Fieran waited. That still did not fully explain how they’d gotten to that point.
Merrik huffed a sigh as he shook his head. “We have both liked each other for a long time, but neither of us was willing to make the first move, not knowing how the other felt and not wanting to ruin anything. But after all this…” Merrik gestured at his legs. “We could not hide our feelings from each other any longer. After that, well…” The tips of Merrik’s ears went pink.
“I don’t want to hear about it.” Fieran gave an exaggerated shudder. It was just too weird hearing about his best friend kissing his sister. It was strange enough realizing how much he hadn’t noticed when it came to Adry, Merrik, and the feelings they’d apparently been hiding right under his nose. “You realize the position you’ve put me in, don’t you?”
Merrik’s gaze narrowed with that bristling heat again. “Do not make this about you.”
Fieran blew out a breath, even as he stuffed down the defensive heat that rose in his own chest. The habits of how he treated Merrik would be hard to break, and he’d have to be intentional about it.
“I know, I know. Just…I’m asking for patience, all right?” Fieran waved at Merrik. “I’m all for…this between you and Adry. But if Adry had been courting anyone else, I would’ve been giving him a hard time. But I can’t because you’re…you. And if you’d been courting anyone but Adry, I’d be offering to be your wingman to help you and her sneak off together, but she’s my little sister. It’s just a bit awkward.”
Merrik gave a soft snort, the heat vanishing back into a smile. It wasn’t quite the easy laugh he’d had before, but it was enough. “Adry said the look on your face was going to be priceless. I will have to describe it to her.”
“Yes, yes. Get a good laugh out of it.” Fieran gave an exaggerated roll of his eyes. But after a moment, he stilled and searched Merrik’s expression. “I’m surprised you came back here, when it meant leaving Adry.”
Fieran couldn’t imagine having to make that choice. He’d nearly had to, if Pip had decided to remain in Aldon rather than return to Fort Defense. Fieran would have made the same choice Merrik had, leaving his girlfriend behind in relative safety to protect his friends. But it would have been hard.
Merrik shrugged. “You know how much Adry wants to be sent to the front. With the way the war is going, she will get her wish sooner rather than later, and I would rather already be here when she does.”
“Right.” Fieran didn’t want to think about his little sister being thrown into this world of blood and death. Of her taking a life and feeling the weight on her soul that he now carried. That Dacha carried. But she had an intensity inside her that wouldn’t be satisfied until she followed in Dacha’s footsteps.
“Besides, I could not abandon the squadron.” Merrik shifted, as if he had been about to elbow Fieran but hesitated to do so.
“It hasn’t been the same without you.” Fieran didn’t hesitate. He gave Merrik a light nudge with his elbow.
Merrik’s smile made a brief appearance, there and gone in a blink. He hung his head again, his hands braced on either side of him as he stared down at his foot and stump. “And I had to come back for myself. I needed to fly again. I had to reclaim that piece of myself.”
There was an ache to Merrik’s voice, one Fieran somewhat understood from those difficult first days after the crash even though his recovery had been nothing like Merrik’s.
Fieran glanced down at Merrik’s stump and the prosthetic sitting on the bed on Merrik’s other side. “Are you all right?”
Merrik’s fingers tightened on the edge of the cot, his shoulders stiffening. “I am…getting there. Some days, I do not feel like myself. As if the person I was before died in that crash, and now I do not even know who am I anymore.”
“I’m sorry.” Fieran briefly rested a hand on Merrik’s shoulder before letting it fall back to his side. “I would’ve been there if I could have.”
“I know. But Adry was there.” Merrik’s smile returned, soft and wistful. “Some days were so hard and yet so good at the same time. Those days…those days I felt more myself than ever.”
“That’s good.” Fieran could understand that. Those first days after the crash, wracked with pain, had been so hard. And yet going back to Aldon, spending time with his family and finally resolving things with Pip had been so good. He wouldn’t trade that time for anything.
“And you?” For the first time, Merrik turned to him and seemed to truly study him. “Are you all right? You nearly died too. I did not let myself think about how I nearly lost my brother as well as my leg. It was easier to be angry.”
“It took a week of healing at the hospital and even longer to regain my strength, but I’m fine now.” Fieran shrugged and grinned, not wanting Merrik to see how hard it had been. “And I had Pip. She helped. A lot.”
“Good.” This time Merrik smiled, more of a reaction than he’d shown at the tram platform when Fieran first mentioned that he was courting Pip.
Fieran searched Merrik’s face again, holding his gaze. “So? We’re good?”
“Yes.” Merrik seemed to brace himself, a grimace replacing the smile for a moment, before he held up his right hand and spat on it. He held it out to Fieran. “Brothers.”
“Brothers.” Fieran spat onto his own hand and shook Merrik’s hand firmly, their warm spit squishing.
Someday, perhaps, they’d be brothers for real, if Merrik married Adry. A definite perk to his best friend courting his sister. He’d get over a lot of the awkwardness to make that happen.
After a moment, Merrik yanked his hand free and swiped it on the front of his trousers, that grimace twisting his expression. “That is still highly unsanitary and immature.”
“Agreed. I think that should be the last time we do that.” It was high time they came up with something else besides spitting on their palms. Besides, Merrik didn’t like it. That shouldbe enough reason to find a new brother handshake. Fieran scrubbed his own hand clean before he braced his hands on his knees. “Now, are you ready to head to the hangar to greet the rest of the squadron?”
Merrik nodded and reached for his prosthetic. “Thanks for talking them into giving me space for a few minutes. I am assuming that was you?”
