So I push everything else away and focus on that.
“I mean, did you see that thing? It was, like, ten million pieces and the directions had no words but too many pictures I couldn’t decipher, and I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t have ended up with this many extra screws.”
Emma laughs again, putting the final touches on the bed and coming to stand over me, eyeing the pile of screws on the floor next to the desk still laying on its side.
“I mean, I guess if it collapses, we’ll know you messed it up?”
She smirks at me, and I have to laugh. “Just put them in a zip lock bag, okay? If it collapses, I’ll come back and build it again.”
“If it collapses, I’m buying one from a furniture store and paying them to assemble it for me.”
“Remind me why we didn’t do that this time?”
“I didn’t want Maddy to walk into a half-finished room. I mean, it had all the basics, but I want it to feel like a real room that someone put some thought into, and she’s coming tomorrow, so no time for a furniture store.”
Emma lapses into silence and glances around the room. I follow her eyes, see what she’s seeing. The cheerful green walls. The polka dot bedding and stuffed dog sitting against the pillows. The nightstand with a pink lamp and a clock shaped like a flower. The white bookshelf holding all the books we bought tonight sitting in the corner next to a fluffy bean bag chair, making a comfortable little reading nook.
“It looks okay, right?”
The uncertainty in her voice has me rising up from the floor, wincing a little as my bad knee cracks, and coming to stand next to her. When I do, my hand brushes against hers, and she links her pinkie finger with mine. Her hand shakes nervously, and her gaze keeps sweeping around the room, as if checking for something she did wrong. It’s support she’s looking for from me, and I want to give it to her. I want to give her whatever she needs.
“It’s perfect, Ems. Let’s get the desk set up and then it’ll really be ready.”
I reach down and lift the desk up from where it lies on its side, pushing it gently against the wall under the windows that look out onto the street. It’s dark outside now, but I know that with the leaves just starting to turn and the pretty houses that line the block, it will be a cozy view for a little girl whose life has just been upended.
Together, Emma and I unpack the bags of art supplies. Boxes of brand-new markers, crayons, colored pencils, and water-color paints and brushes go into one drawer. Beads, string, and other jewelry making supplies go into another. Emma fills the final drawer with sketch books and construction paper while I put pens, pencils, and scissors into a purple organizer to set on top of the desk. When we’re done, I push in the chair and step back, taking it all in.
When I hear Emma’s sharp inhale, I turn and see her staring at the desk, hands clenched at her sides and eyes filled with tears. I’m in front of her in a single stride, taking both of her hands in mine, willing her to look at me. When she does, I see fear swimming in her gorgeous greens. One single tear escapes and trails down her cheek. I let go of one of her hands and cup the side of her neck, my thumb sweeping her cheek to wipe the tear away.
“What if I can’t do this?” she whispers.
“I own a law firm. I never had younger siblings. I barely even babysat as a teenager. What made me think I could give a vulnerable foster kid what she needs?”
I take her free hand in mine again.
“You are the very best person to give this little girl what she needs. You know what it’s like to need a home, and because of your grandparents, you know how it feels when good people make one for you and help you feel safe again. You are the bestperson imaginable to give that to Maddy. Ems, look around the room. You’re already doing this. You made her a space of her own, with things she likes. A place she’ll see and know someone was thinking of her. I don’t know her story, but it’s possible she has never had that before, and now she will, because you’re giving it to her. Will it be hard sometimes? Probably. But lead with your big heart, Ems, and you’ll do great. And for what it’s worth, I know you won’t be doing this alone. Here is where she’ll sleep, but something tells me Maddy will have four women on her side and with all of you together, there’s no child on earth who will be better cared for.”
I pause, wondering if I should say the words currently pushing their way out of my chest. Then I decide, what the hell. I’ve come this far—might as well get it all out.
“And I’d like to help you, if you want.”
Emma smiles, her eyes clearing.
“I think I would really like that. And thank you. For what you said, I mean. I didn’t think it would happen so quickly, and I guess I need a minute. I appreciate you being here. I don’t know how I would have gotten this all together on my own. It’s…a lot.”
She holds eye contact with me, and there are so many things I want to say to her right now.
Thank you for letting me be a part of this.
I like being here with you.
I’m glad we can talk to each other like this.
I like the sound of your voice.
You’re the most beautiful woman in the world.
I want to kiss you.
