free me up to spend a lot more time here with you too, having opinions on shit.”
“It was your thing to tell me when you were ready. And Jeremy, we started this business together. More time here together is a good thing if it’s what you want. I think you’ve been bored out of your mind at the foundation for a while now.”
