“If you apologize one more time for spending the summer at the beach, I won’t be responsible for my reaction.”
I closed my mouth, and he nodded in satisfaction.
“I’ll text you,” I said instead.
He ushered me into the driver’s seat, shutting the door softly once I was in.
I waved at him through the window, and the dumbass blew me a kiss, drawing the attention of several neighbors as they loitered around the complex. I pretended to catch it and then threw it in the back seat. He barked a laugh, and I smiled as I texted Delly my ETA as promised.
Then I pulled onto the road and drove toward our summer of….
Well. I really didn’t know.
“To be determined” seemed like a good enough label for now.
11
IRELAND
Ilost weeks of my life.
I could recall parts of it in a vague sense, but there were no pictures.
Not of the first time Dad ventured out of the apartment with Wilbur for breakfast. Not of him finally going on a Zinnia House field trip to the beach, his gray hair blowing in the breeze as he stood barefoot in the sand.
Not a single one of the blooming cherry blossoms at Live Oak as spring crept toward summer.
And definitely none of the stained-glass windows in the packed church where Gil’s funeral was held.
The past month may as well have never happened.
The aches in my body, in my heart, however, argued against that statement.
A wiry face appeared beside me a split second before a wet nose bumped my forehead. Reggie, Miss Lenny’s Jack Russell terrier, licked my face and whined. I sighed as I sat up, scooping him into my lap.
The day after the news of Gil’s passing, I put on mybig girl ballet slippers and had a conversation with Wilbur, asking him if it was okay for me to crash on their couch for a few nights.
It wasn’t even because I had nowhere else to go. It was that I wanted to be there for Dad.Rightthere if this change ended up being too much for him and triggered something bad.
I swiped my hand down my face.
Fuck, I was wretched. Dad always said I was born with a hard shell, but damn if that shell hadn’t been thoroughly splintered. I wasn’t really sure what was underneath, but I latched onto the hard pieces that remained, which were probably the only thing keeping me from completely spiraling.
I spent my days facing the community of Live Oak and riding my board as much as possible, but I resented my time among the grieving. I couldn’t stand the tears of the nurses and people down at the Locc when they spoke about Gil.
I couldn’t stand the guy from the maintenance company who smelled like cigarettes and sweat as he sneered at the staff when they explained what needed fixing.
I couldn’t stand seeing Gil’s tool belt in my locker or the empty picture frame in the closet.
And I couldn’t stand the fear of running into Ari or Liem, of seeing their pain.
Dad’s illness had been the only reprieve I’d had because he didn’t remember Gil at all.
So mostly, I couldn’t stand myself.
I forced myself out of bed and waded through the routine of staying at Miss Lenny’s house. The dogs begged for attention when I entered the living room after a longshower, clean but not exactly refreshed, and I gave them pets and scratches until I felt my shell soften too much, signaled by the burning behind my eyes.
Then my phone beeped, and it was time to go.
