“Then let’s do it.”
She guides me over to where Maddy is sitting on the bench next to three pairs of hockey skates. I sit down next to her.
“Tell me what we’ve got here, Little Red.”
Maddy looks up at me, eyes sparkling.
“We’re making you new memories.”
“Oh, are we?” I manage, as emotion rises in my chest.
She nods. “Emma said you haven’t skated in a long time because it makes you sad. But she said you miss it a lot. If you skate with us, maybe it can make you happy again.”
I’m afraid if I respond I’ll lose it right here on this bench. Then I feel Emma’s hand on my shoulder. I reach up and take it, gripping it like a lifeline. Her touch steadies me in a way nothing else ever has.
“I think skating with you would definitely make me happy again, even though it feels scary to get on the ice again.”
Maddy nods. “I was a little scared the first time I got on the ice, but it helped when Coach John held my hand. I can hold one of your hands and Emma can hold the other. Maybe that will help.”
Keeping hold of Emma’s hand, I put an arm around Maddy’s shoulders, giving her a little squeeze. My heart expands with love for this brave little girl.
“I think it will definitely help.”
“So put on your skates! I think these are yours, because they’re the biggest.”
She hands me one of the pairs of hockey skates, and I see that they’re brand new. Emma answers my question before I have a chance to ask it.
“I bought you new skates. I wasn’t sure if you still had skates, but even if you did, I wanted you to wear new ones. You deserve to have skating back in your life, Jer. It’s not the same way you used to have it, but it doesn’t have to be any less special. I want today to be a fresh start for you. New skates for new memories. I bought Maddy and me new skates too. We’re doing this together. I checked your shoe size when we were at the hotel and had John help with the brand and everything. He said these were the best ones.”
“And look, Jeremy, we all match!”
Maddy holds up her skates and Emma’s, placing them next to mine so they sit on the bench in a line. Without consciously thinking about it, I let go of Emma’s hand and grab my phone to snap a picture of the three pairs together. I stare at the picturefor a second, eyes burning at what the image represents. A new part of my life in more ways than one. A life where I can have skating back. Where I can have Emma. Where I can take care of her, and we can take care of each other. Where I can love her as hard as I want to. Where we can keep Maddy with us for as long as possible. Where we can be a family.
There’s a part of me that still thinks I’m not good enough for any of it. That I won’t be able to get on the ice. That one day Emma will realize I’m not worth the trouble. But another part of me is thinking words likerealandforeverandalways. That part of me gets louder with every moment I share with Emma. Today, with skates on the bench and the girls by my side, I choose to listen to it and fuck the doubt.
I take Emma’s hand again and bring it to my lips, pressing a kiss to the top of it, and then another. Then I turn my attention back to Maddy, grateful to Emma that she’s letting me have this moment.
“It’s cool we’re all matching. It’s even cooler that these are your very first skates. If you keep skating, you’ll have lots of pairs of skates in your life, but there is nothing more special than your first pair. You’ll always remember them and who got them for you.”
Maddy studies me and seems to consider something. “Are these kind of like your first skates too? Because you haven’t skated for so long, so maybe they’re your first pair for your new memories? So it’s like Emma got us both our first pair.”
I smile at her, fascinated by her brain. “It’s exactly like that, Little Red. It’s special that Emma got us both our first pair of skates. We’re really lucky to have her.”
“Is Emma your girlfriend?”
I whip my head around to Emma but she just shrugs, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter. Okay, clearly on my own here. Fantastic.
“What makes you ask?”
“Because you always smile when you look at her and you kiss her on her head and on her hand, and at Hallie and Ben’s wedding I saw you kiss her on the lips.”
Jesus Christ, I really hope I don’t fuck this up.
“How does that make you feel?”
“I like it. I love you and I love Emma. I like when you’re both with me. I like when we’re all together. It makes me feel…” she trails off, looking down at her hands.
“Makes you feel what, Little Red?”
