Asher reaches out and takes my hand, setting our joined hands on the pillow between us while he waits for me to continue. “We had a huge fight about it. The biggest one we have ever had.” I shake my head, trying to find the words to explain this to him. “I still think about it all the time. We talked it out and she forgave me, but the things I said to her? It still keeps me up at night.”
“What were you afraid of?”
His question catches me off guard. “What do youmean?”
“Juliette, there isn’t a single mean bone in your body. If you lashed out, it’s because you were scared. So, what scared you?”
The relief of being seen like this, all the way through, is so enormous that it takes me a minute to answer him. And when I tell him my biggest, most hidden truth, my voice wavers.
“I was afraid of being left behind.”
Asher squeezes my hand, and that little gesture gives me the courage to continue.
“Last summer was not the best. In July we closed on our office space. There was so much to do, and we only had six months before we opened. Hallie, Emma, and Molly all did everything they were supposed to do, but it was…different for me. I was so anxious about everything. I took charge when I shouldn’t have and was constantly ordering everyone around. My spreadsheets had spreadsheets and I didn’t sleep more than a few hours a night for weeks. I tried but my brain wouldn’t shut off, and when I was so exhausted I finally passed out, I would be up two or three hours later. And well, you saw how I wake up. It wasn’t pleasant. I basically mainlined caffeine and got really good at concealer so I could fake the well-rested, put together lawyer everyone expected me to be. That’s pretty much where I was when you met me at the gala.”
Asher leans forward and gives me a soft kiss. “I know, baby. I knew there was something on your mind that night beyond champagne and formal wear and a dance with a football player.”
“How did you know?”
“When you were waiting for me to take your picture, you were tapping your phone against your palm. And when we were dancing and you mentioned you were a lawyer, your hand shook. I don’t know if anyone else noticed it, but I did. I remember thinking that I wanted to unravel you. To see what was beneath the badass attorney.”
I stare at him, a little stunned. “You remember all that?”
“I remember everything about you.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal. It is definitely not no big deal.
“Do you want to hear the rest?”
“Absolutely I do.”
“Okay, well the day after the gala, we left for our annual lake trip at my parents’ house in Western Maryland. I never told anyone this, but I resented every minute of the forced relaxation because all I could think about was everything we had to do at the firm. While we were at the lake, Hallie and Ben got together. It was so sudden. Our second morning at the lake, I went to wake Hallie up for breakfast and Ben strolled out of her room. He told me that he had been in love with her for eleven years. Eleven fucking years, Asher. He’s my twin brother and very best friend, and he never told me his biggest secret. I thought I knew everything about him, and it fucked me up a little when I found out he kept this from me for more than a decade.”
“And then you had to adjust to Ben and Hallie being, well, Ben and Hallie.”
“Yes,” I whisper. “That was the hardest part of all. One day we were all friends, and the next day they were a couple. They got so serious so fast and were deliriously happy and everyone was thrilled, and I had whiplash. It’s not that I’m not happy for them. I am.”
“Juliette, you have the biggest heart of anyone I know. Of course you’re happy for them. But you can feel other things too. So how does it make you feel?”
Tears spring to my eyes, and I blink them back because I need to get this out. “Lonely. It makes me feel lonely. Hallie has been my best friend since we were born. Where it counts, she’s my sister, just as much as Ben is my brother. But now they have each other and are building this whole life together thatbelongs just to the two of them, and I don’t know where my place is.”
Asher glides his thumb along my cheekbone, wiping away a tear that escaped. “Your feelings are all valid, you know. Your life changed just as much as Hallie and Ben’s did when they got together.”
I sigh then, and get ready to tell him the worst part. “You asked me what I was afraid of when I lashed out at Hallie? I was afraid of this. Of feeling like the two people closest to me were leaving me behind. I felt like Hallie had already left me for Ben and then she was leaving me at work too, and I felt…”
“Abandoned. You felt abandoned.”
“I did. I still do. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a place with anyone anymore.”
Asher sits up then, pulling me up to straddle his lap, cupping my face in both of his hands and tangling his fingers in my hair.
“You will always have a place right here with me.”
With those words from his mouth and his blue eyes steady on mine, I take the final fall straight into love with Asher Hansley. I know with more certainty than I have ever known anything that he is my endgame. This is forever, and it’s not nearly as scary as I thought it would be. I lean forward and kiss him, then wrap my arms around his neck, holding tight.
“Can I make a suggestion?” He asks the question into my ear, and I pull back so I can see his face.
“Sure, why not?”
“Have you ever considered talking to Ben? Telling him some of how you feel?”
