Jeremy
Chapter Nineteen
Emma
“Can I have the peanut butter cereal again?”
“Absolutely you can.”
I grin at Maddy, who is sitting at the table in her dog-patterned pajamas with her stuffies on the chairs on either side of her. In the ten days she has been with me, mornings have quickly become my favorite time. Watching her stumble her way into the kitchen, all sleepy eyes and wild red hair, picking her breakfast cereal, doing all the regular morning things that come with having a child around, is an unexpected joy.
And the best part of it is that every day, she comes out of her shell a little more. Says a few more words. Gives me more of her thoughts. Asks for a little more of what she needs.
It hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. The first few days at her new school have been a little rough. The closer it gets to the time her bus comes the quieter she gets, and Rachel Parker, who is with her after school, tells me that Maddy seems to withdraw into herself a little more when she gets home. But by the time I pick her up at Rachel’s after work, she’s happy and smiling and talking about whatever adventures she and Rachel had.
I’m tired. More tired than I have ever been in my life. I miss my evening runs, and I’ve had to get used to leaving the office at a certain time every day instead of staying until I’m done. It’s been an adjustment having another person in my house—for there to be noise and talking and things to do when I get home instead of the quiet downtime I’m used to.
But there has also been joy. So much joy in seeing this little person learn to trust me and my friends. To treat my home like her home. To see her steal snacks when she thinks I’m not looking and fling her backpack in the living room instead of placing it by the front door. Yesterday when I asked her to go get dressed for school, she practically flew up the stairs instead of walking quietly, and I cried actual tears.
It's possible my emotions are just a little close to the surface these days.
“Do you think Jeremy will come over tonight?” Maddy asks, as I set her cereal bowl and a glass of orange juice in front of her.
I smile at the question. That’s another thing that has changed over the past ten days. Jeremy has become a near constant fixture in my life. We’ve run together on the trails three times this week after I put Maddy on the bus. He meets me at the entrance to Frick Park with the French vanilla coffee I love and some kind of ridiculously sweet concoction for himself, and every run ends with him grinning and pressing me against my car, kissing me right out in the open. A kind of claiming. Then I drive to work red faced and hot, heart racing from more than the exercise.
Twice in the last week, he’s come over here in the evening with grocery bags, announcing he’s making dinner and needs Maddy to help. Both times he’s pressed a beer and a bag of M&M’s into my hands and pushed me gently towards the living room, telling me to sit and unwind from the day while they cook. I only did that once. Because you haven’t lived until you’vewatched a hot ass man with muscles everywhere and dark scruff and a thigh tattoo show a seven-year-old girl how to make chicken tacos.
And then made out with the hot ass man on the couch after he readsHarry Potterto the seven-year-old and puts her to bed. Both times he’s been here since that first night, he’s left me vibrating with lust and need and making a beeline for my bedside table. But I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t something satisfying about a good old-fashioned couch make out session like we’re teenagers again. I was too quiet and shy and bookish to have any of those when I was an actual teenager, so it’s fun to have them now. Even if I might actually die if he doesn’t get his hands on me for real soon.
He wants it too—I can feel it—but there is also a wealth of uncertainty and hesitation that makes him want to stay in this place. Like he doesn’t trust himself not to panic and run the minute this goes any further. But I’m okay with where we are.
Because here isn’t such a bad place to be.
Even after spending this short amount of time together, Jeremy and Maddy have an easy rhythm. Watching them together is something of a revelation. He is so gentle and patient with her, and she clearly adores him.
It’s like recognizing like. The broken boy and the lost little girl, kindred spirits of loss and loneliness and heartbreak, finding comfort in each other. I want to wrap my arms around both of them and promise to keep them safe and whole for the rest of their lives.
I try not to get too far out over my skis. Jeremy and I are still feeling this out, and this isn’t Maddy’s forever home, but it’s hard not to want to give both of them forever.
I settle in across the table from Maddy with my coffee mug in hand.
“I’m sure he would love to come over, but we have plans after school today.”
Maddy’s nose scrunches up while she thinks about that. “I’m not going to Rachel’s after school?”
“Nope. You’re not going to Rachel’s, but Rachel is coming with us.”
“To where?” Maddy shoves a spoonful of cereal into her mouth.
Before I can answer her, there’s a knock on the door.
“I think there’s someone here who can tell you all about that. Want to get the door?”
“Sure!” She jumps out of her chair and makes a beeline for the door, flinging it open.
“Molly!” I hear Maddy exclaim from the entryway.
“Hey, Maddy girl.” Molly’s voice filters in through the kitchen. Aside from Jeremy, Molly is Maddy’s favorite person. Since Molly lives next door, she’s been meeting us in the mornings to hang on the porch until the bus comes. She and Maddy talk about fashion and clothes and art, and yesterday Maddy even brought out her drawing stuff so they could color while they waited for the bus.
