“Of course I can,” I manage, emotion swarming me and my eyes blurring. I know Ben heard the whole exchange and can tell I’m struggling to keep it together because he lays a hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. I want to feel bad that it’s his wedding day and he’s the one supporting me right now, but I’m too damn grateful for it.
It’s just a couple minutes later that the music rises, and Hallie’s mom makes her way down the aisle, followed by Rachel and Steven. Rachel gives Maddy a wave and Maddy grins back at her. Then Rachel looks from Maddy to me and gives me a look so full of love that it almost brings me to my knees. In this moment, with a little girl I’ve fallen in love with on my hip and the only mom I’ve ever known looking on, I’m not the lost boy, afraid ofbeing left alone again. I’m not the grown man who spends his life worried that no one will stay.
Instead, I’m happy and secure and it’s such a foreign feeling I almost don’t recognize it, even as I know that I would do almost anything to keep it.
Maddy’s quiet gasp breaks me from my thoughts.
And then Emma is all I see.
She looks surprised for just a second, her gaze drifting from me to Maddy in my arms, before understanding floods her features and she starts her walk down the aisle.
Her gold dress dips low in the front and falls in soft folds down to the floor, sparkling in the late fall afternoon sunlight. Freckles I want to trace with my tongue dot her bare shoulders, and her hair tumbles in waves down her back. Gorgeous seems like too common a word for such an uncommon woman, but as my eyes meet hers and my breath clogs in my lungs, it’s all I’ve got.
My surroundings blur until it’s just Emma and me, gazes locked as she walks towards me. The calm lines of her face contrasting with the look in her eyes—a penetrating gaze with an intense emotion there I can’t quite name that has butterflies swirling in my stomach and need whipping through me in a wave.
My expression must give away my thoughts because for a split second the soft smile on Emma’s face falters, replaced by a knowing look that tells me she feels what I feel. We might be standing at our best friends’ wedding, but our thoughts are better suited to dark rooms and whispers in the night and hands and mouths and the joining of bodies and the reason I have a hotel room waiting for us, if she agrees to my post-wedding plans.
Dear god, please let her agree to those plans because I need her like air.
When Emma reaches the altar, she breaks eye contact with me to look at Maddy, giving her a grin and a wink before she turns to take her place on the other side.
“Stand with your girl, Em,” Ben whispers. He leans down and kisses Emma’s cheek, taking her arm and guiding her next to me. Understanding, Jordan and Asher both take a step over, making room so Emma can slide in beside me.
“I’m so happy to see you up here, Maddy,” Emma whispers, running a hand over Maddy’s red curls.
Maddy leans into Emma’s touch. “It was taking so long for the wedding to start, and I didn’t know when you would come. Jeremy said I could be with him.”
Maddy tips her head to rest against mine and Emma lets out a shaky breath that tells me she is just as affected by this moment as I am. A single heart is not built to withstand this much emotion. But I test its capacity just a little more when I shift Maddy to my right arm and slide my left around Emma’s waist. I wonder for a split second if maybe it’s too much, if standing up here like this announces to the world that we are…whatever we are before we even have a chance to define it for ourselves. But then Emma presses her body closer to mine and I feel her arm wrap around my back, her hand coming to rest on Maddy’s back, and I know it’s not too much.
As Hallie walks down the aisle beaming and Ben absolutely loses it at the sight of her, and they speak vows to each other and promise things likeforeverandalwaysandno matter whatandonly you, I stand with both my girls in my arms, and never has there ever been a more perfect moment than this.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Emma
How many emotions is too many for a human to feel all at once?
I’m asking for myself because standing in the tent on the edge of the dance floor, watching Jeremy spin Maddy around, I’m feeling so many my brain is boiling over and I’m at risk of losing all my common sense. I usually hide against a wall during big parties, but tonight, my need to watch Jeremy dance with Maddy outweighs every single introverted instinct in my body.
“Well, I sure didn’t haveDaddy Jeremy is hot as fuckon my bingo card for this year.”
Molly slides up next to me, handing me a margarita. I take a grateful gulp, because she took the words right out of my head.
“I know,” I mumble, taking another deep sip of my drink because, so many feelings. “Me either.”
“Fucking hell, Em. Between the three of you standing together during the ceremony and this, I truly don’t know what to say, and I always know what to say.”
I drain my margarita, setting the empty glass on a passing waiter’s tray before turning to face Molly.
“What am I supposed to do, Mol? I mean, look at them.” I gesture to Jeremy and Maddy on the dance floor.
“He obviously loves her, and she loves him right back. And I think I’m flat on my ass in love with both of them. But I’m just a temporary home for Maddy, and I’m pretty sure giving Jeremy even a fraction of my feelings will have him running for the hills because he doesn’t believe he’s anyone’s forever even though I’m almost positive he’s always been mine.”
I pause and suck in a breath because I didn’t mean to say any of that, but it turns out when you shove all your feelings down for too long then cover them in a layer of wedding emotions, eventually they explode.
“I want them both, Molly. And I’m afraid I won’t get to keep either of them.”
Molly takes one of my hands, giving it a squeeze, her face uncharacteristically serious.
