“Didn’t you just get married like two days ago? What are you doing here? Why aren’t you home having sex?”
“It may have been my wedding, but don’t think I missed that kiss on the dance floor and you and Jeremy walking out together. And I know Maddy stayed with Rachel and Steven Saturday night, so if you think I would miss a Monday morning sexy breakfast story, you’re crazy. And I have plenty of sex. I had sex just this morning, in fact. Twice.”
She gives us a satisfied grin and Molly groans.
“Am I really about to be the only one in this office not having regular, mind-blowing sex?”
“I guess that depends on what Emma is about to tell us,” Julie says. All three of them turn to me.
I shrug and give them a grin of my own as I walk around and take my seat, grabbing the box of donuts and the coffee cup marked with my name. “Sorry, Mol.”
“Well, you can comfort me with details. Leave nothing out.”
I take a sip of my French vanilla and pluck out a chocolate donut, thinking about how to start. I decide to just dive right in.
“It was incredible. Like, he was amazing eight years ago, but now? Holy shit. I didn’t know I could come that many times in a single night or that my body could bend in that many ways.”
I stop just short of mentioning our little Sunday morning shower interlude, wanting to keep that little detail between Jeremy and me. Pull the fire alarm Emma is not for public consumption. Even the public consisting of my best friends.
“So, the sex was good.” Hallie leans forward and props her chin in her hand. “I mean, of course it was; the two of you are the most gorgeous people in the world and you’ve been circling each other like predator and prey for years. But how do you feel? I mean, aside from wildly satisfied?”
I take a deep breath and give my best friends the thought that has been running through my mind nonstop since Sunday morning when Jeremy kissed me in the car like the world was ending before we went into the Parkers’ to pick up Maddy. It only got louder this morning when he pulled me off the trail on our run and kissed me against a tree, soft and slow, then pulled away, pressing his lips to my forehead and wrapping his arms around me like he couldn’t get close enough.
“I love him.”
Tears immediately spring to my eyes, and I don’t bother to wipe them away. Julie and Hallie both lean across the table to take my hands while Molly wraps an arm around me. Surrounded by their comfort, I let it all out.
“He’s the best person I know. He’s it for me. I think I’ve always known, but it’s different now. In just a couple of months, he inserted himself into my life in such a significant way I don’t think I could ever extricate him. I wouldn’t want to. The way he is with me, and watching him with Maddy? It’s huge and important. I’m used to huge feelings, but I’ve never felt like this. It scares me a little.”
Hallie squeezes my hand and looks at me with understanding.
“Tell us why.”
“He has so much inside of him that he doesn’t let anyone see. I mean, of course he does. You don’t grow up like he did and come out unaffected. He’s shown me little glimpses—probably more than he’s shown anyone else—but there’s more. I can see it. I understand him so well. Enough to know it’s going to be hardfor him to give himself over to something like this completely. And thinking about that, and also Maddy only being with me temporarily when I love her so much, and her loving Jeremy so much too, has my head kind of a mess. I have so much love in me for both of them and they are clearly crazy about each other, and it’s a lot of messy feelings all around.”
I didn’t even completely realize this was how I was feeling, but now that I’m letting it out, it’s obvious I needed to talk. I’m grateful to my friends for knowing me well enough to give me this space.
Julie nods in understanding. “Feelings are messy, but they’re worth it. I watched the two of you at the wedding too, Em. The way Jeremy was looking at you? That man is head over heels for you. I think he always has been. I know he’s been through a lot, but I think you both have so much inside of you for each other, and it’s been building for so long, that you’ll be able to figure each other out. Just take one day at a time. Let it happen. Give him a soft place to land. When it’s right, there’s no rush.”
“And I know things with Maddy are uncertain,” Hallie says. “That’s the hardest part of being a foster parent. Her father may be able to care for her at some point, or another relative could step up. None of us know what’s going to happen. The only thing you can do is what you’re already doing. Love her as hard as you can for as long as you can. Give her happiness and fun and a safe place. And you are, Em. You’ve given her a whole family in such a short period of time. We all love her, and even though I know it’s different for you, if she does have to leave, we’ll all miss her. But we’ll get through it together.”
“She’s right, Em.” Molly squeezes my shoulder. “No matter what, you won’t go through any of this alone. You have a whole family on your side.”
I take a shaky breath and let it out.
“Thanks. I needed this talk. And the donuts.”
Feeling a little steadier, I remember the other thing I wanted to talk to them about.
“If it’s okay with you guys, I’m going to leave early today and pick Maddy up from school myself.”
“Of course it’s okay. We don’t punch a time clock, Em. That’s why we started this firm in the first place. So we could be the lawyers we wanted to be and also do life.”
I almost laugh at Julie’s statement, so different from what the Julie of a year ago would have said to me.
“What are you guys doing this afternoon? Everything okay?” Hallie asks.
“Oh, yeah, everything’s fine. Maddy and I have a secret mission at the hockey arena this afternoon.”
